To ask about the weird things you only learned from MN?

[Blanchedupetitpois]

It seems like in MN world there are all kinds of rules that I swear I’ve never seen expressed or followed in real life. What have you been most surprised by? I’ll start:

1. Adults don’t celebrate birthdays, and if you expect any recognition of yours, you’re being childish.

1. Halloween is exclusively an American import with no history in this country, and celebrating it is therefore tacky and meaningless.

1. Trick or treating is glorified begging.

1. Absolutely nobody other than you or your DP is remotely interested in your pregnancy, and even telling another person that you’re pregnant is akin to riding a donkey down the high street while calling for palm fronds to be laid at your feet in recognition of the impending miracle of your unborn child.

That buffets at evening do piss ups need to include salads, couscous, quinoa and cater to literally every type of fad or diet or you're some obese oik from up North who neglects their children and need SS involvement. Because of course, no one on MN drinks over a thimbleful of sherry at Xmas or they're a raging alcoholic in denial.

And massive LOL to say that colour charts came before racism

Surely the N word didn't first appear on a colour chart. When I was a child it was a perfectly acceptable word in the UK. There was a well known nursery rhyme, Agatha Christie used it in a title of one of her books and it was the colour of my school uniform.

I learned on here that some women go swimming when they have their period without using a tampon as they believe their vaginas hermetically seal when they are in water and no blood whatsoever will escape. I do so wish that was a joke

I just learned from another thread that someone thinks it’s disgusting to put butter on bread when making a sandwich.

Earlier today I learnt that it is fine to take a word that you don't understand the meaning of and then demand that everyone stop using it, because you erroneously think it means something that it doesn't.

I have also learnt over many years and many 'shoes on or off threads' that you are magically meant to know what a hosts preference is, without them telling you, because anything else is simply bad manners.

It's probably been mentioned already.

That people physically wipe poo scuffs of the toilet with a bit of elbow grease and toilet paper. What the fuck. Buy a toilet brush. 

That if you take your shopping to the till and something isn't scanned properly and you don't get charged, no matter how much it cost, if you don't take it in and confess this mistake straight away then you are a thief, you will go straight to hell and you might as well balaclava up and rob a bank because it's basically the same thing!

Not sure it’s that high a risk of entering a house that does the opposite shoe actions to you treaclesoda. Does seem on Shoe Threads that shoe-offers don’t know anyone that wears shoes instead. Also works vise versa. It’s a weird thing, I’m slighly suspicious there’s actually two planets that people post on here from. One wear people wear shoes indoors and another where they don’t.

This shoe business amuses me. My son in law always removes his shoes if he drops in, because he sometimes works in messy conditions. His wife, my daughter happily tramps mud, snow etc into the living room without a care in the world.

In real life, here at least, we give presents for birthdays and other special occasions. It is a relatively straightforward thing and only a bit annoying. On MN, this process is "gifting" and is both terribly wrought and a lethal social minefield.

IRL, if someone gives you something, it means they don't actually want it themself and it's yours to do with as you wish, politeness and tact notwithstanding. Many people on here seem to believe genuinely that a present or even a hand-down is some sort of loan that can be recalled at any time, with the giver having a veto on what happens to said present.

That people wash mince after cooking it

That your kitchen is not safe for cooking if you don't have a multi step bleaching ritual

That bleach does not remove poo from the loo, it just turns it white

That you have to stick your gloved hand in the loo to clean it, or risk death or severe illness to your family

...also, you must NEVER put on your heating if it is warmer than -20 C outside.

Have just seen an advert for 3 limited edition winter fragrance zoflora 99p in either b&m or home bargains (can't remember which) so I may go and buy some then I can consider myself a true MN member

I bought some after reading threads on here. I never use it

It is unreasonable to turn up at anyone's door uninvited - ever. Even if it's a relative. especially if it's a relative

It is unreasonable to expect a quick tour of a friend or relative's new home.

It is especially unreasonable to ever impose on your daughter-in-law by doing the above, but she should be able to impose on you with round-the-clock babysitting requests at a moment's notice.

It is unreasonable to object to your 'adult' 16 year olds shagging like rabbits under your roof.

Your 'adult' child should be ready to make their own way in the world completely independently by 16, or 18 if they're a really slow developer.

People should never make small-talk, ever. They are bound to say something that is grossly offensive and boundary-breaching to the OP.

Don't eat an M&S foodhall boughtsandwich in M&S cafe.
The fact you've spent mo he in the cafe on drinks means you should up and leave as soon as you open that packet and take a bite

Children are all capable of walking at least three miles, up mountains, in all weathers, from the age of 18 months or so. Thus, there is no need for anyone to use a pushchair once their child has reached that age, other than sheer laziness.

Despite this, you must absolutely not use baby reins on your amazing long-distance walking toddler, but must ensure they hold hands, no matter how wiggly they may be or how much the height difference between you woukd set your back twanging and cause their little arms to be held uncomfortably aloft. Having a safety backup in the form of reins would encourage backsliding.

I'm now very worried about my gay friends who smoke fags; have I been innocently assuming that they mean their cigarettes when they utter that word?

I do wish that people from the USA would stop referring to their arses as fannies when it's really another word for one's lady garden and so shouldn't be mentioned in public in polite society. They also seem to constantly use the rt#rd word when the whole of the REST OF THE WORLD knows that it is an extremely offensive word so THEY SHOULD STOP IT!!!!* %£_.) & +:!!!! 🤯🤬

After all, we invented the bloody language..... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

'Toxic' and 'narcissistic' are adjectives to be applied liberally to those you don't like.

Go get your "free half hour" advice that all lawyers give out.

Yeah, they don't.

Children are all capable of walking at least three miles, up mountains, in all weathers, from the age of 18 months or so. Thus, there is no need for anyone to use a pushchair once their child has reached that age, other than sheer laziness.

Despite this, you must absolutely not use baby reins on your amazing long-distance walking toddler, but must ensure they hold hands, no matter how wiggly they may be or how much the height difference between you woukd set your back twanging and cause their little arms to be held uncomfortably aloft. Having a safety backup in the form of reins would encourage backsliding.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

That dolphins are complete arseholes.

No one answers the front door.

All MIL's who are toxic have keys to your house

🤔😂

MIL must only visit their grandchildren for 14 seconds every other month, any more is overbearing...except when the parents need free childcare. In which case grandparents must follow strict regiment otherwise parents should go NC (apart from the days they need free childcare thenNC is temporarily revoked).