Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really surprised that the school assumed these things?

406 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/10/2018 22:05

I emailed a local school to ask about visiting because we are thinking of sending our son there. My email didn’t state my title and referred to “we” and “our son” but didn’t say explicitly that his other parent was male, or that we were married.

The email came back “Dear Mrs McJessie” and asked me to give my husband’s full name if he was joining me on the visit.

AIBU to be very surprised that they just assumed that I (a) went by “Mrs” (b) was married and (c) was heterosexual? In actual fact they were correct on all three counts, but that’s not the point- I thought that people were a bit more careful to assume nothing in this day and age.

OP posts:
Shopkinsdoll · 25/10/2018 22:27

Dear oh dear! Why would this annoy you? The teachers at my son/daughters school call me Mrs shopkins, I’m not married to the kids dad. Iv never battered an eyelid

Tiredtomybones · 25/10/2018 22:28

Yabu

TheSageofOnions · 25/10/2018 22:28

Yes, YABU.

crispysausagerolls · 25/10/2018 22:28

Jesus fucking Christ 😂

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 25/10/2018 22:28

I don’t there is a need for a “default” title Justabrokendoll. Dear [firstname] is just fine and is absolutely standard in the workplace now.

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 25/10/2018 22:29

It’s a pretty safe assumption to make though. Every child but one in my sons class has a married mummy and Daddy barring one who has a married step mummy and daddy. Not sure about their titles (asides from family which is chief and chief mrs). Most though have a shared last name. Haven’t come across any where one parent has a different surname yet. Does it really matter that much if they make an assumption and get it wrong?

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 25/10/2018 22:29

Shopkins I am glad you have never battered an eyelid, that sounds very painful.

OP posts:
RolyRocks · 25/10/2018 22:30

Please let us know the name of any other parent or carer who will accompany you.”

And then someone else may well be offended by that because they were a single parent/carer and “oh my goodness, AIBU that ‘school’ assumed my DC had two parents/carers Shock)

See how easy it is to ‘surprise’ someone, OP?

Shriekingbanshee · 25/10/2018 22:31

It's time to change, there's a growing number who will be offended at those assumptions. Would have thought school was a particularly important place to be acknowledging these changes, bearing in mind your DC will be growing up there.

I don't understand why pp are swearing at you for asking this, if they think you have no life what does that make them coming to answer in such an aggressive way. Like you have said this just to piss them off.

bitheby · 25/10/2018 22:32

I think it's weird to assume. I'm one of the people who could be in a same sexual relationship and I wouldn't be offended as such but heteronormativity is annoying.

I'm pleased the OP is questioning things that affect other people.

Shriekingbanshee · 25/10/2018 22:32

battered an eyelid lmfao!!!

MonteCarla · 25/10/2018 22:33

Oh come on 🙄

JustABrokenDoll · 25/10/2018 22:33

Dear [firstname] is just fine and is absolutely standard in the workplace now.

Not where I work it isn't. I'd never address communication to a someone using their first name. They are a client, not my mate.

Ohyesiam · 25/10/2018 22:35

If your best friend is a gay parent, your son isn’t going to grow up thinking everyone is straight.
Give your son a varied life if you want him not to be narrow.
Schools are phenomenally overworked , don’t ask poorly paid admin staff to think their way into and out of every possible politically correct scenario every time they reply to an emai.
Of course what you describe is ideal, but the school is there to educate your child to Gove’s curriculum, which is highly demanding, so the rest has to be provided by the parents.

JustABrokenDoll · 25/10/2018 22:35

Too many typos in my last reply Sad

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 25/10/2018 22:35

Racecardriver why is there any need to make an assumption at all though?

OP posts:
PMSwithacockinmydress · 25/10/2018 22:36

I emailed a head teacher this week to enquire about the possibility of my child attending.
I wrote to Mr [surname], from [myfirstname][mysurname]

He replied with To [myfirstname], from [hisfirstname]

I found it really refreshing and had nothing to bloody complain about!

Fortybingowings · 25/10/2018 22:36

FFS. You seem to enjoy being cross (sorry surprised) about this.
Find something important to worry about.

Shriekingbanshee · 25/10/2018 22:36

What proportion of 'parents' are guardians, but they are acknowledged.

It's the decent friendly and welcoming thing to do, I don't understand why that should be reacted to in a ffs type way.

Do we all want to be hating on each other or acknowledge and welcome differences and try to get along FFS

ohdeardeardear · 25/10/2018 22:37

Shut the front door. They did what?!

Seriously, I think you may be overreacting a teeny-tiny bit.

PinguDance · 25/10/2018 22:37

Well I think YANBU. No reason to assume kids have married parents - a lot of them don’t.
I put Ms if it’s left open and a title is required because I think about these things but a lot of people don’t, as evidenced by this thread.

Amanduh · 25/10/2018 22:38

Get a massive grip.

Nightwatch999 · 25/10/2018 22:38

Get a grip OP 

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 25/10/2018 22:39

Rolyrocks as I said in my OP, my email referred to “we” and “our son”. Obviously I would not have expected the reply to reference another parent/carer if I had only said “I” and “my son” and I would have been equally surprised by that if it had happened.

OP posts:
Shriekingbanshee · 25/10/2018 22:39

How is that actually worth posting about PMS if you think OPs isn't?