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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be sick of doing it all and getting sh*t for it

250 replies

nc3005 · 30/10/2018 12:25

i need a rant so please bear with me.

What is with people (i.e. my “d”p) who refuse or don’t bother to make decisions, leaving the entire burden on you to do so (talking things like holiday planning, organising budgets, joint savings and other finances, meal planning, even what to do on the weekend) and then they get pissy after the fact (sometimes way after) because you - the one who is always left to actually make the decisions/book the tickets/pay the bills/etc or it won’t happen - are “controlling”, don’t let them have ansay etc.
For the record I used to be indecisive and I think I’m a massive people pleaser. I always feel like I need someone else to “approve” before I book something, etc. For a holiday in the recent past I spent ages researching all possible flights, hotels, itineraries, budgets- repeatedly put them in front of dp hoping he’d opine on what he liked. Always the same vague “they all look good”. It ended up costing about a third more because we had left it so late. It was an amazing holiday but he recently threw it back in a row that I’d “just picked all the hotels/etc I liked” and he hadn’t had a say. He also was presented with a list of about 100 wedding venues in a 2 hour radius of us so we could pick and set up viewings. Again, he picked none. We ended up visiting some, picked a gorgeous one that he really liked. Now it’s all “you took control of our wedding planning, I didn’t get a say”. All of this really feeds my anxiety/people pleasing and lose confidence to plan or suggest anything.

I do accounts for a living, we are now combining our finances and I have recently worked out all our upcoming regular and one off expenses and how much we could afford to save for a big purchase in the next 2 years. Have offered to take him through this spreadsheet several times to see if he agrees with the figures. He either is too tired or not engaged. We are as a result a month behind on our savings target as we have yet to transfer direct debits, get our joint account etc. Whenever I raise the joint savings etc he tells me to stop being controlling, he wants “his say” etc- but he has no interest in crunching the numbers with me. If he ever does take an interest he seems happy and he never disagrees, but will throw back in arguments that I’m controlling everything.

For me, it feels like I can’t win. He is either passive aggressively refusing to engage because he disagrees, or he feels guilty that he never does anything, or he resents being so dependent on me to do the heavy lifting. Or all of the above. I keep asking for input, getting nothing, then down the line getting shit for having made the decisions. Might I add that he generally finds women in charge annoying - his SIL and Mum are “nags”, any assertive woman on tv is “annoying”, etc. His mum advised me to “let him think he’s in charge, men like it”. What is it - the 1950s?!?

I’ve half a mind to stop planning our jointly-wanted nice holiday next year until the next time he brings it up. By which time the prices will no doubt have skyrocketed.

Aibu?!?

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 03/11/2018 06:50

OP he knows that you have issues with people walking out, because you told him in the early days of your relationship. So when he picks a fight with you like with the TV thing, it's not by accident that after upsetting you, he walks out. He knows you're going to find it hard not to follow him. And if you changed your tactics and stopped going after him, he'd find some other way to upset you because he wants a fight.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/11/2018 08:02

It takes 2 to have an argument, but it only requires one person to start it.
That one person isn't you

nc3005 · 04/11/2018 20:10

I started keeping an incident log as suggested by a few people. It helps a lot to see this stuff written out. I often forget the what caused the tensions because it’s so trivial.
2 main things this weekend. One, I suggested to go shopping as I needed some winter things. He woke up sick, and I suggested we didn’t go as it wouldn’t be much fun for him if he’s sick. He got angry “PLEASE just STOP” as soon as I said that. As predicted, when we got there he trailed around coughing theatrically, completely irritable. Said he would “tough it out” if I continuedto want to look in the shops. I cut it short to spare the grief. It seemed like another thing I wanted to do that passive aggressively got undermined. Why did he even come when I said it was perfectly ok if he didn’t feel up to it?
Second, tonight after about the 4th night running of him retiring to lounge on the bed gaming rather than helping with chores or dinner, I asked him if he wanted to come and help and he was like “sometimes you come home sick and I do everything so don’t throw it back in my face now!”I said I really didn’t mean that and I’m sorry, please forget it. He then stormed in, slammed some washing up around then went out to sit in then freezing cold outside. I went out aghast, asked him to come back in as he’s been sick, asked what was wrong. He said whenever he’s sick I always make him feel shit about not doing enough. That I was just having a go at him before. I said no- that’s not what happened- I’m so sorry if you felt that way, please come back in. He refused despite knowing how anxious it made me. I mean for gods sake— the ONLY THING that’s his job in the house EVER is cooking twice a week and the associated washing up. I do it all- laundry, hoovering, bathroom cleaning, bed making, toilet cleaning (he has never done this ever!), all cat feeding and litter changing and de-fleaing, meal planning, contact with landlord re repairs, rubbish out, you name it. And I never ever complain or tell him actually you DONT do enough. Yet apparently I do this when he’s “ill”? I don’t think so!!

