I need to have a difficult conversation with a colleague today.

[TheWifeofRequirement]

I’m 6 months into a role where I’m an expert in charge of a team of slightly junior experts.

My colleague used to be a junior expert under another ‘head of’ who had the role before me, but before I was given the job my colleague took a sideways step into a facilitation role which, although requires him to have some knowledge of my area, no longer requires him to get involved in the day to day.

Anyway, since I started, this colleague has struggled to maintain distance from the specialism and is dictating to me how to do said specialism on a daily basis.

It all came to a head over the last 2 days. He asked me to proof read an email and give feedback before it went to a client. I read it, and asked him to make a minor change because he was promising something in the email I’m not prepared to deliver. It was a minor thing: basically he promised to report to them daily which would be untenable from a commercial perspective and would put pressure on my team for no additional benefit. I asked him to change this to weekly reports and adhoc check ins with the client, he argued back and I clarified that as it’s my team delivering this, it will be weekly not daily.

He sent the email promising daily reporting.

I feel patronised, undermined and really bloody cross.

His role is to facilitate, not to dictate to me how to do my job and I’m now going to have to phrase this in a way that’s diplomatic and I’m struggling.

WIBU to basically tell him to back the fuck off and let me do my job? If so, how on earth do I phrase this??

Sorry hadn't RTFT (slow internet hadn't loaded). Good luck with the training!

Although you could throw the training open to anyone who wants to join as 121 training could mean he accuses you of all sorts.

I’m the opposite, always too cautious to do anything rash and as a result I probably get walked on

However, someone else nailed it. I wasn’t THAT angry when he did it to me, I was more down about it. However, for whatever reason I seem to have decided my team are my chicks and this prick is a hawk, so I was fully prepared to peck the fuckers eyes out last night I’m not a parent yet so god help anyone who bullies my actual kids.

It’s been a bit of a transformational 24 hours really.

This is a massive learning experience for you OP and you're doing really well. These tossers exist in most walks of life and the next one you come across, you'll see him coming a mile off.

The training session is a good idea because it put you on the front foot. Part of his strategy is to have you always chasing after him and his tricks, distracting you from running your department, trying to make you look bad. But you've seen through him. He really isn't very bright is he?

I think the training session is a stroke of genius, TheWife. Being a bit of a catastrophiser myself, though, I'm wondering if he will find some excuse not to turn up for it (pretend he didn't see it in his calendar or that it clashes with something else) and if so, will you be able to oblige him to attend?
Have a good day today!

Oh he’ll have to attend, our common manager will see it and today I’m going to tell our manager I’ve put it in the diary, he’ll think it’s a great idea and will pressure OD to attend so I don’t have to. If OD makes and excuse or doesn’t attend, I’ll just rearrange with gradually more stern emails with my manager CC’d until he doesn’t have a choice but to attend.

So instead of telling him off you are going to train him?

blue yep, I’m going to squish him with process. ‘Telling off’ isn’t really a thing in my business and I’d be labelled as difficult and unproductive if I went down the discipline route. Much better to give him no wiggle room, completely prescribe the way he interacts with my team and give myself room to come down like a ton of bricks when he steps outside the rules he’s given.

This is a gift! He is hanging himself with this behavior, and you haven't even had to hand him the rope

Agree!
Sounds like you’ve got this though. Put the preamble in writing today and after the training email hard copies of all decks with an “any questions let me know”

"Much better to give him no wiggle room, completely prescribe the way he interacts with my team and give myself room to come down like a ton of bricks when he steps outside the rules he’s given."

Don't give him cause to complain about bullying or victimisation.
Depersonalise it. It's not about him or you. It's about what's best for the company. It's about everybody following the same, approved, authorised company procedure.

By the way, what's the appraisal system in your place? Who appraises Mr OD?

@TheNavigator
You've misunderstood my post completely btw.

OP is doing a good job but some posters here are baying for blood.
This shouldn't become a personal vendetta. This is how bullies are made.

Going good. Does he have to sign off after the training session?!

I think the 4 PowerPoints are overkill though. I'd show him what's relevant & don't antagonise him. As long as he knows that you won't tolerate deviation from the process he should fall in line or bother somebody else. Good luck!

Way to go OP! Sounds like you've learned loads through this and are handling it really well.

I love the way he's got the weekend to sweat on it too!

Sounds like a good plan.

I think maybe I'd leave out the material for the lecture, though. You can justify walking him through the other three as it's important to see the process(es) from the point of view of everyone involved; but the other one isn't that relevant, I don't think, and as buckeejit says, might just antagonise him in a way that might backfire.

Good luck!

I'm impressed by your tactics OP. Chin up!

He’s tried it on again this morning. He tried to explain to me how to run a test I’ve been running for years

Because of this thread, my brain shouted ‘NOT TODAY, SATAN’ and I interrupted him with ‘just stopping you there, I’m fully aware how to do this thanks and don’t need a run down. You can let the client know it will be with them shortly’

He waffled a bit about ‘oh ok we’ll just make sure you do x and y and don’t forget-‘ so I cut him off and said ‘it’s all in hand, it will be with the client shortly. BYEEE!’ grin]

It felt GOOD.

I feel like I’m taking power back. I’m getting there.

OP, you ROCK! 

He needs a mansplaining hat.

👍👍🤣 you’re doing really well!!

He's getting desperate OP, he can feel it all slipping away and he is probably really confused 😂

Great stuff. Has he accepted the invite to training?!

OP - you are amazing! You have very good management instincts - what's it called? Emotional Intelligence? You are navigating perfectly in the your organsiation's culture.

Oh the invite! I forgot I haven’t told you lot about that.

Sent it at 9am and the description was ‘OD commercials training’ and no description.

He emailed me straight back with ‘hi, this has appeared in my diary, is it a call or a meeting?’

So I said it’s a meeting and he needs to be in my office for it.

He replied ‘ok’