Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU In wanting to wipe the smug grin off his face?

254 replies

KungFuPandaWorks · 30/10/2018 17:29

Backstory

I have a friend (A) who I am fairly closewith. A got with her boyfriend (B) about 3 years ago, I always thought he was a bit of a bellend but couldn't put my finger on why.A is also currently 7 months pregnant.

2 Weeks ago
I was leaving my house at about 8.30am, and I see my neighbour kissing a man goodbye at the door and as he starts walking away, we lock eyes. It's B! His face drops, and he looks like he's going to pass out. He quickly rushes past me and turns off the street. I casually asked the neighbour
"Aww is that your new fella?"
She smiles and said "sort of. Just keeping it quiet at the moment though and see where we go."

I phone DH and tell him exactly what I saw and how I always thought he was a dodgy bastard. He must be thick to be shagging a bird who lives on the same street of As friend - he's even been to our bloody house!

DH tries to be the voice of reason, that maybe I got the wrong end of the stick, he surely wouldn't cheat on A. If I go running to A with this information and it is something fairly innocent I would look a twat and stress out a pregnant woman and I can't be getting stressed out being pregnant myself.

That night, guess who knocks on? The neighbour! B had obviously filled her in that he knows me and I'm his girlfriend's friend. Turns out my neighbour knew she was screwing a taken man, and had fell for the bullshit cliche of "I will leave her just need to find the right time"
I asked her did she know he has a heavily pregnant partner at home, she said yes but she has no guilt because B said the child was never planned A basically forced him into the baby, and it's only because of the baby why he hasn't left yet.

I asked her why on earth she would be telling me this, surely she should be trying to play it down and minimise it. Turns out the snakey cow wanted me to give A all the gorey details in the hopes she kicks B out so the neighbour can finally have him!

Me and DH discussed this at length and decided to not saying anything, as I honestly didn't want to stress her out and as people always say stay out of it.

Today

(Saw the twat leaving again yesterday morning) A has come into my salon for a catchup, and she's saying how B has been amazing throughout the pregnancy, how excited he is and they're even discussing marriage. She's in the salon for about 40 minutes before cockhead comes in.

He struts in cocky as hell, and makes the comment "people are gonna think you're following me soon"

A asks what he means, and he mentions how he saw me yesterday leaving a customers house! A just looked really confused at me and went "you never said you saw B yesterday KungFu"

I played it off as baby brain and why I didn't mention it. But never in my life have I felt the urge to inflict so much damage on someone as I did that moment in time.

He's got me over a barrel now hasn't he? I can't say anything because of how long I've left it and he would easily bullshit saying it's a customer (he's a tradesman). The only way I could prove I was telling the truth is letting A meet up with the neighbour, but A honestly doesn't deserve that does she?

Please don't tell me I should have told her 2 weeks ago, I thought I was doing the right thing but in reality I was being cowardly. Any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 30/10/2018 17:47

Nona That's a valid point, I didn't even think of her sexual health and the baby's health in all this.

OP posts:
MrsVietor · 30/10/2018 17:49

Even if it comes back on you, you've still done the right thing.

mintyfresh00 · 30/10/2018 17:49

What an utter C.

GreenTulips · 30/10/2018 17:49

She needs to know and base her future in facts not fiction

Tell her you wasn't sure two weeks ago and then the neighbour popped round to confess - you've been considering how to proceed, and decided she'd want to know.

Janus · 30/10/2018 17:53

Exactly as Mshopey said. Tell your friend you were really upset and didn’t want to hurt her so late in pregnancy and hoped that as he saw you AFTER he was kissing your neighbour you hoped he’d come to his senses. Then you saw him again today and you can no longer bear not telling her. I’d totally understand your position if I were your friend.
Sounds like the neighbour and him will be perfect together. Horrible pair.

Jules856 · 30/10/2018 17:56

Tell her now. She's got another two months before the baby is due which is better than finding out with a newborn. I also think she should have the choice as to whether she gives birth in front of him. That might sound weird but I would have felt very vulnerable if I found out not long after the birth he had been cheating. Its never going to be a good time to tell her but I don't think you have a choice.

