to be really surprised that the school assumed these things?

[JessieMcJessie]

I emailed a local school to ask about visiting because we are thinking of sending our son there. My email didn’t state my title and referred to “we” and “our son” but didn’t say explicitly that his other parent was male, or that we were married.

The email came back “Dear Mrs McJessie” and asked me to give my husband’s full name if he was joining me on the visit.

AIBU to be very surprised that they just assumed that I (a) went by “Mrs” (b) was married and (c) was heterosexual? In actual fact they were correct on all three counts, but that’s not the point- I thought that people were a bit more careful to assume nothing in this day and age.

@JessieMcJessie is this really something to be offended by ? Honestly don't you have anything better to worry about. The world has gone mad with all this bullshit

So would you say ‘get a grip’ to a unmarried, gay woman who had been responded to in that way? Cos just cos they got it right this time doesn’t mean it’s a good way of doing things.

You are totally right OP. School admin staff are stuck in the past and often assume every respectable parent is a)married and b) has the same surname as their child. This is the default assumption (and administratively simple) but most of them are very 'understanding' if this isn't you.
because if they went by first name, assumed you weren't married/ thought you might be gay/ that your dd/ds was not your biological offspring some people would be offended by that too.

Don't tell me they used gendered pronouns for your child as well?

Justabrokendoll my job is client-facing too. We address all clients as “Dear Firstname” and have been doing so since I began training in 1998!

How many more people are going to accuse me of being “offended”? Should I also cancel the cheque?

I know you referred to ‘we’, in your OP. ‘We’ could mean you were bringing a friend with you or another of your family members but not necessarily the ‘father’ or other parent/carer.

You, like the support staff member, have also made an assumption that could offend others.

People in glass houses and all that.

Considering it takes a woman and man to actually make a baby i don’t think they’re at all wrong to assume you are in fact a woman and a man with a child visiting the school .

Yeah yabu. Some people have real issues in life. This is pathetic.

I think it's a shame the 90% have been disregarded.

Yes I do write Mrs OhThe Roses, at work there are letters after my name. socially I'm Mrs DH Roses Shoot me

What she said ^

...talking of worlds..which part of world are all DCs mummys and daddys married! Not a single mummy in sight...how very proper

I put Ms if it’s left open and a title is required because I think about these things but a lot of people don’t, as evidenced by this thread

I do as well but have had a couple of "it's Mrs actually" responses.

So would you say ‘get a grip’ to a unmarried, gay woman who had been responded to in that way?

No. I'd say 'contact the school and clarify how you would like to be addressed. We are, however, responding to someone who (and their marital status) was correctly addressed. Different scenarios, different responses.

OP I'd not appreciate the familiarity of your company's way of addressing me. Horses for courses.

its Really not that hard to take the assumptions out of correspondence like this either which makes it even more annoying - Dear Jessie McJessie/ Ms McJessie, thank you for your interest, please let us know if anyone else will be attending and reply with their full name. Blah blah blah.

Damn it I mean Uggywuggy

“considering it takes a woman and man to actually make a baby i don’t think they’re at all wrong to assume you are in fact a woman and a man with a child visiting the school”

Good one

Rolyrocks I described DS as “our son” as in “We are thinking of applying to send our son to X school”. So not much chance of incorrectly assuming I was a single parent there.

Roly appears to be just making up anything she can think of, just to have a go.

Oh wow Agnesbrownscat what is the weather like in the 1950s?

Shriekingbanshee thanks so much for getting my point and supporting me on this thread .

Dealing with parents of whatever sort is a huge part of their job, its really not hard at all. I'd like a job that easy where I thought that too hard a thing to do.

Shopkins I am glad you have never battered an eyelid, that sounds very painful.

Haha doesn’t sound quite right. But you know what I mean 🙄

What? You really think most people would have signed off with “Kind regards, Mrs Jessie McJessie” or, even worse “Kind regards, Jessie McJessie (Mrs)”?! Come ON. Why would that be remotely necessary in order to arrange a visit to a school?

In my opinion, it would be no bad thing if people would give their title in correspondence - would make things much easier for the people who have to reply to them. I certainly put the title I like on my correspondence, and if I was contacting a school to arrange for a visit, I would take the time to explain who wanted to come with me and what their connection was rather than leaving the recipient to make a guess.

And if any customer-serving company addressed me by my first name, their correspondence would be destined for the bin (or digital equivalent) unless I had absolutely no option but to deal with them. Same applies to anyone who starts a letter or email to me with "Dear Mrs Blueberry Porridge" rather than "Dear Mrs Porridge"...

S'ok. I find it interesting at their shock, indignation, and rudeness of something they profess is unimportant.

I took out half a dozen kids of different sexual agendas (did u see what I did there) the other day, and I wouldn't dream of speaking to them in a way they'd feel offended or upset by, that I wasn't taking account of them or somehow ignoring and ignorant. It is ignorant

Dear [firstname] is just fine and is absolutely standard in the workplace now

Have you noticed that school is actually the staffs workplace and they all refer to each other as Ms Mrs Miss or Sir?? So it's normal to make that connection?

Justabrokendoll it’s not familiarity, honestly. We would actually be laughed at if we wrote to our clients as “Mr Smith” Mrs Brown” etc. I have literally no idea what most of the women’s titles are. But this is business-to-business communication (corporate law), perhaps it’s different if your client is a little old lady in the street. But, for example, I would think it very odd for my doctor, bank manager, plumber etc to call me “Mrs McJessie”.