To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

It is against the law.
Anyone ever involved in an accident with a child in board or has attended an accident with a child in board will tell you, strapping safely is non negotiable.
End of.

Your sister is an idiotic, terrible person and a shit parent.

Assuming DN isn't killed in a car accident because of her mother's negligence, she's going to grow up to be a spoilt brat if she knows she'll get whatever she wants whenever she whines and carries on. Major parenting fails in many areas!

If I saw this happening again, I'd report it to the relevant authorities and never speak to my sister again.

I agree with all of the above.

Your sister is mad. I cannot understand how she doesn’t see the problem. I’m someone who does have to occasionally but routinely, take my child into a taxi without a car seat. It’s a risk but one we do have to take sometimes. If a car seat is available I would gladly put my child into it. It’s the safest option and I don’t understand why someone would risk their child by letting them out. Children sometimes just do not get a say, this is one of those times. Like blood tests for my daughter, as horrible as they are for her and no matter how much she protests or screams, it’s one of those things that has to be done to keep her safe. I see using car seats whenever possible, as the same thing. They may not like it but it’s necessary and non-negotiable.

She is barking mad.. well, shes defensive because she can't manage to parent her child properly to prevent child from escaping seat/having a meltdown... and is lashing out at you..

But in no way are you being unreasonable.

I bollocked OH's Dad the other day, as he admitted he had sat in the back of our car without his belt on because he 'didnt like to say' that he couldn't find the seat belt socket....

I went off a bit because he does a lot of this 'didn't like to say' shit and in the last 13 years I have made it quite clear I am not in any way offended or upset by him saying shit that is patently obvious needs to be said.....

I pointed out that as he was sat behind his son who was driving, if he had no belt on then in the case of a crash he might well kill his own son...

That shut him up a bit, and the next time he got in the car he asked for help finding the seat belt socket.

She's delusional if she thinks you're being dramatic. Her stupidity could cost her her daughter's life. I feel really sorry for your niece, her mother is a complete fuckwit. Even my dogs have seatbelt secured harnesses because it's not worth the risk.

Your sister is a dick. Please report her to the police for child neglect. Your poor niece has no choice but if she did, I’ll bet she’d want to live. You can make that happen.

Wow. Your sister is a shockingly irresponsible parent.

What does her DF say about it?

Please never drive her anywhere again unless she apologises. Don't engage. Calmly state your boundaries as you have done so far, and stick to them. Good on you.

What did your mum say?

Oh and I also agree that this type of non parenting is going to bite her on the bum in the future. Her dd is going to rule the roost and be hard to live with.

What she did is illegal and as the driver you are responsible so she deliberately put you in an impossible situation. The only crazy bitch here is your sister - show her this thread and tell her you are never letting her or her kid in your car again. How stressful for you!

Why are all these posters telling you to tell her you're not being judgemental of her parenting? I am fucking well judging her! She's a bloody disgrace.

Your sister is obviously a parent who finds it impossible to say no to their child.

If you are being dramatic, then so are the House of Commons and House of Lords who passed the law. All the lawyers and civil servants who wrote it. The comms teams, media departments, film makers and actors who made the public safety messages. The police who are enforcing this law. Basically thousands of people are being over the top about this and your sister is the only voice of reason in this storm of hysteria.

Maybe she blames the EU.

Your sister is either one of the stupidest people I’ve ever read about, or she is so defensive about her negligent, dangerous parenting that she is lashing out at you.

I would stop bothering to reply now, and certainly never give her or your niece a lift again. If you feel that reporting her to SS/ the police/ NSPCC is not a step that you are willing to take, could you speak to your health visitor- as your children are both pre-schoolers I assume you are both assigned to an HV? Your HV might be able to report concerns on to his/her counterpart , who can then involve the relevant services (though I presume data protection would prevent them telling you the outcome).

So I saw my mum yesterday and she had been updated by my sister. Apparently I screamed at my niece to shut up, pulled over when it wasn't safe and had cars beeping at me and shouted at my sister until she put niece in to car seat.

For a bit of context, I have worked with children for over ten years and I have never once screamed at a child or even said shut up to one. I am also a very calm person and laid back. I never argue in a shouty way because I just don't see where shouting gets anyone. In fact the angrier I am the quieter my voice goes! I once threw a friends girlfriend out of my flat for doing coke in the bathroom and DH and my friends said that they were terrified because of how quiet and angry I was! 

Of course my mum knew that she was exaggerating and that I wouldn't do any of those things but just humoured my sister until she'd found out the truth from me. But she didn't see the problem with the straps not being over her arms so I showed her a video of a crash dummy and she completely changed her mind. I don't think she knew how bad it could actually be. She then sent the link to my sister who replied with "Not you as well? I know how to keep my children safe and don't need you all interfering"

My uncle is a police officer and mum is going to see him today, he usually comes for tea on a Monday and my nieces are usually there because my mum has them before/after school. She's going to ask him to have a word with her so hopefully she'll see that we're doing it for my nieces and not just to interfere!

The fact your sister lied about the situation possibly shows she somewhat realises her actual reaction was unreasonable, otherwise she would have just told the truth about what happened.

I hope your uncle does speak to her.

Can your sister drive? It’s the only think I can think of to justify how dumb she is - non drivers sometimes don’t understand the full experience of being a driver and being aware of risks at all times. She probably thinks driving is easy and sees you as an automated taxi driver almost.

Her shit parenting is only reinforcing how much her child hates being in car seats - she’s pandering to her tantrums and as a result, her daughter will either fear being placed in one or just carry on screaming to get out as she knows that works!

You're doing a great job, OP. Hopefully your uncle will join ranks.

Your sister's stubbornness on this could lead to something tragic happening. What an idiot. Her pride clearly won't let her back down. She's so obnoxious to you as well.

You are definitely NBU!

Your driving licence at risk, your niece's safety etc.

Your sister needs to grow up and take some responsibility for her child's safety

Good I’m glad a police officer is going to talk to her. My dds friend is much shorter than all the others and every time I take her out dd laughs and says to her that she’s got away with not having the booster. Cue me getting it out of the boot! They’re 9&10 and know the drill.

Good question about her perhaps not driving. Mind you there are a lot of ignoramuses, who do drive. Another of dds friends was allowed to sit in the front unrestrained from 6/7. She’s tiny.

Will your uncle be obliged to report it so other cops can look out for her car? Don't want him in trouble if he knows and doesn't report.

(I know she can't be prosecuted without being caught btw, just that police might look out).