How reliant are you on your partner?

[purplelass]

Another thread has got me thinking - how much do you rely on your partner and how much reliance on another person is OK?

I'd shared a home with my ExH for 23 years so suddenly being a single mum to a teenager was a bit of a shock! However, it turned out that I am as strong, clever, stubborn and brave as I need to be. I very rarely need to ask my now DP for help with anything, which may be partly to do with the fact we don't live together, but I really enjoy my independence and love the sense of achievement I get from doing things for myself!

I'm concerned when women post on here that they are so reliant on their DP / DH for anything - you never know what's around the corner and having been there, done that, I do believe that independence is so important, even in a loving mutually supportive relationship.

Not at all dependent. I have my own money, own house, own car, no debt or mortgage. I would miss his cooking and ability to wash up but on the plus side only 6 toilet rolls would be used each month.

I literally can't think of anything I can do that my girlfriend can't do for herself. Although she'd be the first to concede I may have the slightly higher stock of patience.

It's all pretty equal, although I'm pretty much reliant on her to gestate, give birth to, and initially feed our baby.

We both came from relationship where we had to do most thing (my ex was battling depression for long spells, her ex was battling being fucking useless) so we have a pretty awesome level of teamwork going on.

Extremely dependent.
Disability here too, though.

But I have lived alone and done my own DIY. Do as much as I can now too, when I can.

I'm not reliant for finances or practical things (possibly beyond setting up computer things, but I am confident I would be able to do that if I needed).

I am reliant on him for emotional support and we rely on each other to help with childcare.

He has much better social skills than me and I sometimes rely on him for support in social situations. I would get by without him though.

Financially I'm reliant on him.
I had to leave my last job 4 years ago. It coincided with a move for she job (He has always earnt more than me by quite a margin) and then once we moved being unable to get a job due to a cancer diagnosis.
I am back at work now but only part time.
However, apart from the finances in recent years, I have always been totally independent. 27 years we have been together. 24 of them he was in the military and away for 6 to 9 months at a time.
I've done the lion share of holding down my own job,raising 3 kids and keeping everything afloat pretty much on my own.
It so happens he now works away all the time. Mon to Fri always and he works abroad for upto 6 weeks at a time too every now and again. So I do make 99% of the decisions to do with home and now adult/late teen kids and deal with what ever.
I did most of my cancer treatment on my own too. It was a worrying time as we had just moved house and I was not working at all. It was a joint decision.
I hope to increase my hours but not to full time. Dh and I have decided quality over quantity suits us better at the moment. He us hoping to reduce his hours too and slow down work wise next year.

I lived happily on my own for a few years before I met my DH. I was very independent financially, practically and emotionally. Now we are married I'm not so stridently self sufficient and to be frank, I'm pretty happy about that. Don't get me wrong, I still work full time, drive and do stuff around the house, but he does any jobs or tasks I don't enjoy (putting out the bins, mowing the lawn, etc).

If I wanted to remain totally indepedent, what would be the point of being married. Having a partner to lean on in every sense of the world just makes life that little bit easier. If I had to go back to my previous life I know of course that I can as I have done it before, but I'd rather not!

My mother is totally dependent on my father, she doesn't drive or even know how to pay a bill. I worry about how she will cope if he dies before her.

Very dependent due to disability. There are many things that I simply cannot do.

Once I decided to ‘prove to myself’ that I could put two AA batteries into DD’s fairy lights. It took me 40 minutes. It would have taken DH 40 seconds.

Being dependent on DH for many things does not make me any less ‘strong’ or mean that I contribute less towards our family.

Totally independent. We're together because we want to be, not because we need to be. We'd both survive without each other but we don't want do. Emotionally it would be tough to lose each other obviously.

I am the bread winner, so not reliant on him at all financially.

I rely on him to do the child care, if not I couldn't study and work as easily as I can now, so I wouldn't be able to focus on my career.

I rely on him for emotional support and kindness.

I could of course manage without him if I had to, but I would never want to.

I am pretty independent really.

More dependent than I ever thought I would be due to disability.

Before I became ill, I was the main earner, was almost pigheadedly independent in all aspects of life, did the DIY, gardening, finances, main child carer (due to pt working). DH still did stuff when I delegated to him but I took the lead in pretty much everything.

Now I can't work and i need my DH to earn all the £, do all the cleaning, most of the food prep, all the driving, pick up the slack on other stuff I can't do.

I try and contribute by being caring and compassionate and trying to not be too grumpy about my lack of ability to contribute

Usually I'm completely independent earn my own money, pursue my own ambitions, I can sort the garden, deal with tradesmen, strip walls, check my own car over etc. I don't need DH, a misogynistic acquaintance once said to DH does it not feel like you've got no balls? She doesn't need you at all. DHs response, 'but surely that's better she's with me because she wants to be not because she needs to be' shut him up pretty quickly.
At the moment I have quite severe sacroiliac pain that's causing me difficulties with walking, DH had been really supportive and is running around making sure I'm ok and things I'd usually do get done in addition to everything he usually does plus work, but it doesn't feel right to me. I feel a bit helpless and I don't like it, as much as I do appreciate everything he's doing

