I need to have a difficult conversation with a colleague today.

[TheWifeofRequirement]

I’m 6 months into a role where I’m an expert in charge of a team of slightly junior experts.

My colleague used to be a junior expert under another ‘head of’ who had the role before me, but before I was given the job my colleague took a sideways step into a facilitation role which, although requires him to have some knowledge of my area, no longer requires him to get involved in the day to day.

Anyway, since I started, this colleague has struggled to maintain distance from the specialism and is dictating to me how to do said specialism on a daily basis.

It all came to a head over the last 2 days. He asked me to proof read an email and give feedback before it went to a client. I read it, and asked him to make a minor change because he was promising something in the email I’m not prepared to deliver. It was a minor thing: basically he promised to report to them daily which would be untenable from a commercial perspective and would put pressure on my team for no additional benefit. I asked him to change this to weekly reports and adhoc check ins with the client, he argued back and I clarified that as it’s my team delivering this, it will be weekly not daily.

He sent the email promising daily reporting.

I feel patronised, undermined and really bloody cross.

His role is to facilitate, not to dictate to me how to do my job and I’m now going to have to phrase this in a way that’s diplomatic and I’m struggling.

WIBU to basically tell him to back the fuck off and let me do my job? If so, how on earth do I phrase this??

You are building it OP. Well done, I think you're handling this situation brilliantly.

And go and get yourself a cuppa!

In a few weeks you have transformed the business.

WOW! that's a HUGE achievement

Your approach to this is consummately professional and you have given him space to climb down with some degree of respect, that's important too.

However, the 'things might slide' comment would make me cross

"OD, To be clear, it is my role to recover a profitable and efficient away from the mess caused by overservicing on a massive scale. I value your input and when I want it I will ask for it. Everyone appreciates hard work, but your version of it was - to put it bluntly - ruining the organisation. To be clear, It's not your remit to judge if things 'slide', and I won't accept you checking up behind me or undermining my role."

OP - I've read the whole thread and I'm in awe of what you've managed to achieve in a short space of time.
I think you've handled the situation with your colleague with aplomb! I would hang on to the wording of the response posted by Hissy above just in case the colleague tries to undermine you again.

Well done on all fronts!

Well done following it up with an email.

He is trying to deliver a Lamborghini when the client has asked for a VW Golf.

I’ve been very publicly and embarrassingly praised by much senior management because we’re now over delivering on target at a much reduced cost to the business. When this happened, they talked about the things I changed and within that, the things that were wrong before and that was all stuff he is insisting we continue to do

Nice one As a PP said this has almost certainly wound him up, so with any luck he might leave and tell everyone else how massively unappreciated he was

You mentioned his hideously sexist behaviour upthread ... just wondering if you happen to be younger than him too?

Bravo!

I just caught up on the thread and read your email to the dickhead - I think it's excellent go you!

Excellent email op :)

I am younger than him yes and young generally, I’m sub-30

It sounds like I’ve done loads but I really really haven’t. All I’ve done genuinely is strip out a load of daft hoop jumping that no one could explain the reason for. That alone caused the turn around, it isn’t because I’m good at my job it’s because an idiot could have seen where the problem was.

it isn’t because I’m good at my job it’s because an idiot could have seen where the problem was

Please don't do yourself down, OP; after all, an idiot didn't see what needed seeing, and if management happen to think you're something wonderful why fight it?

And the point that you're younger than this colleague who showed himself to be a sexist comes as no surprise at all ...

Don't downplay your own abilities! Obviously before you came no one DID see where the problem was, but you did! Sounds like you're doing great and just need a bit of the self confidence that your cockwomble colleague has!

it isn’t because I’m good at my job it’s because an idiot could have seen where the problem was.

Don't put yourself down.
a) how come no idiot before sussed out what the problem was and, much more importantly,
b) you didn't just spot the problem, you introduced the solution.

Ideas and implementation! Not to be sniffed at.

