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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Period- what your DP do this?

552 replies

Leder · 28/10/2018 22:21

It's the first day of my period and I'm in a fair bit of pain. Feeling a bit sorry for myself and just fancy a sparkling lemon flavoured water from Tesco. Asked DP 10 mins ago if he would go get me one and he categorically said no. I know it's late but aibu to ask. I am on the verge of tears and just would love a "treat"

OP posts:
Original poster
Leder · 29/10/2018 11:37

Thanks, everyone. Still feeling the same in terms of pain but slightly more emotionally stable now I've had my sugar fix from a big bowl of crunchy nut.

Have a meeting at 2, slightly apprehensive that I won't be able to figure my pain out and make myself look presentable. Hopefully, javelin arse won't strike midway like it did a few periods back.

OP posts:
AbsentmindedWoman · 29/10/2018 11:38

It's incredibly misogynistic to sneer at women who have awful periods.

Until I was about 25 my periods were fairly light and easy, with some cramping that could be relieved by over the counter painkillers. That's not the case anymore.

Havaina · 29/10/2018 11:40

Well, I love my partner, and part of that IMO is not sending him out in the cold at 10.30pm on a sunday for lemonade. If he offered to do a painkiller run - or if I asked him to - I might combine that with a request for a few nice bits that I fancied, but I definitely wouldn't send him out just for that.

Exactly this. I don't want to put my husband out needlessly because I love him. OP's implication that she and her family care for eachother more because they do random shit for eachother is quite superficial, like her predilection for San Pellegrino.

OP, your DP doesn't want to get you the San Pellegrino at silly o'clock so the whole premise that you all somehow care for eachother more is flawed. He must find it annoying.

JoeElliotsMullet · 29/10/2018 11:41

My DH would absolutely go out on an emergency painkiller dash at that time of night, and he'd probably chuck in a treat without being asked, but no way would I ask him to traipse out just because I fancied something. And I also have very painful periods, so while you have my sympathy op, I think you are being a bit u.

Original poster
Leder · 29/10/2018 11:42

I've never said that it's anything to do with loving each other more. Those are pp's assertions. Just that's what we do here. Nothing more, nothing less.

OP posts:
Pinkkittens292 · 29/10/2018 11:43

No mine definitely wouldn't have.

user1467718508 · 29/10/2018 11:43

javelin arse Grin

Thanks for giving me a Monday smile, OP!

Original poster
Leder · 29/10/2018 11:43

I accept I was being unreasonable, that's not a problem.

Also, this is not a weekly occurrence.

OP posts:
ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 29/10/2018 11:45

Thanks JacquesHammer, glad it's working for you. I can't take the combined pill due to my blood pressure but neither my GP nor gynaecologist have mentioned the mini pill. I'll make an appointment to discuss it with them.

Eilaianne · 29/10/2018 11:46

if i asked, he would, because it would be so unusual and out of character.

i would do the same for him, no questions. if he asked, i know it's important and if i can help cheer him up, absolutely.

we tend to be very mindful of not taking the piss with this sort of thing, whilst i know other people aren't necessarily the same (i'm thinking of one childhood dear friend that sees this sort of thing as "proof" of love, and needs constant reinforcement).

so like PP have said, it depends on the dynamics of the relationship - but in our case, i'd do it without a second thought (maybe with a bit of a grumble about the cold, but i'm only human!).

headinhands · 29/10/2018 11:47

He'd go for something that was necessary. I wouldn't ask him to go out just for a bottle of lemonade though.

Havaina · 29/10/2018 11:48

This is what I dislike most about mumsnet - the baseline assumption that men are shit.

Not, you are the one who said Ptang's DH must be questioning whether dinner every night is fair recompense for 3am ice cream request?! I then said he has a great deal (tongue in cheek, because we do not know the ins and outs of Ptang's marriage.)

