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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to find this an odd thing to state on a menu?

230 replies

DoItForTheDucks · 31/10/2018 10:16

I went to restaurant with a friend the other day. We were looking at the menu and two of the pasta dishes had the subheading 'The Ladies' choice(Creamy chicken and mushroom pasta) and The Gentleman's choice(Pasta in spicy tomato sauce with strips of steak and sliced chillis)

I found this so incredibly weird and also rather offensive. I was tempted to order the gent's pasta just to see if the staff would keel over in horror(I know that they didn't write the menu.)

The only other time I've encountered in person the whole concept of food intended for women and for men was at a wedding when one guest decided that the man next to her was being emasculated because he ordered the lemon cheesecake and not the chocolate fudge cake(which his wife ordered) and tried to convince them to swap as she was sure that being a man he really wanted chocolate cake and was being deprived. It was bizarre.

Has anyone else encountered this?

OP posts:
NewYoiker · 31/10/2018 13:57

Went out at the weekend and ordered a pint of old peculier beer it was the best the pub had on. I don't really drink anything other than beer when out because of the price of gin etc.

The lady behind the bar was most confused by it  when we got food later I got mine with 'the sausage and mash for the lady who drinks old peculiar by the pint- Watch out for the one..' 

SpamChaudFroid · 31/10/2018 14:08

Waitrose were selling a "gentleman's sandwich" recently. They (quite rightly) renamed it.

Drasdaser · 31/10/2018 14:17

YANBU. my preference would've been the men's dish anyway however I am a lady....Grin

BaldricksCoffee · 31/10/2018 14:19

I blame Al Murray's Pub Landlord Grin

Eliza9917 · 31/10/2018 14:49

@Troika Wed 31-Oct-18 12:30:20
I went for afternoon tea here

Not only are they stupidly named but the portion size difference was ridiculous.

I've been for that afternoon tea and they ask you which you want when you order.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 31/10/2018 14:57

Quite a few times, when I've been out for lunch with DH and he's ordered a salad, the waiter/waitress has automatically put it down in front of me.

It's silly and annoying.

Gromance02 · 31/10/2018 15:07

I wouldn't even notice. The petty things that people get wound up about says a lot about how little else they have to worry about. People will be getting worked up about men's clothing sections and women's next. Or maybe they already are.

Original poster
DoItForTheDucks · 31/10/2018 15:13

Yes I only have debilitating mental heath problems, disabilities, financial problems,having a friend murdered this year by her partner, losing a much loved relative some months ago. Having lost another relative to suicide before that. Not much at all

Or maybe I can have the pressures and challenges I listed above and terrible things going on in my life and still find time to worry about the 'little things' though for me sexism is far from a little thing and the constant drip feed reinforcement of stereotypes is extremely harmful and all part of the bigger picture.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/10/2018 15:15

I live near a major Premiership football stadium. The burger van had for a long time “Ladies’ Burger” (one patty) and “Men’s Burger” (two patties).

Stupid, isn't it? I'll bet there are plenty of growing, active teenage girls/young women who could easily polish off two burgers and lots of male pensioners who would find one more than enough.

Our favourite local food pub do fantastic Sunday roasts and they offer two different size options called, wait for it, 'Standard' and 'Large'. Now, I'm guessing that the vast majority of the large portions will be ordered by men, but any woman who wants a bigger meal isn't made to feel like a despicable unfeminine ogress for ordering it. Equally, a man with a smaller appetite isn't made to feel emasculated by ordering something with the word 'Lady' in it rather than paying more than he needs to and then wasting food.

It's the same principle as the 'Let Toys be Toys' campaign. A toy is neutral so, if a girl wants to play with it, then it is automatically by definition a girl's toy. If a boy comes along later and plays with it, then it's obviously a boy's toy as well. It's just a doll or a football - not either 'for her' or 'for him'.

