DH doesn't want DD's boyfriend staying the night?

[eglegg]

Hello, struggling with this one. I feel I'm in a very difficult situation. DD is 19 and a student, lives in student accommodation, but obviously comes home a lot. She would like to have her boyfriend stay. We have met him and he's a lovely boy but DH just isn't having it, saying she can go back to uni and have him over to her accommodation if she wants to spend time with him. I said I think it's okay (to DH, not DD, as I don't think it'll go down 1 with us saying the complete opposite thing) and he won't budge on it.

It is improper.

When my son had girlfriends stay over night the girl would spend the night in the downstairs guest room. My son is a gentleman. He certainly wouldn't have stayed at a teenage girl's family home and slept in her bed with her.

how long does she want him to stay? odd, does your DH never like having house guests? surely DDs boyfriend is not a stranger

improper I laughted out loud at this. Is it 1850?

Every teen and uni boyfriend I had we had to sleep in separate rooms at parents houses. I completely agree DD and DP don’t have the right to have sex/sleep in same room overnight if that makes the parent/s uncomfortable but to never be allowed a guest to stay for a couple of days in your home (and it’s still Home to her, despite uni) is a great way to alienate her.

It would drive me demented if I had to have a non-family member in my home on a frequent basis. I don't think that makes me inhospitable, I like seeing people but I don't expect to have to see them all the time... that's even without the fact that you're providing meals! I would very much resent having to put up with that, even if I really liked the space invader

Not everyone has the luxury of a 'downstairs guest room'

Reason two is his choice (though it has consequences) but do you never have anyone else to stay? The other reasons sound selfish, unfriendly and frankly like he's scratching around for excuses.

To put this in perspective- a friend of mine was once taken aside by her mum while her boyfriend was staying over and asked ‘please can you have sex more quietly because we can hear you and it’s making your father feel unmanly’ 😂

If she wants to have him stay over then she should get her own house. Why should anyone be expected to have 'guests' they dont want to have in their own house. His house, his rules. He doesn't need a reason to say NO.

Yes the 19 yr old student should get her own house - good one

Her own house. She’s a student stop being ridiculous.

Would your DH feel the same about this if your 19 year old was a male bringing home his girlfriend?

improper

‘Improper’?! ‘A gentleman’?! Oh give over! Your DH is being rude and ridiculous op. He can feel how he feels but he should get over himself to be reasonable and understanding.

He's being an overbearing idiot. It's typical male not wanting a boy anywhere near his daughter bullshit. His reasons are bollocks.

I'd let him stay and your husband can go and sulk elsewhere instead of being a manchild.

I don't like living with my spouse, I'd rather be alone. A house guest, and I mean my own parents and siblings, who I don't dislike and rarely see, I'm counting the minutes until they leave, when the stress and anxiety of not being able to lead my normal life will come to an end.

Having visitors means I can't watch TV, affects when I can use the bathroom, when I go to sleep and get up, which room I sleep in, what and when I eat changes. It even affects whether I can have a cup of tea or coffee when I want.

Under 18 still here and dd automatically put her boyfriend in the spare room, I'm thinking we will be quite liberal when she is a bit older, but I think first visit to parents sleeping separately shows respect (I don't understand the other objections, how long was this for?)

Oh thank god the sensible people have arrived. Was starting to feel like a hippy parent.

To be honest, his reasons are pretty flimsy.

You will start to see much less of your DD if he doesn't stop being so Victorian.

Charolais Is that MIL?

OP does the boyfriend live close? Your DD could stay over at his, if his parents are happy with that. I’m not saying she should, but they probably will if his parents are more accepting than her father.

How does having a visitor impact tea or coffee when you want? I want a cuppa I ask guests if they want one. If they decline, awesome it's just me then.
Food I still cook what I want when guests are here, and yes even given them fish fingers and chips lol

firesuit that’s a deeply worrying post.

My mother didn't allow it until I was about 25 (even though I lived alone in a different part of the country since the age of 17 and did whatever I liked).
When her DH's daughter brought a bloke home she was not happy; not because of her having 'improper' relations though, she just labelled him as undesirable and was adamant he was scoping out the house to rob it at a later date 😂

What happens at 25? Is that a special age for some reason?

How does having a visitor impact tea or coffee when you want?

For a start, it means you can't go into the kitchen whenever you want, as my kitchen can only realistically accommodate one person at a time. Coffee, the way I make it, there are few economies of scale, one cup takes five minute, four cups maybe takes fiften minutes. I'd rather go without than than spend fifteen minutes making it. (Tea isn't difficult, but most visitors don't drink it. I can cope with regularly making coffee for one visitor.)

The kitchen issue means that even if everyone is making their own sandwiches for lunch, you might have to wait half-an-hour before you can make your own.