For you to take that as confirmation that the MN baseline assumption is that men are shit is frankly bizarre.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 29/10/2018 11:49

He would but I wouldn't ask him to go out that late if he was relaxed.

lilyheather1 · 29/10/2018 11:50

OP, I don't think you were unreasonable in the slightest. I think you were in pain and well aware that painkillers don't touch it, and so were looking for the next best thing that might make you feel even an ounce better. If my DH saw me in as much pain as you were in, he'd be asking me what he could so to help, even if that meant running out at 10pm to get me something I really fancied that might take my mind off the shit storm going on in my uterus. I hope you feel better today and that you're able to treat yourself to something nice. Flowers

Havaina · 29/10/2018 11:51

OP, you said 'The thread has definitely made me appreciate my family (parents, siblings, husband etc) who on the whole tend to want to spoil each other if one us is down in the dumps. We don't see it as an imposition.'. That does imply you love eachother more. The problem with basing love on such arbitrary gestures is that when your DP said no, you now feel upset.

Original poster
Leder · 29/10/2018 11:53

Havaina I disagree, I'm just grateful that for whatever reason those are our dynamics. I have not implied anything regarding love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Leder · 29/10/2018 11:55

Please don't put words into my mouth (only fizzy lemon water please)

OP posts:
Original poster
Leder · 29/10/2018 11:55

into=in

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 29/10/2018 12:12

I also think people who insist on San Pellegrino or Perrier or Evian are too brand obsessed.

I am the own brand queen, but some things you cannot get a cheap version of. Coca Cola and San Pelligrino Lemon are 2 of them.

HereForTheLineEyes · 29/10/2018 12:14

Well, I love my partner, and part of that IMO is not sending him out in the cold at 10.30pm on a sunday for lemonade. If he offered to do a painkiller run - or if I asked him to - I might combine that with a request for a few nice bits that I fancied, but I definitely wouldn't send him out just for that.

Yes to this.

I have a friend who likes to make a big show if asking her DH to get her things from the fridge/kitchen/her handbag/the car/pop round the corner to buy x,y and z, when we are in each other's company. You can see the poor man getting more and more frustrated (5 separate runs out to the car on one occasion) as she sits there smugly smirking. It's like she is proving how under the thumb she has him. He should really just say no, but I imagine all hell would break loose and he wants to avoid a making a scene in front of people.

I wouldn't ask my DH for something I just fancies that late at night. I wouldn't appreciate it if he try and round to me and went "I fancy a sausage roll...would you please get me one from the nearest shop?" At nearly 11 at night, so I wouldn't do the same to him.

I asked him what he would do if I asked him what OP asked her DH.
He said he would 100% go out and get me sanpro/painkillers/nappies for the baby etc, but said at 10.30 at night, no he would not be heading out to get something that had just tickled my fancy.

He is away out now to get me some fizzy lemon water as all this talk of it has made me crave some, but it's midday and he was popping out anyway to get a picture reframed for my birthday.

Original poster
Leder · 29/10/2018 12:16

Trust me, dp is not under the thumb. I try not to take the piss..too often. I would hate to be that wife.

OP posts:
ProfessorMoody · 29/10/2018 12:45

Some people don't have "just a period" though, and to minimalise the experiences of others is vile.

I for one have a period once every 4-6 months and I can be laid up in bed bleeding for over a month. At it's worst, I can't stand for pain and huge clotting bleeds and I can't do a thing for myself.

My DH looks after me, not because he is under the thumb but because he actually cares about me.

MaisyPops · 29/10/2018 12:48

ProfessorMoody
Some women have it really bad.
It doesn't mean someone is a prick for not wanting to go out especially to buy a specific type of water because someone wants a treat.

Would I get a treat for DH? Yes.
Would he get a treat for me? Yes.
Do we both call in places and bring home nice treats just because? Yes.
Would either of us ask the other to go out especially after 10pm because we wanted a specific type of water as a treat? Probably not.

HereForTheLineEyes · 29/10/2018 12:53

I wasn't saying any DH who goes out of his way to cater for his sick DW is under the thumb (as I said mine would do this), but that there is an element of treating people as you would like to be treated. I wouldn't want to go out at 11pm so I wouldn't ask my DH to.

DistanceCall · 29/10/2018 13:24

Ok, so apparently the OP has dripfed that she has endometriosis.

In that case she knows what it's like, and she should make sure that she has the things she needs/wants during her period. Ultimately, you take responsibility for your own wellbeing.