About new boyfriend?

[WoefulLove]

I have been seeing new bf for two months.

He is really sweet, caring and makes a real effort to see me, but some things are making me question whether this man is right for me.

First off, he smokes weed about 3 times a day. This makes him anxious, but he doesn't show this anxiety when he's with me. He's very upbeat when he's with me but a 40-odd year old still smoking weed? Pfftt!

The second thing is he seems to drift from job to job. He is currently out of work after his last place of work told him he wasn't strong enough manually. He does want to work he says, but whenever I show jobs to him, he says college is more important (he is doing 2 hours per week studies). He is currently on the dole so no nice meals out unless I pay and all our days out are free like walks. When he stays over it riles a bit when i'm leaving for work at 7am and he's still in bed doing with the day as he pleases. He does plan to get a job he says but hasn't applied for one in the month and a half he's been unemployed.

He told me he loved me recently which is really nice, but i'm just questioning whether he's right for me.

Oh! We have a sighting of the elusive Stoned Cocklodger.

Zero future here.

He sounds fab, lucky you 🙄

My SIL has smoked weed for most of her adult life. Her brain now barely functions, and even a decision like what to have for tea takes her around 2 hours. She's had to give up her job and is now travelling around.... in her 50s. It's really sad to have watched her decline over the years. Don't think weed is a gentle drug, it has long term effects on the brain.

I'd get the hell out. He's a drug addict and can offer you nothing.

You need to ask?

No No and No again. Raise that bar higher.

how is he even getting dole if he hasn't applied for a job for six weeks, don't you get sanctioned?

agree with everyone else, he's a loser.

Is this a joke OP? You can't think this man is possibly good enough for you

Apart from the stated obvious downsides you have said and everyone else has confirmed, you are having doubts after 2 months and I think that is quite concerning in itself.
I think you are quite right to be re-thinking this situation, I wouldn't get involved with someone of that age who just drifts through life without a care in the world.

A wild cocklodger appears!

'He makes a real effort to see me'

Well he's hardly busy is he?

Who does he live with?

Oh! We have a sighting of the elusive Stoned Cocklodger.

Smoking weed demotivates. It's the weed that's probably made him too weak for his last job and unable to get another. If he's smoked weed for years then I'd probably give up, if it's a blip I'd encourage him to stop smoking and embrace living.

he smokes weed about 3 times a day

a 40-odd year old still smoking weed?

No, he's not the right man for you. Or anyone else.

Respect yourself, always.

Weed three times a days is an addict. Just so you know what you are letting yourself in for.

And the stink, for god's sake, the stink...

Unemployed, lazy, unmotivated, 40yr old druggie?

How did you land such a catch?

Bin bin bin or you will be still paying for everything in 5 yrs time.

I think the weed thing would be a big problem going on as he's unlikely to change that now. The fact that he has no interest in even appearing like he's looking for a job this early in the relationship ship would indicate to me that he has no interest in ever getting one. So where does it go? End now before you get in too deep or end up living together as the sole breadwinner with someone who has no interest in supporting themselves?

There's plenty of fish in the sea, I'd throw this one back.

You have enough doubts to come on here so we can all tell you what you already know. Get rid of him.

Cut your losses there’s much better out there.

No, no no!

I'm not surprised he's told you he loves you - he knows he's onto a good thing! And so what if he makes effort to see you and is nice to you - as I said, he's onto a good thing....

Whatever your moral stance on smoking weed, the fact is he's an addict if he needs it three times every day.

And if by the age of 40 he has no inner drive to support himself by finding a decent job, he never will.

Genuinely - before you next date somebody have a bit of a checklist in your head. The most very basic one could start with:

1. Doesn't take drugs
2. Has a job and is able to support himself

I would add loads more to that but at the very least set your bar that much (tiny bit) higher.

Smoking weed three times a day means he is a total weedhead.
Of course he's sweet- he's stoned.

It’s looking pretty unanimous OP.

Question is: why don’t you think you deserve better?

He's a loser. Dump him and respect yourself more, you deserve better than some middle-aged stoner with zero ambition.

Hi, thanks for all your replies. Well, I think I have my answer!

He also has a decreased sex drive. We haven't actually DTD yet, but he told me this. Maybe because of the weed?

He's a lazy, deadbeat junkie - I would dump.

This is why, when you come out of the train station or bus depot, it's not a good idea to start talking to the folks sat outside it. Is that were you met, OP? This has to be a wind up. NO ONE would find it a good idea to have sex with and date a drug addict with no job, would they? I mean, that would be a joke, right? Plans on getting a job. Haahaa. Why not become a drug dealer.