I realise I spend most of our time together in a state of anxiety. Constantly managing situations, biting my tongue, that cold feeling of realisation when I’ve said something to set him off and I get the punishment for it. His moods rule our home. Looking back at just a couple of days incident log it’s all so petty and also NOT about ME. I stay fairly consistent, he is up and down like a fucking yo yo. I am sick to death of this! I came in from his little sulk feeling actually quite powerful. This is utter bullshit and he needs a grip really badly. Does he honestly think that he gets a rough deal with me?! That I deserve this stuff?! I am so so angry tonight, and that is helping me form a short term escape plan. I think I am going to pack a little bag tonight and go stay at a hotel or possibly with someone tomorrow. That should give him time to sort out staying at his friends and my big BIL can come round to ensure this happens. This can’t go on. I feel like a fool and a scared puppy. that is NOT me.

OP posts:
ferntwist · 04/11/2018 20:15

So glad to hear you’ve formulated your escape plan OP. He’s just ruined your weekend. No way is it you. You need to get out as soon as possible and you can break free emotionally.

ferntwist · 04/11/2018 20:17

Also, brilliant idea on the incident log. Men like this mess with your head, make you forget how arguments start, make you think it’s all you. It really helps to have a written reminder so you won’t go running back to him in a weak moment.

ZackPizzazz · 04/11/2018 20:19

That's a great plan OP. It sounds like the log is really helping you. Please do go.

Prepare yourself, though, that when you do there will quite likely be tears, contrition, professions of love, promises to change. Or maybe anger. It doesn't matter, all of it's cheap words that don't mean a thing other than "you are daring to step outside the role I put you in, I'll say whatever it takes until I have you where I want you again".

AlmostAlwyn · 04/11/2018 20:21

Great to see it written down in black and white. You know it's not you and you shouldn't have to be biting your tongue and second guessing everything you say!

Good luck with the escape plan Flowers you are strong and you can do this!

MissMarplesKnitting · 04/11/2018 20:38

Good on you.

Keep on keeping on!

nc3005 · 04/11/2018 20:43

This is so hard I’ll be honest. I can’t quite believe it. Our wedding is next year. Our lives are interlinked. I don’t know if I felt this bad for that long, maybe I just did and normalised it? But I just feel overwhelmed (with anger and sadness)

OP posts:
MissMarplesKnitting · 04/11/2018 20:53

You're angry because you're angry at yourself and him. You're allowed to feel the rage. And the sadness.

It's part of the process. Allow the feelings to come, understand why they're there and let them drive you forward.

Fewminmostly · 04/11/2018 21:55

I don't think I'm alone wanting to shake you OP. You need to kick him out. If you stay you've made your bed...plenty of women have made a life for themselves single, skint, with kids, traumatised by abuse- you can definitely do it. Life is too short to stay in a state of anxiety and sadness because of social appearances. If you value how things look, his pay packet and the ring on your finger more than your own self esteem, mental health and dignity then carry on being a doormat.

Fewminmostly · 04/11/2018 22:03

And also- sorry if I've been harsh I'm just really annoyed by this and really hope things turn out well for you.

pandarific · 04/11/2018 22:14

He is such a childish wanker. I'm sorry this is happening to you but bloody well done for getting angry and making a plan to leave. ThanksGin

Rooting for you - your life will be so much more fun and free once you're not having to tiptoe around this knobhead.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/11/2018 00:48

Just come across this thread. What a twat. Seeing your update about being angry is brilliant. You aren’t feeling to blame and can see him for what he is, this is good and I’m glad to see you feel strong. He’s a childish idiot and he doesn’t get to waste anymore of your time.

Merryoldgoat · 05/11/2018 08:20

I’m so sorry he’s such a twat but I’m really glad you’ve seen the truth before marriage and mortgages. This can be a clean and easy break for you.

I suspect that when you seriously initiate a breakup you’ll see his true colours. And realise unequivocally you’ve done the right thing.

Good luck OP.

Merryoldgoat · 05/11/2018 08:21

I mean clean and easy logistically. I know emotionally it’s very hard and I’m not underestimating how difficult it must be for you.

KristinaM · 05/11/2018 08:44

I know it just seem liked your lived are interlinked. But it’s only a little .

You aren’t married , don’t own a house or business together , you don’t even work together. You don’t have children together or even separately .
Calling off the wedding will be upsetting I know, and you will lose some money on the deposits . But that’s NOTHING compared to your happiness.

And everyone will just think “ oh that’s a shame, still better now than a divorce later “. No one is as emotionally invested in your wedding as you are.

I predict that your partner will be VERY DIFFICULT when you tell him it’s over, so I suggest that you are well prepared and have all your plans in place. He’s not the type to do an amicable separation.

