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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Period- what your DP do this?

552 replies

Leder · 28/10/2018 22:21

It's the first day of my period and I'm in a fair bit of pain. Feeling a bit sorry for myself and just fancy a sparkling lemon flavoured water from Tesco. Asked DP 10 mins ago if he would go get me one and he categorically said no. I know it's late but aibu to ask. I am on the verge of tears and just would love a "treat"

OP posts:
TwinMummy1510 · 29/10/2018 03:05

It's a period, not an illness. I think I missed a comment but reading later comments, I'm guessing you have endo? However, people referring to the possible complications such as horrendous diarrhoea, vomiting etc - you've not mentioned any of those so I"m guessing you're just feeling in pain and rough.

Fair enough asking your partner - 10pm isn't late for us either, but it's still a faff when it's freezing cold outside (which it is tonight) and it's Sunday night - presumably he has work in the morning?

The issue I have is not that you asked him, but the fact you've got in a pissy when he said no. You really could go yourself. It sounds like you and your partner regularly do nice things for each other which is great but if you're doing the dying swan act every time you have a period I suspect he's a bit fed-up with it.

And before I get slated, I do understand the pain of endo. I've got a friend with three young boys all of whom have special needs, one very profound. Her husband works away. She managed to cope with the boys, do school runs, shopping, everything while waiting for surgery to have a hysterectomy. It was hard work but it's possible. Obviously not ideal though....but popping down to the shop for some fizzy water won't kill you if you want it that badly.

If you do stuff like this for each other all the time, did you ask him why he wouldn't go? Or did you just cop a strop?

StarfishSandwich · 29/10/2018 03:08

By 10ish when this thread was started we’d been tucked up in bed for about an hour (DH leaves for work at 4.30) so barring actual medical emergency there’s no way he’s pop out for a treat for me and I wouldn’t ask.

In they day, if he was passing a shop, no problem but I wouldn’t send him out for a treat specifically for me when I am an able bodied adult. (And probably wouldn’t go out myself just for one item unless it was essential as it seems like a waste of petrol and energy!)

The only exception I can think of is when I had hyperemesis and was in bed vomiting, feeling really weak and dizzy, and DH went out specifically to buy me ‘something apple-y’ because I couldn’t face eating anything else.

Kittycuddles · 29/10/2018 03:09

I think it's very hard to remember what a loving relationship is once you've been in a bad one sometimes. I had 3 abusive ex's and currently am in disbelief and awe of how perfectly nice and kind my bf treats me.

I guess everyone is different and some people live in a way that they would do these things and others wouldn't. And expect themselves back which isn't always possible unfortantly.

pallisers · 29/10/2018 03:10

but I probably wouldn’t ask him, because I am not a pathetic big baby.

Is that what you think the OP is? How odd ... and rude.

Nutellalovesme · 29/10/2018 03:21

I agree with everything you have said @pallisers

Some very Hmm responses on here

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 29/10/2018 03:23

No. He'd be asleep on the sofa.

fatbrows · 29/10/2018 03:23

Do you know why he said no?

ScoobyGangMember · 29/10/2018 03:24

San Pellegrino will have zero effect on your period pain. YABU. And a lot bit precious.

Unicyclethief · 29/10/2018 03:26

Yes. Why would a grown woman need someone to get water for her? Painkillers, yes. Tampax, hell yeah. But fucking water?

Unicyclethief · 29/10/2018 03:27

And to be on the verge of tears because no one will bring her water? Weird.

Ragwort · 29/10/2018 03:46

I am sure my DH would but I would never ask & we live rurally so the thought of anywhere being open at 10pm is just a joke.

Woolyheads · 29/10/2018 04:05

Good god no. And I wouldn’t dream of asking.

needsanewname · 29/10/2018 04:10

No, you're on your period - it's not like you're 37 weeks pregnant with cravings. Surely you could go yourself?

bubbles108 · 29/10/2018 04:13

It's fairly normal in our household to pop to the shops this late. And it's not unheard of to do little things like this to make the person you care about feel better (whether it's rational or not)

But he's said no this time

Accept and move on

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2018 04:35

No, you're on your period - it's not like you're 37 weeks pregnant with cravings. Surely you could go yourself?

At 37 weeks pregnant I was far more capable of going to the shop myself than I am on my first day of my period. Why? BEcause I wasnt bleeding like a stuck pig, wasnt in so much pain I was vomitting and crying, and wasnt so low on iron I could fall asleep on a washing line. Thank fuck for the menopause.

But, hey, its just a period right?

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2018 04:39

Oh and OP, on the rare occasion H was ill I would make a point of getting stuff in I know he likes and could eat/drink depending on the illness. He would do the same and if I said I fancied something he would offer to go and get it it, its just what you do.

ITs the difference between being married to someone and sharing a house with them. Some marriages on MN seem curiously clinical and uncaring.

MrWolfknowsthetime · 29/10/2018 04:42

Yeah, but San Pelligrino isn't going to do anything for any of that.

OP doesn't need tampax/pads for the stuck pig bleeding, painkillers for the pain or a burger for the iron. She just wants fancy lemonade. Which is an entirely different scenario.

I have periods similar to what you are describing. DP is sympathetic and fetches supplies when needed. But I wouldn't ask him to go out for lemonade.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/10/2018 04:43

My DH wouldn't, but then he'd have been asleep for an hour and a half by the time you posted, so I wouldn't have even asked him.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2018 04:56

I would ask either, he would ask if I wanted anything and offer to go, as would I for him. Thats the difference I guess.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2018 04:56

I wouldnt ask....

CollyWombles · 29/10/2018 05:23

Hey OP. Did you know that dehydration makes period cramps worse? Drinking plenty of water actually does help reduce cramps. And citrus helps quench thirst better than other flavoured water. Funny how we can start to crave something without really understanding why isn't it?

Anyways, your partner should have gone. It was a small thing. My DH would not only have gone but he would bring me back a crate of lemon water if wanted it. Because he loves me and if he could make me feel better when in pain, he would.

Eliza9917 · 29/10/2018 05:30

Mine would.

DisneyMillie · 29/10/2018 05:38

My dh wouldn’t at that time - don’t think he’d get painkillers either but would probably get tampax after moaning that I should be more prepared - he’s not good after about 9pm!

Shoxfordian · 29/10/2018 05:41

My dp would go get me anything I wanted from Tesco but we live literally over the road from it. Is yours usually kind to you op? Just wondered if this was a pattern
Hope you're feeling better today anyway

Katedotness1963 · 29/10/2018 05:45

Yes, he would go if I asked. The first day of my period is known as hell day. I usually spend it bed with hot water bottles and my husband cooks the evening meal for me.

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