Completely independent and would be fine if we split up

If he died I wouldn't work for a year as my grief would be horrific (I could afford not to work if he died though)

Totally100% but I have a lot of anxiety issues

I just keep telling myself as much as I'm relying on him right now, he's relying on me to carry and birth this baby

I can check oil and water and change a tyre on my car.
I cut the grass and put the bins out. Yesterday i built a flat pack corner desk with shelves and no instructions nor YouTube.
I change lightbulbs.
I helped him to change the electric window regulator in my cars rear window. It's a convertible it's a bitch of a job. He did the work i supervised 😂😂
He does oil changes, brake disks etc. I can't work above my head and arms not strong enough to undo the sump plug.
I trust his practical and financial wisdom, he's sharp and shrewd.
I'm better with our daughter.
I once built the lego helicopter myself. Fuck that was hard!
I shop alone but prefer him to come with dark car parks.
Mil is disabled physically but never learned to drive so i worry if fil dies first.

We are both very independent and are both high earners. We both drive, have outside interests, separate friends as well as mutual ones. We are both very capable in most ways.

But we have been soul matesbfor nearly 30 years so are interdependent very much.

Financially we are mutually dependent - I earn more but we're equally dependent upon each other to continue to have the things in our life that we currently do, including our house. We could each just about survive without the other, speaking purely financially.

In other ways we are equally dependent upon one another, for example to do fair shares of childcare and chores. If he couldn't do this, I couldn't earn what I do. And my meetings are harder to reschedule than his are on the whole, but my employer is more flexible than his. So we work together well and as I wfh 3 days a week, I'm around to do more of the day to day stuff around the house that takes a few mins to do. But as I commute 2.5 hours each way to London 2 days, he picks up the lions share then. I've often wondered how the hell single parents do it and we never take each other for granted. But neither one of us is completely dependent upon the other.

I don’t think I depend on dh in the way you mean, but I far prefer having him around.

If he died tomorrow I’d obviously be devastated but I wouldn’t be incapable of doing whatever I needed to in the house or in life.

We share the child care and I would struggle without that and the emotional support. I don't rely on him for any practical tasks, we can both do DIY, money management, cooking, cleaning etc.

I have been 100% independent.

Currently I rely on DH for a LOT.

‘you never know what’s around the corner’ yeah yeah yeah. I’m very aware of this, I’ve nearly died a few times (attacked, overdose, car accident) and I am lucky to currently be living the life I absolutely 100% want. Which means not bothering to learn to put up shelves .

I put a lot of energy into making money so I could afford to not sweat the small stuff and I fucking love it. Most things you can pay someone for.

Funny how getting a cleaner (traditionally women’s work) is lauded on mumsnet, but traditionally male stuff like DIY, it’s claimed you must do yourself other you are weak and dependant. Nah. All manual labour is unpalatable to me, I’m not sexist with my refusal to break a sweat

In our current life I am fairly dependent on him as there are certain things I wouldn’t have undertaken without him, others that I have no interest in so just let him get on with them, others again that he has taken ownership of. However I was on my own for several years before I met him (with children) so I would be ok without him if I had to be again. There’d be some changes to my life but I’m not completely reliant on him and am capable of doing stuff myself.

Totally independent.

A year ago i would have said i relied on him to sort electrical stuff - then i wired a load of lights in myself.

Of course there are things i don't know - mechanics for one - as i really don't have any interest in it and would rather leave it to him to sort of pay a garage - but if push came to shove i'm perfectly capable of doing it myself.

I’m single and have been for a while after being totally dependent on an abusive bastard for a few years. Before him I was independent too. Still don’t quite understand how I got myself into that scenario.

My Gran recently had a knee replacement op - found my Grandad in the supermarket with a basket of whisky and cheese and bread as he’s never done a food shop before?!

Conversely my Grandma can’t even turn their TV on, the other week she said “I’ll be so cross if he dies between Emmerdale and Eastenders because I don’t how to use the flicker to change the channel”

I am fairly reliant on DH's salary, as I can't cover the bills and mortgage alone. Fairly reliant on him for DIY/garden stuff, but I did live in my own place for 4 years without him, so I could cope without. Emotionally, not very, although I would be more so without my mum, who's perhaps still my main emotional sounding board

I wasn't really referring to finances though, I mean more the little things, like changing a light bulb / putting the bins out / mowing the lawn / fixing the car or even putting petrol in / leaving the house when it's dark / the list is pretty endless for some people!*

Totally independent. I lived alone for a while before I met DH. Although I love my parents (well, my late mother anyway) they kicked me out age 18 and told me to learn to care for myself because that's good for you. It did make me very, very independent but it wasn't a nice way to learn that.

I feel that 18 is too young to have to do everything alone and no one you can turn to for help or advice. And being dirt poor for many years is miserable when your friends are studying, going to a warm house in the evening where they can afford heating and someone who cooks for you and buys you a warm winter coat and socks with no holes in them. I felt lonely and deprived. It did turn me into a super independent woman.

I wouldn't make the same decision for my child but you can understand that I do feel that a lot of young adults are being pampered too much and not learning independence. I feel that your job as a parent is to teach your children how to adult. Not learning it or being left to fend for yourself can both be bad for someone.