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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:
Nottheduchessoftransiyvaniaaaa · 25/10/2018 22:08

Eating loads of healthy fats also isn’t good for you, just as ditching carbs isn’t good for you. A balanced diet is good for you. I do wish people would stop falling for all the fads!

BitOutOfPractice · 25/10/2018 22:09

So @Mandarine can you please explain to me how you force someone to eat if they don't want want to. And as a follow up, please explain how forcing someone to eat when they don't want to fosters a healthy relationship with food?

You go realise that not everyone is the same as you don't you? Not all children are the same as your children? God you sound insufferable

Original poster
takeastand · 25/10/2018 22:09

Please don’t accuse me of trying to sound smug either. Smug or self righteous doesn’t even come into it

Ok I won't 

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 25/10/2018 22:11

I used to give all my kids breakfast before school, and each one of them completely refused to eat anything by the age of 8. I'm the same, I can't eat anything until about 10am. Personally I think we should take notice of hunger cues rather than 'training' our bodies to eat at set times.
I would just send her in with a snack or money to buy something at break if she doesn't want anything before school.

Caprisunorange · 25/10/2018 22:12

“Skipping breakfast encourages your body's metabolism to enter starvation mode and start metabolising proteins (muscle)”

That’s not starvation mode. That’s when you’re body runs out of (glucose) energy from your liver and moves onto your fat reserves/ muscles to obtain it

I know this because I have run a few marathons and researched them. This can happen after approx 20/21 miles of running Grin

So not from skipping breakfast....

And it’s not dangerous. It’s actually how you lose weight Grin

Mandarine · 25/10/2018 22:15

BitOut - I’m sure you can find something they’ll eat. How hard can it be? Even get those breakfast biscuits or make them a smoothie. It’s not about force-feeding obviously, but it shouldn’t need to be that dramatic.
What about when they have GCSEs or other assessments? Do you just let them go off with nothing inside them or do you try and influence them about the obvious benefits of eating to get energy for focus.
Obviously if you’ve never bothered for years, they won’t either.
I’m not saying it’s easy, but you do need to at least try.

recklessruby · 25/10/2018 22:15

I m with you on this. I can't eat before 11am. I just feel sick if I do. Always been like it as a teen and beyond.
Maybe she could take some fruit for morning break? I can manage an apple or banana by then.
School are being a bit over involved tbh. She's 13 not 4.
I m not overweight and I eat later in the day.

Shitlandpony · 25/10/2018 22:17

Nottheduchessoftransiyvaniaaaa talk about missing the point 😂

Missingstreetlife · 25/10/2018 22:17

Yes all this advice about losing weight is fine, but not for children.
Give her a snack to eat in the morning

caringcarer · 25/10/2018 22:18

Send dd in with banana then if she feels hungry or light headed she could eat it at break. Would she have a milkshake before school? Maybe she is trying to diet and would appreciate a bit of help. Starving herself will not help her researching nutrition would.

VerbeenaBeeks · 25/10/2018 22:21

@WalkingDeadFanGirl that works when they're littlies and primary school age, but the OP said 13. That's teens and off making their own way to school, taller than you and know their own mind.
Good luck trying to force breakfast into them if they don't want it at that age.
You'll get accused of nagging and insisting that they're not hungry and going out to school with no breakfast inside them.
I've taken to putting a cereal bar in the rucksack for mid morning, that way he can have it if he wants it. Even if it gets left it will keep, unlike bananas or other fruit that I put in that when comes back gets left and forgotten in the bag and results in fruit flies. Shock grrrrr Grin

EvaHarknessRose · 25/10/2018 22:22

A parent should encourage eating before setting out for the day not just ‘not stop her’. She’s 13 not 17. Learning self care is a process. Teens need prompts or more.

MajesticWhine · 25/10/2018 22:22

Teenagers fix their own breakfast or choose to skip it. (Except @Mandarine's teenagers perhaps?) In fact even my 8yr old sorts out her own breakfast. It's hardly a failure of parenting if a teenager doesn't eat breakfast. As long as food is available it can hardly be neglect. OP if I were you I would discuss with your DD what food she might be able to eat first thing and try to encourage this. But I would let it lie with the school.

