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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 85 on a dual carriage way is to fast?

166 replies

Thisnamechanger · 28/10/2018 19:21

That really. DP always seems to have to be the fastest bastard on the road. It scares the shit out of me to the extent where I have anxiety attacks on certain routes. I can't drive and the only other people I've spent much time on DCs and Motorways are DBro and DF who are both the same if not worse. Is this normal? I have lost a friend in a RTA so appreciate I may be oversensitive.

OP posts:

Limensoda · 30/10/2018 09:14

it is INCREDIBLY annoying to have your driving criticised by someone who can't drive themselves so I can see both side tbh

You don't have to be able to drive to know a driver is speeding or being a prat.
If criticism is annoying then they should drive properly.

Gaspodethetalkingdog · 30/10/2018 09:20

Most of the dual carriage ways/motorways around here are too crowded to go at high speeds, last time I drove on the M25 the fastest I could manage was 50 and most of the time 40.

If this man goes everywhere at this speed he is a danger to other drivers and should lose his licence ASAP.

Mishappening · 30/10/2018 10:01

You don't have to be able to drive to know a driver is speeding or being a prat.
If criticism is annoying then they should drive properly.

Indeed so. Even people who have not learned to drive can read. If they see a sign saying 70 and the driver is doing 85 then they will be able to work out that the driver is breaking the law.

RatUnholyRolyPoly · 30/10/2018 10:39

Part of being a good driver is ensuring your passengers are comfortable in the car with you. And it sounds like your dp is going to try and make you feel more comfortable OP.

I used to be the same as you, and would grit my teeth in the car with other people driving fast - even 70 and I was tense as hell! I put off learning to drive until my later twenties.

Now I would consider myself a really confident driver, and I'm not scared in the slightest. Not when I'm the one driving at any rate; other people can still get my pulse racing! Funnily enough though, when you're the one behind the wheel 85mph doesn't feel quite as death-defying as it does when you're a passenger... not that I'd know, of course.

TemptressofWaikiki · 30/10/2018 10:58

Of course, it is too fast. But you are also BU for not making more of an effort to learn to drive yourself.

Limensoda · 30/10/2018 11:45

But you are also BU for not making more of an effort to learn to drive yourself

I don't think you understand that for people with an anxiety about driving its not as simple as making an effort.
It's not laziness. It doesn't help that there are angry, impatient, intolerant twats on the road either!
I'm sure you wouldn't want to be driving next to someone driving their car who has a full blown anxiety attack.

TemptressofWaikiki · 30/10/2018 12:51

I did not say 'lazy', I said effort. Those two words have different meanings. For a start, being a passenger can be far scarier, even if sitting next to a good driver. Being able to drive yourself gives the OP more control. There are driving schools that specialise on learners with anxiety. It is a major issue but something you can and should still tackle. Yes, OP's DH is wrong to drive so fast but she needs to look at alternatives then.

araiwa · 30/10/2018 13:41

Its a wee bit too fast

But not enough for hysterics and panic attacks

Original poster

Thisnamechanger · 30/10/2018 13:52

But not enough for hysterics and panic attacks

I'll switch them off then!

OP posts:

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 30/10/2018 14:15

I've been thinking about this thread...

Would your DH consider an advanced driving course? I'm wondering if it would appeal to his sportsman's ego and would make him a better, but not faster driver.

As I posted last night, I think that someone who doesn't notice speed cameras and police vehicles is a poor driver. The advanced course would help him to improve his hazard awareness.

Limensoda · 30/10/2018 14:17

It is a major issue but something you can and should still tackle

Can, I agree with. Should? Absolutely not if you don't want to.

But not enough for hysterics and panic attacks
People with anxiety can have a panic attack at much lower speeds! It doesn't have to be really fast to trigger an attack.

Satsumaeater · 30/10/2018 14:30

85 is too fast.

The limit is 70 for a reason and I don't buy all this "cars are safer these days" rubbish. They are not. If you crash at 85mph you are unlikely to come out of the situation alive. Speeding does not generally cause crashes, but it definitely contributes as you have less time to react to problems etc.

70 is fast enough on our roads, 60 when it's wet.

I agree with a pp though who said that people who go far too slowly, eg 45mph on a 70 limit road are just as dangerous in their own way.

I am constantly wondering why people can't just drive to the road, traffic and weather conditions.

Parker231 · 30/10/2018 14:34

There is no way I would be a passenger with such a dangerous driver. If he wants to risk his life, that’s his problem but he wouldn’t be taking any risks with mine. Hopefully the police will catch up with him.

Op - why are you going in the car with him?

Original poster

Thisnamechanger · 30/10/2018 15:10

Would your DH consider an advanced driving course? I'm wondering if it would appeal to his sportsman's ego and would make him a better, but not faster driver.

That's a terrific idea, thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

Thisnamechanger · 30/10/2018 17:10

Actually what makes it even more terrific is I actually know a former F1 driver! Quite a famous one too. He offers advanced driving courses since he retired. Will tell DP about it.

OP posts:

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 30/10/2018 20:18

That sounds like it could work then, especially learning from a pro

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