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Original poster

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:
Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:13

@caprisun I’m not really sure who that is aimed at?

TheLittleDogLaughed · 27/10/2018 12:13

running on fumes can’t wait to see the MN guide to biology. Masses of cod science here and missplaced social and historical facts.

LostinLondon dd hasn’t eaten breakfast in years, not just aged 16. As she’s quite thin (therefore defying the idea on here that if she doesn’t eat breakfast she will become starved, binge on crap and be obese) I put a range of snacks in her bag. Most of these are still in the bag when she gets home. She eats well in the evening usually sometimes doesn’t. She was like this at 13 too.

I don’t think from just a couple of comments the OP said that it’s fair to assume she doesn’t care.

PlinkPlink · 27/10/2018 12:13

Very true swingofthings

The thing is not everyone is the same. Professionals dish it out like we are. Everyone thinks that because itworked for them, everyone else should do it.

I think the important thing is to realise that what works for one might not work for another.

Also important to note is that we are talking about a teenager here. Someone going through alot of development so what has worked for us as adults will not apply here.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:24

@thelittledoglaughed
It’s our eating habits. Someone who is overweight and skips breakfast tend to binge when hunger strikes.
Most posters on here who skip breakfast have said they are slim. There has been no research on children/adults who are overweight and skip breakfast.
As someone who is overweight, who regularly skips breakfast, I only binge when I’ve skipped breakfast.
I’m totally accepting that some people skip breakfast. I completely agree that everyone is different. It’s preference and choice. But I also agree that most research points to having breakfast, that is my preference. Especially in children. I wouldn’t allow my child to leave the house unless they have eaten.

My point on here is that it IS a safeguarding concern, whether people like it or not and also that OP is encouraging her child to skip breakfast. I work with vulnerable children and adults on a daily basis and the OP rang alarm bells when I read her OP. Not because she was asking but telling MN that the teachers were unreasonable, when they were not at all.

ferrier · 27/10/2018 12:27

@Lostinlondon999

@ferrier I quote ‘I do not encourage her to eat breakfast’

That's now though. I'm willing to bet my life(!) on op having given her daughter breakfast at some point in the past. And its quite possible that there was a stage where she was encouraging her daughter but getting nowhere with it.

KennDodd · 27/10/2018 12:30

The thing I'm most glad I never did as a parent is force feed (or even tried to persuade) my children. Even when they were toddlers, if they didn't want to eat whatever it was they didn't have to, even if that meant they skipped meals. Meal times have always been very relaxed as a result. At 13, I definitely wouldn't be trying to make them eat breakfast (they all do though). I don't eat breakfast myself, never have, don't want it, and if I do eat it I just find I'm more hungry during the morning than if I hadn't had it. My children are all fit, healthy and not overweight. They can skip meals if they want, they're 10, 11 and 13, if they're hungry later they can have fruit of raw veg from the fridge.

Don't care if other posters thing I'm a neglectful bad parent. My children are healthy with no issues about food and enjoy family meals (I do make them come to the table, they don't have to have anything on their plate if they don't want).

TheLittleDogLaughed · 27/10/2018 12:30

LostinLondon she didn’t say “I encourage her to skip breakfast.” Your (un)subtle turn around of her words is a bit mean.

Ollivander84 · 27/10/2018 12:31

When at residential college on a physical course, we used to do yard duties. So expected to be on the yard for 7am and work physically until 8.30/8.45am
It was catered and breakfast wasn't open until after yard duties so nobody had breakfast, it was normal

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:31

@ferrier so as parents we give up?
It is so obvious that OP thinks that it is ok for her DD to skip a meal due to her weight.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:36

@littledoglaughed

‘I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her’

I would have had a huge amount of sympathy for OP if she had said....

