Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

@frogsoup and that is why kids get the shit kicked out of them because they are sidestepped. Their small remarks and admissions are totally ignored and disregarded. An admission like not eating breakfast can easily be disregarded but is so vital to report.

@swingofthings of course there are more factors at play. An admission of not eating breakfast tends to be the starting point.
Whether OP realises it or not there is now a safeguarding file on her DD. There may be NFA required but it is still on record, including OP’s comments.

@mandarin explained in her previous post it’s OP’s attitude which is hugely concerning.

@swingofthings the school speaking to OP is raising a safeguarding concern.

What shocks me is that you are debating against legislation put in place to protect children.
I didn’t make this rule up. It is what we are trained to do. If I don’t raise these concerns then I am breaking the law!

Right. But from your 11 (11!!!) alarm bells (most of which are nothing of the sort) you seem to be suggesting that there is a genuine safeguarding issue here. There isn't. Some people just don't see breakfast as as important as you, there is science on either side of the question. As for the OP's role - even my 4yo gets her own breakfast. By 13 I don't expect to have much to do with the issue and it'll be her call what she does. If she feels faint mid-morning, then I might prompt her to wonder whether she ought to be eating breakfast, but I certainly wouldn't insist. This is called differing attitudes to parenting, and if you can't see the difference between that and a genuine safeguarding concern, you should not be working in child protection.

If I have any concerns, however minor they may seem, i report them to the safeguarding lead.
First and foremost I am there to support the parent. They may not be able to afford breakfast, which is actually the most common issue. We can offer support by subsidising the breakfast club.

Do you think staff go in all guns blazing because a child has skipped breakfast?
I’m there to help, not to work against the parents.

I mean, honestly. "Alarm bell 4- ‘For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry’"

Just to take one example out of 11, what on god's earth can be conceived as an alarm bell in that?!

@frogsoup I had 5 alarm bells, not sure where you’re getting 11 from?

@frogsoup I work in a very deprived area and if a 4yo approached me and told me she made her own breakfast that would be quite a serious concern. I’m hoping I don’t have to explain why.

OP did feel faint, she is not suggesting that her child should eat breakfast, instead she is complaining about the incompetence of her child’s school.

@frogsoup like I said before and others in the same profession have said that OP’s reaction is discomforting to read and raises concerns.

Ok fine, sorry, not sure where I got the 11 from. But even the 5 were mostly spurious.

Wait, you're telling me that it'd be a safeguarding concern if my 4yo told you that she gets her own bowl and spoon from the drawer, milk from the fridge and muesli from the cereal cupboard?!

If she said I'd gone off to work three hours earlier, that's a different question, clearly.

@frogsoup like I said I work in a very deprived area. Knowing a child’s background is key. It is dependent on what child has told me. It is clear you are teaching your child independence. Unfortunately for me a child who would Make an admission like that is usually the child who is unkempt, along with many other factors.

Someone asked me a few pages ago what to do to get a child to eat breakfast, so I'll give the example of my son, who'd rather not eat before school: I sat him down in the hols and said you have to eat before school, but if you help me make a list, you can choose 5 reasonable options and I'll make sure they're always available. So he wouldn't eat the eggs on toast that I'd like him to have, but he'll at least have a bowl of cheerios or a Nutella butty on wholemeal bread. It's far from ideal, but it starts him off with some food in is stomach. I'm far stricter about eating a proper meal with plenty of veg in the evening.

So why mention it to me at all, since you've probably guessed that my child is neither deprived nor unkempt.

I'm still totally befuddled as to why alarm bells would ring from a parent saying they didn't want to force their child to eat extra calories at the one point in the day when they didn't want them. Sounds like total common sense to me.

And so on the other side of the fence you have someone who prefers their child to eat a bowl of sugar in the morning than nothing at all...you're still telling me the health arguments are clear-cut here?!!

My honest opinion is that I think OP has hang ups regarding her own weight (I’m not saying she’s overweight) and is subconsciously inflicting them on her daughter. I also think that her DD is starving herself to lose weight but binging, leading to a very unhealthy lifestyle. But that is my opinion. It is something I have witnessed many a time over the years. The OP’s reaction is the same/similar to what I have experienced in the past.
Unfortunately if that continues it will begin to affect her self esteem, leading to mental health issues in the future.
It is a safeguarding concern, very minor, but enough to raise their concerns with OP. Remember her teachers will see her more than her mother during the week. Teachers talk. The picture builds up. She wasn’t brought in for no reason.

@frogsoup not at all. So many parents are uneducated on healthy eating, just like OP.

If your child (4yo) said to a member of staff that they have to prepare their own breakfast then I can assure you it has been mentioned to a safeguarding lead. Whether you like it or not, staff are obliged to do this.

@frogsoup alarm bells rang as it shows her ignorance. The fact OP isn’t prepared to see the teachers POV. She’s annoyed that the staff are looking out for her daughter.

Luckily, I have every confidence that my kids school has a modicum of sanity about such issues.

Aside from that, the absurdly far-reaching conclusions you are drawing from the OP's scant contributions to this thread are entirely unwarranted and I can only hope this is not your approach in your professional capacity, because it's quite terrifying.

There's also no need to @ me in every post.

@frogsoup 😂😂😂 you ignorance is astounding!!!!!

Tbh I was quite surprised at the extent of safeguarding protocols. But you know what, it saves lives, it saves children so I’m ok with that.

It’s hilarous that you think this is only exclusive to where I work. You’re arguing with me, sorry but this isn’t me this is the LAW!!! Legislation works across the board. Whether you like it or not, this is the way it is!!!

Please go and complete your level 3 in safeguarding then come back to me.

Thank god people like you don’t work in education.

@frogsoup 😉

Like I said before frogsoup it’s what I’m trained to do and in my 15+ years I’ve never been wrong. Just be grateful you’ve never had to experience what I’ve had. It’s a vibe, it’s a feeling, it’s experience. Exactly what I’m feeling from OP.

LostinLondon thank god you're not a psychologist. You've just above raised a huge amount of totally dubious assumptions about the OP with no ground at all. Where do you get it that the OP has eating issues?

Gotta give it to you for imagination. Of the tv soap opera kind.

Er, right. I'm backing away at this point, and hoping you aren't as childish when at your desk.

@littledoglaughed you are right it is just an assumption I could be totally wrong. That’s why I hadn’t mentioned it until now. That’s also why I said ‘in my opinion’

But what is not an assumption is that OP’s manner is raising concerns. The fact the school called her for that discussion means it is already a safeguarding matter. This is a fact.

What is also a fact is the safeguarding protocols. I’m being called childish because frog doesn’t like our child protection laws.
The fact he/she assumes I sit at a desk is hilarious. That’s the most ignorant comment I’ve ever heard. I work with children. The only time I sit at my desk is when the children are not in class.

My point still being, as we’ve gone off track and probably added too many opinions and assumptions, is that OP’s phrasing is concerning. The school have raised a safeguarding concern, that is a fact. OP is unwilling to take this on board and has used MN as an outlet to bash teachers.

You are a bit strange LostinLondon and way too invested in this.

I'm hopping away with @frogsoup