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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:
Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 16:10

Don’t like what you have heard, hop away my darling.

Remember I don’t make these rules. Our government does. Don’t like it, take it up with them.

I’m going to stick with the nhs staff and teachers on this thread.

Enjoy your weekend 😊

ferrier · 27/10/2018 16:10

I'm with you frogsoup. Totally.

Not eating breakfast, on its own, is not a safeguarding issue.
Getting your own breakfast at the age of 4 is not a safeguarding issue.
Feeling faint at school is not a safeguarding issue and is more likely to be caused by time of month than not eating breakfast if the person concerned doesn't usually eat breakfast.
Skipping breakfast doesn't make one starving by lunchtime. In fact a number of posters including myself have observed that skipping breakfast makes us less hungry.
I'd rather my child eats nothing at all than a bowl of Cheerios. Unfortunately one of my dc does like to have cereal for breakfast and preferably sugary cereal. I don't stop him as I know he likes his breakfast. I know what the healthier option is though.

frogsoup · 27/10/2018 16:13

No I'm calling you childish (and petty) because you keep repeatedly @ing me on your posts even after I asked you not to, and using stupid lol emojis as you do so. Unless you are 12, that's really deeply bizarre. I really hope you don't really work in child protection.

Over and out

ferrier · 27/10/2018 16:13

@Lostinlondon999

Don’t like what you have heard, hop away my darling.

So patronising too. I'm glad you're not anywhere near my children.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 16:17

But yet the professionals are telling you that it is a cause for concern 🤔.

Whether you like it or not, these admissions are logged. It may be that there is NFA required, but they are all still logged.

These very minor admissions build a much bigger picture in a very small number of cases.

How is your opinion above safeguarding protocols, safeguarding training, social services, family support services and government legislation?

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 16:17

@ferrier of course no one has been patronising towards me?

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 16:19

Frogsoup hop away! Like I said you don’t like what you’ve heard. Offended by the fact that a 4yo making their own breakfast is not a safeguarding concern. Whether you like it or not, it is.

I’ll take my 15+ years against your desk job.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 16:20

These minor admissions save lives. Save children’s lives. But your opinion and your feelings are more worthy than a child’s voice?

BigRoundPumpkin · 27/10/2018 16:37

Just thought I'd chip in after not having was much of the thread at all! So apologies for my ignorance! But...

When I was 13 I was skipping breakfast! I felt faint a lot (fainted once). I was also developing bulimia. I was a little over weight. Wow - I so wish the school had noticed!! A couple of kids raised concerns about me not eating lunch with the teachers. I fobbed them off. I don't think if the teachers had been concerned enough to call my mum that anything would've changed, but at least I'd have known someone cared.

For me, the skipping breakfast was nothing much on the face of it, and my mum would've reacted exactly as the OP has done (especially as she has eating issues and thought I was a bit podgy and probably wasn't bothered I was skipping breakfast) and school wouldn't have taken anything further. But underneath it all was a young teen struggling with some difficult circumstances, parental conflict, and other issues I won't go into here. I'd love to have known that 1 teacher actually cared enough to call in my mum, even though it would've come to nothing.

Halloween Smile
BigRoundPumpkin · 27/10/2018 16:42

Sorry typo - 'after not having read much of the thread...'

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 16:44

👆🏻👏🏻

Same for me although it was an obsession with food. Constantly binge eating and starving myself. I would have a treat day on Friday, at school, which consisted of 3 main meals in one sitting. I lost a lot of weight in my late teens due to bulimia. I still thought I was fat. I’m now overweight again and in a constant battle with my weight. It affects my life on a daily basis. This is why I shared my opinion, along with watching children fall into the same pattern as I did. I did not state it as a fact. There were other issues I stated as a fact.

Coyoacan · 27/10/2018 16:58

I agree with Lostinlondon. The school has shown concern for the child's wellbeing and the mother is indignant, not a good fit.

I only started eating breakfast when I had a teaching job and found that my brain stopped working by 11 am. Intellectual work needs food.

yve62 · 27/10/2018 17:21

I suspect you were 'called' in because your daughter was unwell, not to discuss why she hadn't had breakfast. Personally I struggle to understand why parents get so worked up when schools make suggestions as it won't be coming from a malicious place and is only for your daughter's welfare.