Doingreat · 30/10/2018 17:57

You really need to tell her. Who knows who else he has been cheating on her with, thereby exposing her to possible stds. Can you take a picture of him leaving her house?
It's still better for her to know now than with a tiny baby.

Janus · 30/10/2018 17:57

Wouldn’t it have been nice to say something like ‘do you snog all your customers goodbye then’ and watch his face drain?! He’s such a git!

Fisharefriendstoo · 30/10/2018 18:01

I can’t understand people who wouldn’t tell their friend.

Huggybear16 · 30/10/2018 18:03

You really must tell her. Put yourself in that poor woman's shoes. You'd be a shit friend if you didn't tell her.

TheDarkPassenger · 30/10/2018 18:06

Tell her, but I’d say something along the lines of Whatever you chose to do I will support you, I don’t want to lose you over this. Otherwise I think if she chooses to stay with him her pride will override your friendship and she’ll probably distance herself from you.

Absolutely tell her though, I couldn’t forgive a friend who kept quiet. ( a few weeks might be understandable though)

Doingreat · 30/10/2018 18:07

Exactly @fish.

To know this piece of information and withholding it from the person it affects the most is like colluding in their betrayal. Which, op, I know you don't mean to do. But it's what's happening here. Your friend needs this information to keep herself sexually, emotionally and financially protected as well protect her baby. She needs this information to decide whether to have shitbag dp at the birth and involved in baby's life.

HippoLatte · 30/10/2018 18:08

Yep, as hard as it is, she needs to know.

thewayoftheplatypus · 30/10/2018 18:08

From a practical point of view, it would be better for her to find out now than in a month when she has a small baby and all the hormones that go with it.

I wouldn’t tell a friend/family member though- tell her alone if you can face it. If she decides to take the smug cheating git back, she will probably prefer that as few people know as possible

PolkaDoting · 30/10/2018 18:09

I would tell

RomanyRoots · 30/10/2018 18:10

Tell your friend, I hope she kicks him out and he doesn't go to ow, they don't always.
Your friend deserves to know.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 30/10/2018 18:10

Fish I suppose when you're not involved in the situation it's easy to say what somebody should do. I had my reasons for why I didn't want to - who really wants to tell their pregnant friend their partner is cheating on them with the neighbour!

I now know, I was wrong in my judgement. I'm looking for a way to tell her so I don't make her world come crashing down/we fall out/she doesn't believe me

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 30/10/2018 18:10

Def tell her. Gah!! I hate him on your behalf!! And as for your half-wit of a neighbour.......words cannot express how low I think both of them are. I don't normallly wish ill on people but in this case I totally do.

namechangefriday · 30/10/2018 18:11

Be loyal to your friend. Can’t believe you’re keeping it from her . I’d be furious and humiliated if my friends knew this about my dp and ‘didn’t want to get involved ‘

TidyDancer · 30/10/2018 18:12

Oh you have to tell her, although I do completely understand why you are struggling with this. There is a possibility of shoot the messenger happening but you have to take the chance.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorks · 30/10/2018 18:12

Another concern is I know I would have to do this face to face. If I say let's meet up, she could invite him (which she does lccassionally) or tell him, which could alert him.

OP posts:
Davon · 30/10/2018 18:13

Tell your friend.

Stop referring to women as "birds" Hmm

geologyrocks · 30/10/2018 18:16

I really think you should tell her.

Holdingonbarely · 30/10/2018 18:17

You should tell her. But be fully aware that she’ll blame you. He’s already got the excuses lined up.

MrsChristianTrevelyanGrey · 30/10/2018 18:18

I agree with everyone else, he doesn't care about her, if he did he wouldn't be cheating on her and he's been so careless that he's got caught kissing in a doorstep next to his pregnant partners friend...definitely tell her and the sooner the better, she needs to be aware of what he's doing and if she doesn't believe you then you may have to get the neighbour involved although I'm not sure why she wants him when it's clear he's a piece of work 🤷🏻‍♀️

Swipe left for the next trending thread