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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find this an odd thing to state on a menu?

230 replies

DoItForTheDucks · 31/10/2018 10:16

I went to restaurant with a friend the other day. We were looking at the menu and two of the pasta dishes had the subheading 'The Ladies' choice(Creamy chicken and mushroom pasta) and The Gentleman's choice(Pasta in spicy tomato sauce with strips of steak and sliced chillis)

I found this so incredibly weird and also rather offensive. I was tempted to order the gent's pasta just to see if the staff would keel over in horror(I know that they didn't write the menu.)

The only other time I've encountered in person the whole concept of food intended for women and for men was at a wedding when one guest decided that the man next to her was being emasculated because he ordered the lemon cheesecake and not the chocolate fudge cake(which his wife ordered) and tried to convince them to swap as she was sure that being a man he really wanted chocolate cake and was being deprived. It was bizarre.

Has anyone else encountered this?

OP posts:
alligatorsmile · 31/10/2018 16:02

TO my mind it might be seen as 'nothing to get worked up about' but as a PP said, if you were handed a menu offering, say, "Macaroni cheese for white people and curry for all people of black or Asian origin" you'd be utterly bewildered. Or if the distinction was less along the [men=meat, savoury, lots] and [women=light, sweet,small] lines and more, say, [men=food beginning with b, orange food, Nordic] and [women=tubular shapes, contains herbs, circular] you'd see how utterly arbitrary the distinction is.

Nothing to do with "being treated like a lady", even if that's what you want. Does "being treated like a lady" mean being treated like a shallow, looks-obsessed, frail, joyless, self-denying idiot?

CombineBananaFister · 31/10/2018 16:04

Yanbu - it's odd and annoying. Not just because of the seismic but surely 8th just good waitressing to announce the dish before placing it? That's what we used to have to do if we didn't take the order and we're helping on another section.
I'm a bit of a coffee/craft beer wanker and DH is not but he has a bward and looks manly about such things therefore my piccolo or carefully picked saison always goes to him.
Exact same in specialist beer shops, he always gets approached to ask what he's looking for and I'm ignored. To which he usually replies "she's the one looking for summat special mate, I'm happy to chug Timothy Taillors" Grin

MoltenLasagne · 31/10/2018 16:05

When people try to trivialise sexism like this, I find it useful to think 'if it was assumptions about race or sexual orientation that was being made, would it be acceptable' and as the answer will always be no, then the same applies about sex.

I have been to weddings where they've provided bland food for the white guests - we weren't banned from choosing to eat the actual food though!

CombineBananaFister · 31/10/2018 16:06

Wtf! Auto correct Blush
Not just because of the SEXISM

CombineBananaFister · 31/10/2018 16:06

Omy. He has a BEARD

SneakyGremlins · 31/10/2018 16:07

Try being a non alcohol drinking male and going out with a female friend who loves beer Grin

CombineBananaFister · 31/10/2018 16:08

I give up Sad getting my coat.

Racecardriver · 31/10/2018 16:09

If it makes any difference I would have have chosen the ladies choice. Feeling very hungry fifcreamy pasta now.

ProfessorMoody · 31/10/2018 16:10

My local restaurant sells a "Ladies Steak" and a "Ladies Gammon". They are both 10oz cuts whereas the other steaks are 14oz.

We always order a Ladies Steak and a 14oz. The 14oz is for me because I'm a fat fuck and the Ladies for DH because he's a scrawny bugger with a tiny appetite. Confuses the hell out of them when they bring our plates over.

Lots of people have told them to update their menu, which hasn't changed since I moved here 15 years ago but they won't. Good steak though.

Eliza9917 · 31/10/2018 16:26

I wonder whether these 'lady' meals & drinks are cheaper seeing as women get paid less than men? Hmm

I can eat more than DP, I can eat spicy food whereas he doesn't really anymore due to indigestion/heartburn, but then I'd rarely if ever order steak. He drinks cocktails when we go to the cocktail bar near us and he'd most likely choose the creamy pasta and I'd choose the tomato. Stereotypes mean nothing.

WorldofTofuness · 31/10/2018 16:35

I have been to weddings where they've provided bland food for the white guests - we weren't banned from choosing to eat the actual food though!

