To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

If she’s so convinced that you’re overreacting, why doesn’t she give her local constabulary a ring and see what they advise?

The biggest impact on my thoughts about road safety hit me when my parents were in a serious accident.

They were driving in the inside lane of a dual carriageway at approx the speed limit. A tall vehicle didn't see them (the car is small) and pulled in too close clipping their car and causing it to flip.

Seatbelts saved their lives. The Accident was found to be 100% the other drivers fault. They couldn't do anything as they were literally hit and the car was instantly out of control. It was sent straight into a kerb which it hit within a second and the car then flipped over due to the speed involved (despite all parties obeying speed limits)

Accidents happen in seconds. Seatbelts save lives. Wearing them is non negotiable in my car. I don't give a shit if you call me all the names under the sun. I'm not endangering anyone who gets in my car.

It's the law and more importantly it's safety. Safety rules are non negotiable here. Would she let her kid run blindly across the road? It's the same level of danger and stupidity imo.

It's so important to train children to understand that their seatbelts need to be fastened. A couple of times when I've started the engine in order to clear the windscreens in readiness to set off, my DD1 (9) has said, 'Mummy, I'm not strapped in yet.' She does it herself now. She now knows that it's absolutely essential to be strapped in.

Send her She's an idiot.

I don't believe I've ever said this on here before but your DSis is a shit parent and horrible sister. I would be incredibly tempted to tell her that too because I would value my DNs life over a relationship with my DSis and to pretend that she isn't putting her own DD at grave risk every time she gets in the car is pure idiocy. Hopefully your message would hit home and anyone she moans to about it would also tell her what an idiot she is being. Just awful.

Leave her be

You’ve said your piece. You can’t argue with stupid.

Just refuse to drive her anywhere ever again now.

Your sister is an idiot, definitely send her this link.

It’s the law. Don’t drive with her and niece in your car again.

Your sister is an idiot and clearly doesn't care about her child.

For what it's worth, I've previously reported 3 vehicles I've seen on motorways where there is a child sat on an adults lap in the front and have seen one actually pulled over as we were in slow moving traffic. I did it as i was concerned for the child who has no choice and the safety of other drivers. Hopefully someone will report your sister.

Your sister is a complete twat.

Well done for standing your ground

As others have echoed your sister is a reckless idiot!

I refuse to drive if an adult doesn't have their seat belt on let alone a child.

Personally I would send her a child car crash video as distressing as they are with a simple response of glad you think this is being a drama queen.

YANBU. Not being strapped in makes her a danger to herself and others in the car.

My DC used to make a fuss and unstrap (aged 5+) so I waited for a quiet moment when we'd turned into our street and slammed on the brakes. Both flew out of their seats and banged a bit into the back of the front seats. We then discussed what would happen if we were travelling faster. Didn't happen again.

I've had a reply!

Good to see the money mum and dad spent on drama lessons hasn't gone to waste. You're being such a drama queen over such a tiny thing.

I'd respond along the lines of: "Thanks for that. I'm bowing out. I'll be contacting [police/nspcc/ss] first thing tomorrow about this so they can have a chat with you about this 'tiny thing'. Feel free to tell them they're being dramatic when they do.'

I can’t believe anyone could be so completely & utterly irresponsible! Is she generally like that? Completely crazy & she doesn’t deserve to have a child.

OP reply. Rather be dramatic than a shit parent.

Send a link for this thread.
You wouldn't need to say anything else to her.
What an idiot. Her, not you.

She’s an idiot. Give up

I'd just leave it now. She's getting more and more invested in defending her corner, and will find it harder and harder to back down from.

Whereas left to cogitate on her own, she may decide you have a point and quietly change what she's doing. Especially if she's daft enough to try getting sympathy from her friends or DP – who'll presumably also put her straight.

Why not say anything? A good roasting from her parents is wouldn't be a bad thing here. Is this something you feel you could get your parents involved in, OP?

Because the response will be "running to mum and dad now? You're all picking on meeeeee".

It sounds to me her heels are so firmly stuck in she won't listen to anyone and will just feel bullied. It will make family relations worse (not as important as DN's safety obviously but no point making things harder). Whereas the parents knowing means they can be on the look out in case it occurs when they're driving. Also she might listen better if she "spontaneously " gets told off when doing something rather than feeling people are taking sides.

After that latest response, I would report her to the NSPCC and the police.

Your sister is disgusting. Report her now. Seriously. Report her please

Pretty sure you could of been prosecuted had the child not been put back. Your sister needs to learn to parent her child.

What a silly bitch! What if her child died if someone did go into the back of you!

She wouldn't be so high and mighty then would she, silly silly silly woman!

The o my reason her child is getting upset is because she has let her get away with it. Jesus tell her to be a parent and get in the back with her and distract her with colouring or something. Idiot, your not in the wrong Op, you are completely in the right!

www.theaa.com/driving-advice/safety/child-safety/seatbelts

Aside from safety- can't believe your sister. Tell her you not getting fine