To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

You are 100% in the right. Not using a car seat is not a 'parenting choice' it's being a f*cking idiot!

YADNBU.

What a fucking idiot your sister is (sorry, but in this instance, it's true)!

Tell her the next time she takes your niece out of her seat and you crash, she can deal with seeing her flung through the windscreen, or having her limbs dislocated/broken/severed or her head being decapitated.

Because thats what happens in RTCs.

My mum even had to nurse a woman who was in severe shock as well as having multiple fractures and contusions. She had a huge RTC with her child in the back. The child had been decapitated from the sheer force of the crash. It fucking happens.

You were right to never, ever risk it. Don't ever feel bad for doing what you did.

I agree with all that's been said. What do your parents say about it, OP? Surely they also agree with you?

I normally think it's a bad idea but in this instance, send her a link to this thread.

I did not drive my nice anywhere for this exact reason. She would not stay in her car seat, and was a hazard. After the first time I don't think I took her anywhere until she was seven!!!! One of my DDs was also an escapologist so I used to do her coat/cardigan up over the car set seat belt so she couldn't escape.

SEND HER THIS THREAD

Only a moron would think it was acceptable to get a child out of a car seat while the car is in motion.

It's not the OP who's being a drama queen.

This makes my blood run cold. You are so in the right OP.
Don't grace her with a reply.
If one of my Dds behaved like this to the other I would tear her a new one.

YADNBU!!

Your sister is an irresponsible idiot, she's broken the law and she's putting child in danger.

Another vote for sending a link to this thread. Nothing dramatic about asking passengers to obey the road laws especially as the driver will be the one to get in trouble should you get pulled over and a child isn't seated correctly. Not to mention what might have happened in an accident.

what a nutter

i just read my local police stopped 77 in one day for no wearing a seatbelt

77! honestly i despair

Well done, OP, for standing your ground on the matter and making sure someone had her safety in mind as your sis certainly doesn't.

I would agree that you should definitely send her a link to this thread. I've never known there to be such a unanimous YANBU on an AIBU thread.

Really? Her child's safety is just a tiny little thing to her?

I would honestly send her a link to this thread. What a moron.

Your sister is an idiot.

My grandmother died in a car accident due to not wearing a seatbelt.

I am a good driver but over the past ten years I’ve been driven into three times. None were my fault but it does happen. Each time I had one of my children with me, if they hadn’t been strapped in I don’t know what would’ve happened and certainly the last time DD and I both suffered whiplash despite being safe.

YANBU.

You're absolutely not BU. Try not to waste another minute being concerned about it.

Her response about you being a drama queen was a disgrace when she had the chance to let it go. Instead her ignorance is continuing.

I'm a VERY laid back parent but seatbelts and car seats are non negotiable.

You do realise if you was pulled over without her in a car seat you would get a fine and maybe points NOT your sister ??

If your parents ever drive her you might want to warn them. Ask them not to say anything, just to be aware.

My car doesn't move unless everyone is properly strapped in.

The child has to be strapped in, it's the law. Also your car, your rules, especially if you're the driver.

Your Sis is unbelievably negligent to her DD & an ignorant judgemental bitch towards you to boot. You were sticking to the rule of law when driving & keeping her DD safe, what part of that does the silly cow not get😐

I'd not only be never driving them anywhere again, for your DNs sake, I'd also seriously consider speaking with relevant child protection bodies as your Dsis clearly needs a harsh lesson in child safety

I once sat at the side of the road for about 20 minutes when my junior school aged DD refused to put her seat belt on. Her father never wore his so she didn't feel she should have to.

She gave up in the end as she could see it was a fight she wasn't going to win.

I was a fairly laid back sort of mother when my DCs were young but that was one thing I wasn't prepared to compromise on.

Your sister is being stupid, both in her attitude to you and to her child's refusal to sit in the seat.

Even my dog knows when she gets into the back seat of the car she's going to be strapped in.

There are some things that a child has to learn that they just don't question. Being strapped into a car is one of them.

Your sister is a fucking idiot.

Would she think you were a drama queen for refusing to drive with faulty brakes and bald tyres? Or driving while pissed?

Thought not.

Not only is it dangerous for the child, it's dangerous for other passengers in the event of a crash. A two-year old flying through the air at speed could break your neck!

If your parents ever drive her you might want to warn them. Ask them not to say anything, just to be aware.

Why not say anything? A good roasting from her parents is wouldn't be a bad thing here. Is this something you feel you could get your parents involved in, OP?

I'd also seriously consider speaking with relevant child protection bodies as your Dsis clearly needs a harsh lesson in child safety

This. Would you consider contacting the NSPCC or the police?