TheDowagerCuntess · 27/10/2018 17:27

The OP is long gone from this thread, so all the 'care' and 'concern' from the experienced safe-guarder hasn't been terribly effective.

The bedside manner of some could be vastly improved - the judgment, finger-wagging and cringing /climbing into jokes for people is hardly helpful.

TheDowagerCuntess · 27/10/2018 17:28

Climbing into *holes (I think it was)

TheLittleDogLaughed · 27/10/2018 17:32

LostinLondon so your saying that the OP has an eating issue and is projecting it onto HER child is actually more about you having had an eating issue and projecting it onto a child you've NEVER KNOWN?

This is all very creepy.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/10/2018 17:32

Eating/sleeping/bedtimes are all related. This might be an opportunity into looking at how you can help support her to improve all of these things for her to help her find a healthier way to do things.
If she doesn't get up in enough time to have breakfast and just dashes out the door - she might well be very dehydrated.
We had some breakfast grabs (drinks/water or fruit/toast that they could eat on the way if they'd overslept or no time in the morning. Especially in the winter.
Although a lot of people have said that 13 is old enough to fend for herself, I think that 13 year olds still need support to change their habits - and what is so wrong with that?

Moononthehill28 · 27/10/2018 17:36

It stands to reason if she comes into school with an empty stomach and has lessons all morning when she hasn’t eaten since probably six the previous evening it is t good news. I would have been really worried if my kids went into school without having eaten whatever age they were.
A boiled egg and toast is t a heavy meal but she needs something, and she is not going to eat so much for lunch eaither and probably make better choices.
The school are trying to do their job.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 17:36

If a parent made a joke about drugs, then yes I would cringe.

Can you honestly say you would start a convo with your child’s teacher saying ‘at least she doesn’t smoke a joint’

Yes, I just cringed again!

I would have a very different stance and a lot more sympathy for OP if she had a different attitude towards her daughter.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 17:36

Little dog I said it was my opinion!

Thought you’d hopped off? Maybe you should hop off again, or did you read something that hit a chord?

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 17:38

My opinion can be ignored but the facts cannot!

TheDowagerCuntess · 27/10/2018 17:45

Lost, if you're genuinely concerned about a child, surely finding a way to effectively support the parent (the only person who can actually make a difference) is kind of key.

Do you think you've been helpful to the OP on this thread?

Lots of (alleged) professionals come onto MN threads - most of them have a helpful, empathetic manner where they try to work with people to get to the root of a problem, build rapport, etc, etc.

It seems to be much more effective an approach than telling off, finger wagging and cringing.

BrendasUmbrella · 27/10/2018 17:50

I was slightly overweight at school. I also always missed breakfast. I do think there was a correlation, because past 12pm I'd devour whatever food I could get my hands on whenever I could get my hands on it, and my appetite did not die down for the rest of the day.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 17:53

Dowager if you’ve read my PP you will see that i clearly stated that I am first and foremost there to support the parent. I don’t go in guns blazing. Most parents just need support and are quite appreciative of the support. OP was given support but instead of being supportive she has come on MN to bash that support.

I deal with some extremely difficult parents. Parents who I give up my personal time for, parents who are comfortable to speak to me as they can tell I care about their child.

If the parent isn’t actively supporting the school then it can be frustrating and difficult to support their child.

Mandarine · 27/10/2018 17:54

I used to work in CP and yes, most definitely, a 4 year old ring expected to organise their own breakfast with no prompting or supervision is a safeguarding issue! My god, I can’t believe some of the attitudes on this thread.

I used to work with children who, when arriving at a children’s home, routinely got up in the night to root through bins to look for scraps of food. It didn’t occur to them to look in the cupboards, or to eat at any particular times of day.

Yes this is an extreme example and I’m not suggesting the OP’s DD is deprived on this scale at all, but seriously people, wake up!

There are thousands of people like the OP and they are a low-level nuisance to schools.

Imagine if everybody didn’t give a toss whether their DC had eaten and we all sent our DC into school with no breakfast. A whole school functioning in empty stomachs. More behaviour problems? Harder work for teachers and medical staff? Lower performance as a whole? You decide.