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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU In wanting to wipe the smug grin off his face?

254 replies

KungFuPandaWorks · 30/10/2018 17:29

Backstory

I have a friend (A) who I am fairly closewith. A got with her boyfriend (B) about 3 years ago, I always thought he was a bit of a bellend but couldn't put my finger on why.A is also currently 7 months pregnant.

2 Weeks ago
I was leaving my house at about 8.30am, and I see my neighbour kissing a man goodbye at the door and as he starts walking away, we lock eyes. It's B! His face drops, and he looks like he's going to pass out. He quickly rushes past me and turns off the street. I casually asked the neighbour
"Aww is that your new fella?"
She smiles and said "sort of. Just keeping it quiet at the moment though and see where we go."

I phone DH and tell him exactly what I saw and how I always thought he was a dodgy bastard. He must be thick to be shagging a bird who lives on the same street of As friend - he's even been to our bloody house!

DH tries to be the voice of reason, that maybe I got the wrong end of the stick, he surely wouldn't cheat on A. If I go running to A with this information and it is something fairly innocent I would look a twat and stress out a pregnant woman and I can't be getting stressed out being pregnant myself.

That night, guess who knocks on? The neighbour! B had obviously filled her in that he knows me and I'm his girlfriend's friend. Turns out my neighbour knew she was screwing a taken man, and had fell for the bullshit cliche of "I will leave her just need to find the right time"
I asked her did she know he has a heavily pregnant partner at home, she said yes but she has no guilt because B said the child was never planned A basically forced him into the baby, and it's only because of the baby why he hasn't left yet.

I asked her why on earth she would be telling me this, surely she should be trying to play it down and minimise it. Turns out the snakey cow wanted me to give A all the gorey details in the hopes she kicks B out so the neighbour can finally have him!

Me and DH discussed this at length and decided to not saying anything, as I honestly didn't want to stress her out and as people always say stay out of it.

Today

(Saw the twat leaving again yesterday morning) A has come into my salon for a catchup, and she's saying how B has been amazing throughout the pregnancy, how excited he is and they're even discussing marriage. She's in the salon for about 40 minutes before cockhead comes in.

He struts in cocky as hell, and makes the comment "people are gonna think you're following me soon"

A asks what he means, and he mentions how he saw me yesterday leaving a customers house! A just looked really confused at me and went "you never said you saw B yesterday KungFu"

I played it off as baby brain and why I didn't mention it. But never in my life have I felt the urge to inflict so much damage on someone as I did that moment in time.

He's got me over a barrel now hasn't he? I can't say anything because of how long I've left it and he would easily bullshit saying it's a customer (he's a tradesman). The only way I could prove I was telling the truth is letting A meet up with the neighbour, but A honestly doesn't deserve that does she?

Please don't tell me I should have told her 2 weeks ago, I thought I was doing the right thing but in reality I was being cowardly. Any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
PinkyKhumalo · 01/11/2018 08:06

This reply has been deleted

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CountryGirl1234 · 01/11/2018 08:17

I haven’t read all the messages but depending how pregnant your friend is, I probably wouldn’t tell her outright. I’d get pictures of him on different days leaving so it can’t be questioned. And tell her once baby is safely delivered and she’s ok. You’d only get the blame if something happened to baby. Or, It maybe you have a coffee with her and say that you’ve seen him leave the same house 3 times and neighbour said something that made alarm bells ring and let her do the digging. Either way I’d want to know. I just know that so much stress could jeopardise little one and that’s not what you want to do. Good luck x

CountryGirl1234 · 01/11/2018 08:28

I meant to say if it’s months away she should know, but obv if she’s about to birth then wait. X

AintNobodyHereButUsRavens · 01/11/2018 09:05

@CountryGirl1234 OP says in her first paragraph that her friend is 7 months pregnant.

IJustLostTheGame · 01/11/2018 09:09

Tell her, and do it soon.
Also tell her you werent sure what was going on until the neighbour came round and confirmed it.
This will all come out anyway fairly soon, and your friend will be furious if you kept it to yourself. And she will need her friends in this.

Huggybear16 · 01/11/2018 18:19

You're her friend. Tell her EVERYTHING, just as you have done here. In terms of worrying how it will affect your friendship - I'd end a friendship with someone who knew and didn't tell me, but I'd respect the person who did.
Also OP, what if she finds out before you tell her? I bet the cheating pig would delight in telling your friend that you knew everything (taking all the focus off him, or even saying that you agreed he should tell her). Get it done asap. Even if you are shot as the messenger, she will come around when she's over the shock and will thank you. And YY to the poster who said to tell her before registering the birth, she may not want him having parental responsibility knowing this.

Huggybear16 · 01/11/2018 18:21

even saying that you agreed he shouldn't tell her

Huggybear16 · 01/11/2018 18:25

And some posters are suggesting waiting until baby has arrived - I don't think this is a good idea at all. While she is vulnerable, sleep deprived and in the midst of baby blues, it will hit her a lot harder. Give her a chance to get her shit together before the baby arrives.

