To not re-invite children?

[Twork]

DD handed out invites to her 8th bday party. She made the mistake of handing out 3 of the boys when they were together. One of the boys is 9 and started doing the usual "ewww girls. I don't want to go to YOUR party" and ripped the invite up. The other 2 boys who are 7, copied and also said nasty things about DD's party. DD was v upset and I was furious.

The mums of the 7 year olds have since asked to come. One texted to say "he lost the invite" and the other said "he accidently ripped it". DD doesn't know. They had my number from previous parties.

My first reaction is to text back "DD said he ripped up the invite and said he didn't want to come and said some things with made DD cry. DD was v upset about how he responded so I don't think it would be a good idea if he came. Thanks." I don't want to get into the he said/she said but want them to know what happened. Although they were just being 7 they need to know the consequences, even if they were jyst copying each other.

BUT I think if I asked DD she would say she wanted them to come. And truth be told, we've not had many yes replies.

If my DD did that, I would not expect her to be reinvited.

So, should I ask DD and do what she wants or should I just say no?

I have a 7 year old boy. I don't think he would have done that. I would be mortified if he did though.

Firstly do something very important and listen to what your Daughter wants.
I cannot imagine anything worse than her Birthday party, big day in her life, being spolit by having people to her party, who are so bad mannered and do not appreciate being there, just because you think they should be.

Secondly I would be contacting all the boys parents, both parents if need be of each of the boys and making sure that they know, what their children did and how they behaved.

I would also let your Daughters teacher know as your Daughter may possibly behave ok with you at home, but in the classroom may be upset with them, deliberately avoid them or show her upset feelings in some other noticeable way and her teacher needs to know why, she would behave in that way.
Finally if you only receive a small number of replies, then have a smaller party with more to share between all the guests and do not get stressed over it.
There will be other future years when your Daughter will want only a few close friends one year and possibly the entire class or youth group, the following years.
Give her space to grow at her pace and make her own friends as she chooses.

I would ask my child how they felt about them still coming. I suspect my daughter would be quite hurt by their actions.

Whether you re invite or not you should make it clear to the other parents what actually happened, so they can address that with their children.

I wouldn't be leaving this decision up to my seven year old child. She may feel she "has" to invite them for whatever reason. I would be showing my child that I have their back and that it's unacceptable for anyone to treat them this way.

Ask your daughter what SHE wants

Hugs to your dd, I would definitely class this as bullying- what they did was awful. They need to apologise to her. Whatever you decide I hope she has a fantastic birthday.

If it was my child I would want to know that he had behaved like this.

They need to apologise to her.

I wouldn't be bothered about apologies, but would want my daughter to realise that if someone is horrible to her she doesn't have to be nice and pretend it didn't happen. It happened, they didn't care that they hurt her feelings, and it would be a cold day in hell before I'd reward them with another invite to a party. Teach her that she doesn't have to accept shitty behaviour from boys.