I think he will alternate between

Angry - raging at you, swearing and shouting, saying what an ungrateful bitch you are after everything he’s done for you, that you are liar because you said you loved him and you never did, accuse you of cheating on him, saying he can get someone better tomorrow and what a useless Gf you are , saying that all his family actually hate you and

Manipulative drama - saying how much he loves you and needs you, perhaps threats of suicide or other dramatic touches, mysterious threats of something that what you ask he will say “ why do you care anyway ? “ , reminding you of all the happy time and saying how much his gran / cat loves you

I see you have cats and I don’t know if he’s the type who will harm them or threaten to harm them to get at you. Lots of them threaten this. It’s like saying he tell the police you are an alcoholic / violent and they will take the kids off you.

Just to warn you.

SnappedandFartedagain · 05/11/2018 09:27

Just wondering where the OP says she doesn’t have any kids, as I’ve looked and can’t see that mentioned?

KristinaM · 05/11/2018 10:00

I can’t see where she mentions that she DOES have kids. It’s not the default position - every woman posting here must have children. There are lots of child free women who post on MN.

It would be unusual for someone to post at length about the imbalance of work and power in their relationship and fail to mention caring for their children. Or factor them into their plans for leaving.

Singlemummyto5 · 05/11/2018 11:09

I have read your post from the start and have had a constant lump in my throat and a few tears brimming. From someone who has been in so many abusive relationships I can see how hard it is for you, however without trying to sound harsh I'm not sure you want to leave really. You can clearly see that things are not right and hate the way he makes you feel yet you keep saying things like 'short term escape plan' 'everyone knows about the wedding now' I don't deal well with being on my own' you still make comments about how you know you will beg him to stay if he tries to leave. Your concerned about his health when he is deliberately making his sickness worse just to upset you, you are still more bothered about how he feels than how you do. If you really want out just go, your sister sounds like an amazing support system and everyone on here will be here for help and support. This man is beyond disgusting in the way he treats you, take it from me who is has 4 small children and another on the way and doi g it completely alone as I have always tried to see the best in people and believed they would change only to end up the one hurt, scared and second guessing my every move. My children are my world and get me through each day but this was not the future I hoped for them. Please get out before it is too late
The other thing that ran alarm bells was when you said he complains the cat makes to much noise, can you imagine if that was a baby or small child?

ferntwist · 05/11/2018 13:38

Wise words Singlemummy

MissMarplesKnitting · 05/11/2018 16:53

Cancelling a wedding is no biggie in the long term.

I've got a close friend who called theirs off. Later married someone else, and now blissfully happy with kids and it's a far, far healthier relationship than the previous one.

SnappedandFartedagain · 05/11/2018 17:21

Fair point KristinaM - I just wondered if I missed something as you said that they don’t have kids together or separately, and a few other posters said similar. I had assumed the opposite, but agree it would be strange not to mention them.

nc3005 · 05/11/2018 18:04

Hi all
I spent today reading Lundy bancrofts book. Thankyou so much to whoever suggested it. This has been another lightbulb for me.

And yes - I do have a child from a previous relationship. I’m sorry as this feels like the worlds biggest dripfeed and I’ve now probably killed the thread. Which sucks because it’s been a massive source of support for me so please understand I didn’t make this the focus of the thread because I wanted to know if his treatment of me was actually wrong and if our partnership sounds even remotely normal because honestly I just didn’t know which way was up. It’s why I have taken a lot and felt I “owe” a lot to a partner and why I havent pushed joint finances. (And why any plans to leave automatically include her) And I guess he knows that I feel that low self esteem because I was a single Mum.

My child has witnessed a lot of our rows and I have also realised a pattern of a lot of his irritation is with her behaviour. Just looking back on my log from this weekend-
Her chewing a sweet in a way he didn’t like
Her waking up “too early” 8am on a Saturday
Her telling a little white lie “you liar”
Her saying he had a “fat tummy” like one of her toys (she’s young and doesn’t really clock that it’s rude. I did pull her up on this but he sulked and didn’t accept her apology)
Her pretending to be a dog too loudly
Her being tired and grumpy “you wet blanket”
He used to be so good with her and I loved to see it. She is very attached to him. She’s a hard work kid but exuberant, articulate and loving. She really loves to think of us as a family unit but I would rather die than this become “her normal”
I KNOW he’s too harsh on her. What I didn’t KNOW was if I was being unreasonable in my expectations as he’s successfully persuaded me how hard work I am up to this point.

I’m really sorry I didn’t include my child in the thread context. Thankyou all anyway for your amazing support and you’ve done wonders for me. My whole head has changed in the past week.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 05/11/2018 18:21

You haven’t killed the thread at all OP, I get why you didn’t mention your DC, you wanted an objective view of his behaviour towards you, no reason that would mean you don’t get continued support Flowers

It does make it even more imperative that you take action though, you’re absolutely right that this cannot become her normal but it’s obvious you know this, we just have to find a way to build up your confidence so you have the strength to leave him.

Sounds like you’re having lots of lightbulb moments and that’s good, once you’ve seen him and his behaviour for what they really are you can’t unsee it and it’s only a matter of time before you leave. We’ll support you, don’t be scared Flowers

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