CottonTailRabbit · 01/11/2018 18:29

Don't wait to meet up. Phone her and tell her now.

Tell her she can come round and meet the OW neighbour to hear it direct. Seriously.

Dickhead boyfriend is going to lie lie and lie some more. OW wants the truth to come out so she can win the prize boyfriend. She will speak the truth.

Maybe OW "wins" the booby prize of a cheating lying scumbag as her boyfriend. She will suffer the natural consequences when he does it to her too.

Newmum102 · 01/11/2018 18:37

I would tell her. Last thing you would want to do, is tell her after the baby arrives. Let her get everything sorted before baby arrives

Huggybear16 · 01/11/2018 19:11

@KungFuPandaWorks

I have sent a private message to you. I've been in your position but can't discuss specific details publicly.

badirene · 01/11/2018 19:40

Please tell her, do it tonight. As someone who had a cheating partner there is no nice way of telling someone that their world is about to fall down around her ears, but you have to do it. He is cheating and being sexually active with lord knows how many women, he is exposing your friend and her unborn baby to all sorts of diseases.

Please just tell her. No hints, no letting something "slip" that may point her in the right direction, just sit her down and say "Friend I know this will hurt you but I telling you this because I care about what happens to you, and you deserve better"

ilc72 · 01/11/2018 19:49

I think that’s a great idea, it’s an impossible situation for the OP and will no doubt cause a problem for the friendship.

Another option could be to tell his parents or siblings, they may be able to talk some sense into him.

People like him give us men a bad name!

Jamiefraserskilt · 01/11/2018 20:13

Ok so you tell her. He pleads innocence, that you never liked him and says that skanky neighbour has a thing for him (thus discounting her conversation with you) and that all he was doing was quoting. You are seen as the bad person. The only way is to get the three together somehow. Only then will she see first hand.

hiddeneverything · 02/11/2018 08:36

Have you decided what you're doing OP?

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 03/11/2018 13:17

Update

I told A on Thursday afternoon, it went a lot better than I expected actually. Thankfully she wasn't angry towards me and understood why I didn't tell her straight away. I told her what I saw and what my neighbour had told me. She only stayed for about 30 minutes before she left to go and talk with him.

Thursday night, my neighbour saw me and shouted over "you're friend is a fucking mug" and went inside. I hadn't heard anything off A at this point, but I presumed B had ended things with the neighbour.

Friday morning A text me, her and B had a long talk. B tried minimising it massively and said they didn't have sex, the neighbour had only performed oral on him 1 and a half times (yes he actually said 1 and a half times, not quite sure what that means)
It meant nothing, he never told the neighbour he would leave A and the neighbour is making it sound worse because she's being a woman scorned, who can't stand being rejected.

A wants too speak with the neighbour and hear her side, I told her I don't think that would be the best idea. But A is firm on speaking with my neighbour, and is currently ended the relationship until she's had time too hear the neighbours sides and think everything through.

A is coming round my house later and is hoping the neighbour will speak with her.

OP posts:
Justcallmestep · 03/11/2018 13:21

Ask yourself one simple question “what would I expect from my friend?”

Hopefully “the truth”

Good luck with that.

Tistheseason17 · 03/11/2018 15:04

He sounds vile.

If I was A, I'd let the neighbour have him. They are made for each other.

Chances are neighbour will tell the truth, but why are they even fighting over a big pile of poo - he's not a prize, is he?

And even with a child, he'll still cheat - that's what cheaters do.

RandomMess · 03/11/2018 15:06

He really has done a number on your friend Sad

Storm4star · 03/11/2018 15:17

I’m glad you told her. Of course he’s trying to wheedle his way out of it, that’s what they do. The neighbour sounds pretty vile too tbh. I hope speaking to her doesn’t make A feel worse than she already does. The neighbour quite possibly will make it sound as bad as possible as she’s made it clear she wants B for herself but really whatever she says shouldn’t make a difference. Even if it was “only” one and a half bj’s (how ridiculous!) surely that would be enough in itself? It takes a special sort of wanker to cheat on a pregnant partner.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/11/2018 15:20

Good I am glad that you told her, at least the ball is in her court and she can go from there. He sounds awful, disgusting really.

Cuttingthegrass · 03/11/2018 15:22

what a horrible situation for everyone. He sounds like a right knob

ohfourfoxache · 03/11/2018 15:51

Well done, that must have been a horrible conversation to have x

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 03/11/2018 19:48

It wasn't a nice conversation but it went far better than I expected. I'd honestly convinced my self worse case scenario would happen.

A should be here in the next 15 and as far as I can tell she's still set on talking with my neighbour.

OP posts:
KeiTeNgeNge · 03/11/2018 19:54

That conversation is not going to go well - be there for her afterwards