There's a Chinese restaurant near me where (according to reviews) if you didn't look Chinese, you'd be brought the 'sweet'n'sour'-type menu--and had to fight to get the 'Chinese' menu of interesting things like pig innards, which they initially denied the existence of (despite having tablefuls of people visibly eating them!).

I can see the sense of having a menu tailored to non-authentic tastes if that's what they've experienced people like--but refusing to serve the 'proper' food even when asked tips into racism.

alligatorsmile · 31/10/2018 17:08

I'm vegan, what is a ladylike vegetable please? I shudder to think of the manly vibes I may have inadvertently given out by eating the wrong kind of bean.

Or do the ovaries of proper ladies help them just know whether peas or carrots are more suitable?

Original poster
DoItForTheDucks · 31/10/2018 17:43

There's nothing wrong with preferring creamier sauces, cocktails, chicken or lemon tart. It's wrong though to think that women or men should eat particular foods because of their sex and that a woman having a large steak or a hot curry isn't 'ladylike'. It is especially wrong for restaurants, stores and advertisers to continually reinforce harmful stereotypes.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 31/10/2018 17:54

If we go out and DH is driving, he always gets handed the pint I ordered.

That used to be an everyday thing. I got the taste for real ale around 1980, and had a male friend who only ever drank wine. Our drinks were invariably served the wrong way round.

I started asking for "A pint of Hogspiss for me and a glass of burgundy for my friend, please", but more often than not they'd still put the wine in front of me and the bitter in front of my mate, assuming I was arsing about.

It was even worse when he was trying to lose weight and went on to gin and slimline tonic.

I've been trying to think when that started to change. It was certainly not considered at all odd for a woman to drink a pint by the time I moved away from London in 1991.

Original poster
DoItForTheDucks · 31/10/2018 18:02

It wasn't an Italian restaurant. It was a bit of a cross between a gastro pub and a steakhouse. The menu is mostly steak and pasta with a few seafood dishes and some grilled chicken.

I must say that I'm aghast at how common this, and I'm especially so over the wedding with separate menus for men and women. Anyone who tries to stop me from having sticky pudding is going to lose at least one limb.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoItForTheDucks · 31/10/2018 18:03

By common I mean the attitude in many restaurants over what women and men should order and eat.

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 31/10/2018 18:06

In a similar vein I've never had yoghurt advertised to me.

Is my stomach unable to handle it?

ALongHardWinter · 31/10/2018 18:07

Jaxtellerswife 'Unless it's eaten through the vagina or has to a penis dipped in it'. Grin OMG I laughed so much at that idea!

Justforonequestion · 31/10/2018 18:22

How old fashioned.

My first job (25 years go) was serving in a pub where I had to give men a glass tankard for pints and women a straight-sided glass, and a mini tankard for halves for men with a stemmed glass for women. Excruciating. Couples used to order two pints and I'd have to give them in two different glasses. People used to look at me as if I was bonkers.

CathKidneyston · 31/10/2018 18:31

Thankyou OP.I thought it was only me who gets the rage at the casual sexism in restaurants
Bloke gets the wine to taste
Blokes glass gets filled up properly little lady gets a splash
Meat dish is meant for the bloke obviously
Bloke has dessert ... but they bring a spoon anyway for the little lady because she wants some really
Bloke is given the bill and even if the little lady pays he gets thanked for the tip

In a similar vein I’m larger than my female friends and do not have a sweet tooth but the dessert is always plonked in front of me

TitsalinaBumSquash · 31/10/2018 18:33

I have been seated and then promptly left steakhouses when the waiter has 'helpfully' pointed me towards the 'ladies' cuts of steak or ' maybe the lady would prefer chicken or fish?' 

Original poster
DoItForTheDucks · 31/10/2018 18:40

Apparently not SneakyGremlins. That or they know that your genitals would shrivel up if you had one.

OP posts:
cookingteaforsix · 31/10/2018 18:42

I love very spicy food and my husband only eats mild curry. We always get given the others dish. It's always the assumption the man likes spicy food.

Upslidedown · 31/10/2018 20:37

I work in hospitality and in my experience there's no correlation between sex and food/drink preferences. I experience it a fair bit when I'm out with DH though.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 31/10/2018 20:44

DH doesn't drink, without fail get handed the coffee and him the gin or wine I have ordered.

When we went to the breakfast club I was handed the waffles with cream and strawberries and DH the spicy savoury waffles.

Odd isn't it.