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Original poster

Will my son go to prison?

307 replies

MrsPortious · 28/10/2018 17:03

DS is 17. He has been arrested before for assault but it was dealt with by youth justice serve so officially not charged.

Early this week, he was arrested for affect. An unprovoked attack on an unknown male, caught in CCTV, where he was seen kicking him over 20 times in the head and face. Unknown male has not come forward. Behind the scenes, DS was already being investigated for threats of arson and threats to kill.
Solicitor says it has prison written all over it. I can’t get my head around that. He’s currently released without bail pending further enquiries.

Will he go to prison?

I’ve tried so hard to get him help. Have referred him to social devices, drug counselling, Cahms ... cahms are the only ones still involved.

I’m just stuck in limbo now waiting for a court date. I have no support and it’s killing me. His father was supposed to be having him this weekend but “something came up”. I don’t get the opportunity of “something coming up”. I have it 24/7.

The CCTV is so sickening, it’s the kind of thing that will go viral on Facebook if the press gets hold of it. DS cares not one bit. When solicitor told him it could be a prison sentence, he didn’t react at all. Solicitor rang me the next day to say he’d never seen such a violence assault and he’d never known such an emotionless response from the offender.

Will my Christmas Day involve me signing into the visitors book at HMP? I have nobody to talk to about this.

OP posts:
Ghanagirl · 28/10/2018 21:52

*OP just sending love as not sure what to say.
My half brother had so many arrests back in1900 but he’s now married to fab women and he’s now really happy!!!
Lxxx

LisaSimpsonsbff · 28/10/2018 22:09

Gosh, there are a lot of people who are very certain they'd react exactly perfectly and selflessly in a situation they've been lucky enough never to be in. None of you really know how you'd react if this were your child.

Boohissmiss · 28/10/2018 22:19

Lisasimpson and you know each and everyone of our backgrounds I think not

Nofunkingworriesmate · 28/10/2018 22:24

He clearly can more than " take care of himself" so he will probably be safe in prison from violent offenders as he is clearly one too. I'd imagine after a bit of banter about his size and young looking appearance they will leave him alone.
You can ask him to be segregated for his, and others protection they would take that into consideration hopefully.
If I were you I'd be praying for prison to keep him from murdering someone. And maybe drug rehab if that's what's wrong with him

His relationship with his dad must be a huge part of his anger and hurt as I can't imagine anything " coming up" in my life that would be more important than sitting with my son and ex wife and supporting each other through this
Can't believe his out on the streets after what he has done, I'd have him handcuffed to his bed on bread and water getting him used to prison if he were mine ...

BlackeyedGruesome · 28/10/2018 22:39

trying ot get help for children who are struggling is bloody difficult. and I bet op started trying when he was a child. here there is a 3 and a half YEAR waiting list for individual one to one help.

steff13 · 28/10/2018 22:49

Why do you think the victim has not reported the assault? If he was hospitalised, the staff would report it. Could he be dead somewhere?

Are the police obligated to tell a suspect that the victim was found in a situation like this? It's could be that they do know where he is and they aren't telling for now.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 28/10/2018 22:54

A relative of mine was murdered by a sick psychopath and the devestation left behind is immense in many ways

I hope your son does go to prison for a long stretch .

Also, the fact that you say he has gone out with his mates tonight ? After what he done earlier this week do you think it wise ? I suppose at 17 they ARE stropy so he might have just left but I seriously don't think he should be on the streets.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 28/10/2018 22:55

PS I don't blame you OP, I feel sorry for you .

We can only bring them up to a certain point and hope we done the best . One of mine is no angel but is the same age as your son . To my knowledge he has never beaten anyone up or made threats to kill .

hmmwhatatodo · 28/10/2018 23:03

I wonder if the problems were exacerbated when secondary school decided to drop the school action plus and just put him into isolation. Did he not get seen by an Educational Psychologist at primary?

maddening · 28/10/2018 23:28

I do think your focus is wrong - eg you do realise you could go to prison - surely you do realise that you have really hurt another person and that you could have killed him - and the effect on their family

Thursdaydreaming · 28/10/2018 23:30

OP I feel so sorry for you. But don't worry about what he'll do for christmas, worry about how you are going to get this dangerous horrible man out of your house and out of your life, without him bashing you or burning your house down.

