To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

OMG your sister is a irresponsible bloody fool! Tell her your car, your rules and no one goes anywhere in your car without wearing their seat belt.

YWNBU and your sister is an idiot. Show her our answers.

You did absolutely the right thing. I totally agree with you. This is non negotiable. You are the driver. It is illegal for a child to not be safely restrained in a car. There is a risk of death or serious injury if a car is in an accident and a child is not so restrained. I would have been furious with anyone who behaved like your sister.

YANBU, that's so dangerous (& illegal) to not have a 2yo in a car seat.
I had a similar problem recently, my neighbour & I take our DC to the same playgroup (they are under 2). I drive & neighbour doesn't, she usually walks there with the pram. The other day she asked for a lift & I said only if you have a car seat for your DC (I don't have a spare to lend her). She didn't have a car seat & said she'd just hold him on her knee, which I said no to. She kicked off & we've not spoken since, she thinks I'm 'ridiculous'. I couldn't give a toss what she thinks of me, I'm just so shocked that she doesn't understand the dangers of not using a car seat.

Wtaf. How would your sister feel if you did crash and her daughter was propelled from the car not standing a chance of survival? Stupid woman!

My sister is a paediatrician in a hospital and car seats are one of the things she will not compromise on ever and I’m fairly sure that would be the case even if it wasn’t the law. They live near a beach where you can drive onto the sand and even driving at 10 miles an hour from the beach to the nearby car park the kids are either strapped in or they walk up with whichever parent isn’t driving.

She has never said why but I assume she’s seen the results of a child not being properly restrained on more than one occasion.

there are devices you can put on to prevent the child getting out of the straps, but make sure it's properly safety tested as the cheap ones make it hard to get the child out in a hurry in the event of an accident

I think police / fire would just cut the seatbelt, not undo it. Agree that if no police involved, then best to have a belt which can be undone in a hurry if required

It’s not just that they can’t be undone quickly, some aren’t safety tested so in the event of a crash it could stop the car straps working effectively. If anyone is considering these, visit the Facebook group car seat advice U.K. who can advise on which of these devices are safe.

Bloody hell you are not overreacting. She has a blatant disregard for her own child’s safety. I am very strict on car seats, I did too much research on it when looking into an extended rear facing seat to be as gung no as your sister.

You don’t get to ‘make sure you don’t crash then’ as you know. I was in a crash on the motorway as a passenger and it really shook me up. I still get panicky now.

youre the one who is respinsible for a child in your car-you would be arrested for an accident or get the fine

tell her that and shes a irresp0onsible parent and person

You were not telling her how to parent her child. You, as a driver, were telling her how people must be secured in the car you are driving.

Your sister is a moron and no, you should not let her and her poor daughter in your car again.

Good reply OP, your DSis is being ridiculous.

I've had a reply!

Good to see the money mum and dad spent on drama lessons hasn't gone to waste. You're being such a drama queen over such a tiny thing.



How can she be so stupid to think I'm being dramatic over the safety of a child?!

Send her the link to here, not saying what it is, but ask her what are her thoughts on this situation.

I wouldn't grace that stupid response from her with a reply - she doesn't get it. She's very immature. When people start throwing insults like that it means they can't actually think of a response to your argument - could she actually make a case as to why restraining a child is not a good thing ? Of course not, so she's harping on about drama lessons instead.

God forbid her cavalier attitude to her poor child's life ever comes back to bite her.

To be honest, I think your sister is the one being a drama queen. Putting on a tantrum and lashing out at you because you wanted to obey the rules. Who does that? Who throws a tantrum over that? Good to know she thinks her own daughter is a 'tiny thing'. Maybe you should tell her that, that it is good to know she thinks her own daughter is nothing. She seems far too immature to even have a child, she is too self-absorbed and doesn't understand danger and consequences and she is FLIPPING OUT because you calmly decided to follow the law. She is the drama queen.

It's nothing to do with her how you carry passengers in your car, irrespective of relationships. If she doesn't accept your legal position, give her a bus time-table for Christmas,

Tiny thing!! Won't be so tiny if HER CHILD IS KILLED. What a stupid careless excuse of a mother. I'm the same. My car my rules. You belt up or you get the fuck out. No Drama.

She is tiny - that is the point idiot

The sister I mean!

I would stop responding - you can't argue with stupid

Your sister is being manipulative and cruel she knows you've suffered a very traumatic experience and she is deliberately making light of it to cause you more suffering
This is a bit like a meat eater taunting a vegan with a big piece of uncooked steak, she is really enjoying your suffering
massive amount of schadenfreude going on here with her

Christ, she’s pathetic. And fucking stupid. Unbelievable.

Has she displayed this kind of irresponsible dumbness before?

Ignore me if someone's already said this, but you might want to make sure your sister never - and I mean never - gets to drive your DS anywhere

It couldn't be clearer that an irresponsible idiot like this simply couldn't be trusted to keep him safe in a car

We have all wanted to take a sad child out of a car seat and cuddle them. The impulse is understandable. However one reason you should never ever do it is that the child will expect it to happen every time.