Nottheduchessoftransiyvaniaaaa · 25/10/2018 22:26

shitlandpony it’s what I do best Grin

user789653241 · 25/10/2018 22:27

Caprisun, but do you really think it's healthy for a 13 years old to skip her breakfast so she can lose weight?

I do wonder if all those research stating skipping breakfast isn't a bad thing mentioned by pp is actually done on growing children, especially early teens.

eddiemairswife · 25/10/2018 22:28

I'm quite old and have never been a breakfast person, unless I am away and someone else cooks it once I am up and dressed.. I used to take cold toast to school to eat at morning break.
I used to cook breakfast for my 2 boys before school, but my daughters weren't bothered.

RoboJesus · 25/10/2018 22:28

I never eat breakfast, never ate it in school. Never caused a problem for me. But I always have a smoothie these days, mostly because my kids do so I take the leftovers with me.

Caprisunorange · 25/10/2018 22:32

I didn’t say the OPs daughter should lose weight @irvineoneohone, I’ve just stated missing meals doesn’t make your body undertake the process described (and incorrectly labelled as “starvation mode” but simply that this is caused by very high levels of exercise and it’s how you lose weight through exercise. Burning fat rather than liver glucose. The poster above was incorrect in their assessment

user789653241 · 25/10/2018 22:33

I don't think it needs to be proper breakfast. A smoothie, as Robo says, is good enough, I think. Point is, get something in your body for your brain and body to function properly.

user789653241 · 25/10/2018 22:37

Caprisunorange, I didn't think you said OP's dd should lose weight, I thought you agreed with op who said dd was overweight so missing breakfast was good thing. I'm sorry if I misunderstood.

BitOutOfPractice · 25/10/2018 22:39

Of course Mandarine I try. I encourage. I've bought every kind of breakfast food imaginable. From the sublimely healthy to the frankly crappy. And everything in between. They just don't want to eat at all before 10am. They're not hungry and they can't face it.

And for what it's worth, despite me being a terrible mother  I have one daughter at uni after getting straight As at A level and another one about to sit GCSEs predicted all top grades. Neither are overweight. Both eat a great variety of healthy food. Neither is a picky eater. Neither has eaten breakfast for years, despite my cajoling, encouragement, nagging, tearing hair out and lectures on nutrition.

I wonder what other helpful suggestions you have for me to try to force them to eat breakfast. Or perhaps you're too busy judging and condemning my terrible parenting.

madmomma · 25/10/2018 22:43

Yabu. You need to get her eating something before school. It'll help shift her weight by stimulating her blood sugar. I think it's neglectful to send a child to school on an empty stomach.

SquirreledIn · 25/10/2018 22:45

Nothing could have persuaded me to eat breakfast as a teenager. It made me feel very nauseated, even a smoothie, so why would I want to eat it? I still don't eat breakfast and I've never fainted in my life or had to go to the school nurse. Some of us manage perfectly well without it, and indeed feel better if we don't have it.

howthehelldoIcopewiththisone · 25/10/2018 22:52

Really Mandarine!! No you don't sound smug at all - your 3 children all eat porridge. Do you live in a house in the woods as well? In case you hadn't noticed we have been discussing on here what you do when your teenager refuses to eat breakfast? Do you get a funnel and force it down their necks - I guess that wouldn't be abuse..........would it?!
Really I think that is below the belt to accuse someone of not caring for their child because they didn't eat breakfast.

user789653241 · 25/10/2018 22:54

SquirreledIn, how about your children?
I was opposite. I lived away from my parents as a teenager and chose not to eat breakfast because I couldn't be bothered(cannot get up), and fainted at school. Even as an adult, I felt low sugar and feeling faint when I went to work without eating breakfast. And I was in early 20s.
I don't expect all the 13 year old to realise what's right and wrong for them just yet.