Sadly he probably won't go to prison, he'll get let off scot free to do it again.

drinkswineoutofamug · 28/10/2018 23:54

op . I have had this off my daughter since she was 15. I've done estimated 35 court appearances. She has I hate to think how many convictions. Her demons are drink and drugs. She is a high risk offender. I find peace when she's in prison. If anyone has read my 2 threads , they will know I've been to hell and back with her. Even though he has committed a terrible violent crime, he may not go to prison. Youth courts try not to send young people to jail. They try other methods, curfew and tag, and rehabilitation. This they have to abide by or they get called back to court. Hence I did so many hearings. Once he hits 18/19 it's a different ball game completely. We were lucky there's a woman's prison near us. Others not so lucky. His attitude at the moment is because he thinks he's untouchable. It's also put him high in the pecking order with his 'mates' some kids (not all of them ) see it as a badge of honour. He may come across as lacking empathy but deep down he will be shitting it. I read you have accessed services for your son. The courts will put orders in place and he will have to work with the young offenders team. They will help with services and can fast track. I wish you the best. I'm not going to sugar coat it , but it will get worse before it gets better. Your a good mum. Stay strong.

ChooChooBeanz · 29/10/2018 01:42

I’m sorry to say that he probably will OP, but this could be the making of him ...,a positive could come out of it ❤️❤️❤️

hungryhippo90 · 29/10/2018 01:48

Mrsportious,

I am so sorry, to you. Not your son. I am so so sorry you are going through this, and alone it seems from your first post.
I cannot for one second understand what you are going through or what you must be feeling, but I’m sure you must feel a lot of very sad emotions.

You sound like a wonderful mum and go has tried her hardest, as hard as this may be, he will have to face the consequences whatever they may be, but please, take absolutely no blame for his actions. They are his, and his alone.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 29/10/2018 01:51

My only understanding of having a child in this situation is from the news, media etc ie absolutely bugger all.
I really feel for you ladies who’s kids have so sadly hit the shit. It must be be so hard, I can’t imagine.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 29/10/2018 01:53

You can’t just stop loving a child

YuhBasic · 29/10/2018 02:02

I’m honestly astounded at how often the phrase “troubled young man” has come up in reference to what is clearly a violent thug. I’m sure none of you would be sympathising with troubled young men who beat up relatives of yours!

No offence to you OP. It must be terribly hard on you 💐

Chalkhillblu3 · 29/10/2018 02:29

I think you should be worrying about yourself. If he can kick people in the head without a qualm, he can be violent to you too.

And where is he getting his money from?

picklepost · 29/10/2018 02:32

This is so sad.

I've read often that most prison inmates have serious learning or mental difficulties, usually undiagnosed until they end up in prison.

Wish I knew what to suggest, but at the very least want to wish you and your family the best. How immensely stressful.

ohello · 29/10/2018 02:34

You can’t just stop loving a child

Come to find out, any quality can be improved upon with practice. We can practice kindness, respect, compassion, any of those, both for ourselves and others. Once we begin our practice, it doesn't mean we magically turn into perfect beings who never slip and fall. When we our less than kind, we simply get up and practice again tomorrow.

That being said, telling yourself that you have no other option than to continually love and support a psychopath who expresses no remorse and is a potential danger to yourself, is you brainwashing yourself.

I'd dropkick an abuser off a cliff rather than let him put me in danger. I can do this because I have practiced kindness and respect for myself. There comes a point where it's okay to stop supporting someone who causes you so much grief. I can't decide for other people where they should draw that line for themselves but I know what I would do in a situation where someone is demonstrating those toxic "cluster B" personality disorders.

Jenny70 · 29/10/2018 02:42

I think you need to hope that prison gives him the treatment or shock he needs to commit to helping himself. If he won't/can't change, then his life is taking a path to wrack and ruin.

Currently, he's obviously not in control of his life.... and that is not changing in the real world. It's getting worse.

So yes, he is likely to go to prison, and the actual question is, how can I get him the help he needs whilst in prison?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 29/10/2018 02:45

Am humbled ohello I have no experience of this at all.
Know that I would kill anyone who hurt my dc. But if my dc were the ones doing the hurting, well it would kill me

Redglitter · 29/10/2018 02:49

if there is no witness it is unlikely unless he admits to it. Police base their evidence on the suspect admitting things

It's been captured on cctv!!! Police base their evidence on a damn sight more than confessions otherwise everyone arrested would deny the offences and no-one would ever be charged

Coyoacan · 29/10/2018 02:51

And you don't stop loving your child because they have committed a crime, no matter how dreadful that crime is

This is so true. I always said that if I found out my dd was a serial killer I would turn her in but go and visit her in prison every day.

Of course the victim is paramount, but the OP has tried her hardest to bring her son up properly and get him the help he needed, just like all the rest of us. We have to keep society safe, but we should not give up on human beings either, especially such a young one.

Charolais · 29/10/2018 02:54

OP It might be helpful to many mother's here if you described his childhood more and how he acted different than your other (uni) son.

When did he first start to show signs of going wrong, what did he do and how did you handle it?

It might help to write/talk about it.

It would be better for all concerned if he went away to prison for a while. You especially need a break from the stress he's causing.