DH doesn't want DD's boyfriend staying the night?

[eglegg]

Hello, struggling with this one. I feel I'm in a very difficult situation. DD is 19 and a student, lives in student accommodation, but obviously comes home a lot. She would like to have her boyfriend stay. We have met him and he's a lovely boy but DH just isn't having it, saying she can go back to uni and have him over to her accommodation if she wants to spend time with him. I said I think it's okay (to DH, not DD, as I don't think it'll go down 1 with us saying the complete opposite thing) and he won't budge on it.

Whatever the parents culture or belief isn't it up to the 19 year old to decide whether they want to follow that? Surely it makes no difference to the parent what goes on behind closed doors (providing they're quiet). I know people who won't have sex in their parents house anyway, they may just want to be together.

My dad was exactly like this. Even when my sister and her bf lived together at uni he wasn’t allowed to stay over at home.

Whatever the parents culture or belief isn't it up to the 19 year old to decide whether they want to follow that?

It's the parents house though.

I have rules in my house that when my parents visit me, they have to follow. Same when I'm at their house.

I don't accept that I have to allow anything that legal to happen in my home as long as the people doing it are over 18. Sorry.

DH was a bit like this when DD suggested her BF of 8 months staying over but laughed when I got up one morning and a tousled girl in nothing but a thong was crossing the landing.

I was a) outraged at DS, furious, absolutely raging. No way was I having one night stands in my house, I was already ok with long term partners, but not this, DS had crossed a line.

I was b) outraged at DH for having such awful sexist views.

DD, DH and I had several words and he eventually conceded he was being unreasonable. He is still a bit miserable and unfriendly and stern around the BF, which is pathetic when he is normally a very friendly affable guy and loves to banter with all DCs friends.

😡

Only 1 bedroom each here so friends of either sex share with our DC we were happy with this from 17 plus for partners.

Neither DH or I particularly like house guests but it is inevitable and we want our DC to come home.

Also we were both allowed the same privileges as young adults 25 plus year so ago so if our parents were relaxed so should we be.

I think it is difficult because the two of you don’t agree. Normally I would say, your house, your rules. My ex’s mum was like this and so we didn’t stay there. We were both adults and living together at the time. This same woman tried to get us to sleep apart when she came to ours too, which didn’t happen. He can have this attitude (though I personally don’t agree), but must accept that this might mean she won’t stay there much. What age will it be okay with him?