AIBU to need the strength of strangers?
(yes, I know I am: but I need help to stay strong!)
Long time lurker etc etc. Picked a stupid user name (I sound like a lush!).
I live overseas (to be with my husband: we’d only dated long distance prior). No-one I can talk to here.
In a nutshell: married 8 years: no intimacy for 7: spare room for 3 (mostly my choice: but some practicality issues involved).
Faults on both sides: but honestly: nothing left to work on, never see each other (work patterns mean that I actually mean this literally), holiday apart, he initiates conversation via random passive-aggressive post-it notes / text messages.
I’ve given up: he’s given up. To be honest: I could have said this 6 years ago (and did but I didn’t follow through).
But. I’m his only relationship (as in he’s 56 and I am the only relationship he’s ever had). And he seems determined to normalize this craziness and often states to others how happy we are.
After many false starts at this, and finally emboldened by a tequila shot, I came home from work and I managed to re-start the ‘this just isn’t working; we should split up’ conversation.
His response? I’m too drunk to have this conversation now (he was: alcohol is a huge issue): lets talk tomorrow.
I psych self up to follow through (for once). He now hasn’t come home for 2 days (texts that he’s busy at work and is staying near to work).
This has happened before. Avoiding me for days has resulted in me giving up. But I need people to tell me to follow through. I started this conversation and I actually need to finish it this time.
Help me. I’ve lost my soul, my self, any sense of happiness, and any sense of normal. And I also feel hugely guilty.
Before I emigrated I was never this weak, weird person. I don’t recognize myself.
Please – just give me strength to finish what I started!
And yes: I am being bloody U to ask for strangers to help me find my big girl pants. I can't actually believe I'm posting this.