About new boyfriend?

[WoefulLove]

I have been seeing new bf for two months.

He is really sweet, caring and makes a real effort to see me, but some things are making me question whether this man is right for me.

First off, he smokes weed about 3 times a day. This makes him anxious, but he doesn't show this anxiety when he's with me. He's very upbeat when he's with me but a 40-odd year old still smoking weed? Pfftt!

The second thing is he seems to drift from job to job. He is currently out of work after his last place of work told him he wasn't strong enough manually. He does want to work he says, but whenever I show jobs to him, he says college is more important (he is doing 2 hours per week studies). He is currently on the dole so no nice meals out unless I pay and all our days out are free like walks. When he stays over it riles a bit when i'm leaving for work at 7am and he's still in bed doing with the day as he pleases. He does plan to get a job he says but hasn't applied for one in the month and a half he's been unemployed.

He told me he loved me recently which is really nice, but i'm just questioning whether he's right for me.

Is your self esteem so low that you would rather put up with this waster than be on your own?

There is nothing to think about. Just give him the elbow.

2 months and you haven't even had sex?

If you are having doubts this early in, get out now.

Hi, thanks all for your nice replies.

He does have redeeming features. He is clever and kind and incredibly loving when we are together, but the weed and the lack of a job really puts me off. He does a bit of voluntary work alongside his studies of 2 hours per week, but that's not the point when he's not working for money is it?

He also seems very, very keen to hang out with his best mate which is off-putting. Like this weekend, he is hanging out at his house 2 nights on a row. I feel like seeing as I work full-time, I could've had a night just so I'm not having to get up early for work in the morning. We could've spent some quality time together.

Yesterday, he texted me to say he wasn't texting anymore that evening as he was fed up of texting coz he had had to text lots that day, even though the texts weren't necessarily to me. WTF?!

When we aren't together my heart sinks because I know I have a tough decision to make. When we are together, it's lovely, but all the shit that goes with him is just too much. I dream of meeting a man who has a great job so we will be financially stable, enough to hopefully have a few kids and a decent home with a holiday annually. This is never going to happen with this man. I got really upset this morning because I am 34, never married, in a sexless relationship that doesn't give me much hope and have no kids and I would love kids!

You know what to do then.

Oh bless you. This man is not going to give you the life you want or deserve. There will be someone who can, but you won’t find him while you’re in this relationship.

Don't settle for second best. Bin him. I was married to someone who was always in and out of jobs, never contributed to household expenditure, never lifted a finger unless asked and only if he had the time to do it. Never showed any initiative with chores whilst I worked full time, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, put the bins out, shopped for food etc etc. He even, and I accepted it, used to tell me to catch the bus to work as he needed the car later in the day and he wanted a lie in. My car which I taxed, insured, mot'd and paid for petrol. Not forgetting debts he run up thankfully in his name only. We never in 14 years together could afford to go away on holiday abroad and only had a couple of weekends away staying with his friend whilst both of them spent all weekend playing computer games.

It took me 12 years to wake up and divorce for unreasonable behaviour. He didn't smoke weed though.

My ex husband is a nice person but it was not enough.

Yeah, texting can be pretty exhausting, especially if you have to do it one handed because you are spliffing up. Luckily he will never need to text you again!

Oh! We have a sighting of the elusive Stoned Cocklodger.

If only they were elusive!

OP you're 34, get rid fast and perhaps look into counselling so that you can think seriously about why on earth you thought this guy was a suitable boyfriend for you.

What was your dad like? Was your mum always the capable one?

He sounds worse and worse OP!

Please please bin him.

This sounds like every boyfriend I had in my 20s. Does he also play guitar really badly?

Well if you want children get shot of this one fast.

So he's getting free meals, accommodation and sex? Sounds like a nice life for him!

Is it acceptable to finish him by text? He lives quite a distance away.

I'm umming and ahhing about finishing things.

Good things about him:
Caring
Reliable
Loving
Clearly adores me
Good sense of humour
Fun

Bad things about him:
Smokes weed
Smokes cigarettes
No job
Anxiety
Sexophobe
Never any money to do anything nice like meals out, etc

I'd text and say the relationship isn't going anywhere and you don't want to be involved with someone who's stoned all the time.

Texting you is too taxing because his texting finger has already been flexed enough in one day? Does he find thinking tiring?
That has got to be the most pathetic thing I've ever read Jesus Christ OP I hope he's nice to look at, otherwise just get yourself some new ornaments, he needs to get in the bin!

Get rid. It's supposed to be the stage of a relationship where you are tearing each other's clothes of. This man gives you nothing you couldn't get elsewhere from someone with a job and a sex drive.

Yes, text him but don't expect him to summon the energy to pick up his phone, open, read and compute the message as that could be very draining for him the poor love.

Yeah just text him right now and say it's been lovely but I don't see a future together, good luck.

Was about to say he must be good in bed to put up with this loser but you haven't dtd yet.

Yep, text the loser and say your goodbye.

Have you thought of getting a rescue dog? Seriously, they have all of the 'good' qualities of your bf, but don't smoke dope. Don't get a cat, cats are bastards.

He'll sponge off you and the dole as long as you let him. He sounds like a manchild. Cut your losses and run. 8 weeks in you should be excited and not worrying about someone's faults.

His good points sound like fairly superficial things that will almost certainly change, as you get to know the real him, and the honeymoon period wears off. The bad bits are all pretty big deals. Looking at it from the outside it looks like an easy decision.

I see some are saying why are your standards so low... but I wouldn't take this view. I think it's more a case of you being incompatible with each other. Obviously I don't know you - but are you motivated, you like your career, you work hard, you like some luxury.... or do you like being chilled over everything, smoke dope yourself, take a relaxed approach to your job getting work when you need it. Either is perfectly fine with me.... just that those different types won't sit together well and a LT relationship would be difficult I think.