I’ve never raised an issue with a colleague with my manager before, so I don’t feel like I can go to him and ask his advice after his reaction.

Yes, you can. This person is more senior than you and they are exactly the person who is supposed to coach you in areas you find difficult.

Maybe ask him "if it were you, how do you think you would approach it? I'm just looking for some guidance here as I've never had to address anything like this before", maybe by phone, not email.

it isn’t because I’m good at my job it’s because an idiot could have seen where the problem was.

it takes a very special kind of 'idiot' to spot what others have not, what management have not, what the entire business has not spotted to the extent that the business was declining and customers being lost.

You my love are very far from an idiot. It just means that the special kind of vision that is needed to make organisations run better is easy to you and you are gifted in this area.

This is Imposter Syndrome at it's worst!

Remember the fuss the bosses made? That was all YOU. and you are a true asset to their organisation and they know it.
Your OD is threatened because he knows you are way better than him.

He wants to know if what you find and fix can be traced back to him and will he lose his job.

I’ve been very publicly and embarrassingly praised by much senior management because we’re now over delivering on target at a much reduced cost to the business. When this happened, they talked about the things I changed and within that, the things that were wrong before and that was all stuff he is insisting we continue to do

look at this love - this is YOU. YOU did this.

I would now be proactive with the delivery team.

As they are going to start having more interaction with the facilitator, I suggest you verbally (& follow up email) remind them of parameters, and say that if they get any grief from facilitators trying to make them step outside parameters they are a) to push back and b) to give you a heads up.

If you think necessary you could also make it an occasional progress meeting point 'any issues with boundaries from facilitation?, No? Good'

I am staggered by your view on this.
The whole way is being handled, is shockingly awful.

And your view of your Manager, who just told you to deal with it. That's exactly what I would expect.

I will talk to my Dh later. Is a superb Manager, but a no nonsense one. And I think he would be shocked.

Just read the whole thread. Wife, you are GOOD! You've handled this so professionally, you should be so proud of yourself.

Yes, do give your team the heads up because he will try it on with them too, it will reassure them to know you have their backs.

Btw, love your description of your look, bet you look amazing.

@Oblobmov18 Shocked by what? That she handled it well? My dh is a director and he'd likely hire her given her asset and competence.

Oblo what do you mean?

How would you have handled it?

Also, my manager is generally great. That’s why I was taken aback when he basically gave me a gentle ‘go sort your shit out’ and didn’t offer help or advice. At the time, I felt a bit like id had a door to safety slammed in my face but I imagine tomorrow when I see him, he’ll ask me how it’s gone and we’ll chat about it.

I probably do lean on him too much so I don’t think he was wrong to refuse to wade in and help (not that I asked him to), but it did feel harsh at the time.

I love all the comments on here from people who apparently came out of the womb knowing exactly how to manage staff and handle poor performance!

Well done OP, this is all part of the management learning curve. The next difficult conversation you need to have with someone - either OD or anyone else - will be that bit easier to deal with.

You have done this brilliantly.

Remember, he, or anyone else at your job, can only see your outsides - they don't know that inside you are shaking or any of the stuff you have posted on here about feeling inadequte, they just see a dick being handled professionally by someone who has turned around his old dept.

It sounds as though this is the first time you've had to deal with this sort of unreasonable dick swinging behaviour. But next time it won't be, and you'll be able to do it with your inner voice saying "we got this, we did it before" rather than "OMG what do we do, what's going to happen? Can I do this"

Youweren;t born knowing how to do the technical aspects of your job - you learned by watching others and trying yourself and sometimes making mistakes and learning from them. Being a good manager is just the same. I think your original response to him was probably a bit too amenable, because he carried on being a dick. You know that now, and you've dealt with him firmly and capably. You have so got this.

I'm shocked at your post Oblomov18

The OP sounds very much like my HOD. She is efficient, and can see the bigger picture. She also doesn't suffer fools gladly. As a manager she gets things done and is very much respected. She was a breath of fresh air when she joined our department.

Are you the other guy's wife?