PuppyMonkey · 31/10/2018 15:16

Ooh yes, DP nearly always has a salad type thing when we go to our local (with a large glass of white wineShock). Whereas I like a beef pie or a steak with chips (also with wine). The staff literally cannot cope and always try to give me the salad.

YouAndMeAreGoingToFallOut · 31/10/2018 15:19

I get given my vegetarian husband's food all the time.

Elphame · 31/10/2018 15:19

I've had a restaurant refuse to let me have a dish as it was "too hot for ladies"....

I did get it in the end but it was quite a battle - they really didn't want me to have it!

SneakyGremlins · 31/10/2018 15:25

I bet it was mild and everything @Elphame Grin

Elphame · 31/10/2018 15:28

It certainly was no hotter than your usual restaurant Madras SneakyGremlins. With a yoghurt base I really wasn't expecting any great challenge.

You can be sure though I'd have eaten that curry even if it had taken the skin off my throat!

Lemondrizzlecake1 · 31/10/2018 15:30

I went to a wedding where the women got one thing and the men got another (you weren’t given a choice it was what your were served). I don’t remember what the starters/mains were but I was furious when the man’s dessert was sticky toffee pudding and the women got a lemon tart I think. Naturally I made my husband swap but the men’s menu was far more up my street than the women’s.

I should have identified as a man for the day, why didn’ I think of that at the time?!!

user59589098 · 31/10/2018 15:35

I blame Al Murray's Pub Landlord

Grin

I've never encountered any issues or assumptions in restaurants myself.

BarbaraofSevillle · 31/10/2018 15:42

the man’s dessert was sticky toffee pudding and the women got a lemon tart

I simply cannot comprehend the thought process that would go into making a decision like that Confused.

Giving a choice of two desserts, all well and good. But allocating a certain dessert according to sex is ridiculous. Why? Is there a 'big book of wedding catering' somewhere that decrees that all men like sticky toffee pudding and all women like lemon tart?

It would be equally ridiculous to randomly allocate dessert or as the result of a coin toss - heads = sticky toffee pudding, tails = lemon tart. No-one would accept that so allocating by sex makes equally little sense.

And as for giving men larger portions, I hope there was a hungry pregnant woman or two at the wedding ready to stab the person who made such a bizarre decision with a fork Smile.

BarbaraofSevillle · 31/10/2018 15:45

When people try to trivialise sexism like this, I find it useful to think 'if it was assumptions about race or sexual orientation that was being made, would it be acceptable' and as the answer will always be no, then the same applies about sex.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 31/10/2018 15:46

I've had the well done steak plonked in front of me a few times. As a delicate laydee I actually prefer soft steak, not shoe leather.

DM was convinced when carving a chicken that men should have the legs and women the breast. To be fair she's in her 90's

AGHHHH · 31/10/2018 15:47

I'd honestly have to email and ask! 😂

AGHHHH · 31/10/2018 15:48

DM was convinced when carving a chicken that men should have the legs and women the breast. To be fair she's in her 90's

I love the breast!
Shame she'd give me a wing!

AGHHHH · 31/10/2018 15:48

I mean leg

CaptainBrickbeard · 31/10/2018 15:48

My DH went on a work do recently and refused to believe that the men really wanted pints of lager at the cocktail bar they ended up in. He thought it was a shame that they likely felt they couldn’t order a cocktail - he loves beer himself but said there was such an amazing array of drinks, it would be really boring to not try them. Generally, he does prefer red meat, whisky, spicy food etc whilst I do like creamy sauces and gin but I really don’t think these preferences are dictated by our sex!

user59589098 · 31/10/2018 15:59

In every choice mentioned here I'd take the "woman" option. What does that say about me?! Confused

BarbaraofSevillle · 31/10/2018 16:01

I'd probably pick a pint of lager over a cocktail because cocktails are usually ridiculously expensive and I can never taste any alcohol in them.

So I'm not paying the cost of 2 pints for a glass of ice with half a shot of vodka, a drip of liqueur and a bit of fruit juice in it.