‘I don’t encourage her to skip breakfast, but I also don’t force her’

That was the alarm bell comment.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:37

@olivan you did have breakfast, just slightly later.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:41

Alarm bell 1- ‘I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her’

Alarm bell 2-

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:42

Alarm bell 2- ‘Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed’

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:42

Alarm bell 3- ‘even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell’

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:42

Alarm bell 4- ‘For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry’

Mandarine · 27/10/2018 12:43

“because she was asking but telling MN that the teachers were unreasonable, when they were not at all”

Yes Lost, I totally agree. It is the OPs attitude that is the issue and I too found her initial post very uncomfortable reading.

I once went to a parents’ evening and a teacher mentioned to me that she was concerned that my DD had been submitting pieces of online homework at 10-11pm. I was horrified and embarrassed because I was not aware of this. Should I have reacted with something like, “Oh wind your neck in you old busybody. Who do you think you are - the bloody sleep-police? I provide DD with a bed. I can’t force her to sleep, can I? What do you expect - she’s 12! Old enough to find her own pattern. Nothing I can do. Mind your own business!”

As it was, I was very grateful to the teacher for pointing this out and asked if she would please not hesitate to contact me if it ever happened again. I no longer trusted DD with her I-Pad her room after bedtime. The teacher and I worked together via the homework diary and a more structured evening routine / pointed reminders to help DD organise her time and get homework done in reasonable hours.

Some parents seem to think education is a one-way street. It is not. I see it as my responsibility to try and ensure that my kids arrive in a classroom with sufficient sleep and nutrition to be able to learn. Not just for their sake, but so that they are not a disruption to the class and a PITA for teachers and school medical staff who should NOT be having to worry about such basic things as this.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 12:46

Alarm bell 4- I tried to make a joke and said something along the lines of at least she's not having a joint on the way to school like some of the kids and I saw them shoot each other concerned looks!

This made me cringe!!!!

Mandarine · 27/10/2018 13:12

“ I tried to make a joke and said something along the lines of at least she's not having a joint on the way to school like some of the kids and I saw them shoot each other concerned looks!”

Did the Op say this? I missed that!

If this is the case, the school must think this woman is a bloody fool and wonder why they bother.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 13:15

@mandarine pg 7. Wanted to crawl in a hole for OP after I read it.

swingofthings · 27/10/2018 13:18

No alarm bells from any of what you wrote to be so. The least alarm heel is the fact that OP decided to post about it here. A neglectful parent who uld not have cared enough to come and make a thread about it.

As for encouraging, despite the fact that I still remember the stress of the mornings battling with my mum about eating breakfast before she finally gave up (and yes, I ended up with good grades and not overweight), I always prepared breakfast for my kids when they were little and they were encouraged to eat at primary school since they attended primary scholol. I never mentioned that I didnt want breakfast myself as a kid. That didn't stop DD refusing to eat anything before school whe. She started secondary school and at that point, I knew there was no point in forcing her.

Lostinlondon999 · 27/10/2018 13:28

@swingofthings that’s your view. I’ve got 15+ years of experience with working with children. Numerous hours spent on safeguarding training, one which I completed 2 weeks ago. I’ve also spent the past 6 weeks working with children who are on the CIN register. I deal with low level and high level. This is low level, but still a cause for concern.
So take what you want from this thread. But after reading only the OP without any other comments I felt uneasy.

Mandarine · 27/10/2018 13:33

So swing, what you are saying is that you tried to encourage breakfast for as long as possible until you felt like you couldn’t force the issue any more. Fair enough.

Can you not see how this is totally different to the OP’s attitude -

“I don’t stop her eating breakfast, but I don’t encourage her either...”

She is coming at it from the opposite angle, to begin with. She doesn’t “stop” her DD eating breakfast - well why would you stop s child eating breakfast fgs! Confused Bizarre! Her general attitude of arrogance and dismissiveness speaks volumes.

I really don’t know what to say anymore.

frogsoup · 27/10/2018 14:41

Bloody hell, it's pretty terrifying to think people that would deconstruct this obviously minor issue into 11 separate alarm bells are busy working in child protection. There are kids who have the shit kicked out of them most days who get less concern from child protection.

swingofthings · 27/10/2018 14:49

I think you are reading the OP the way it suits your agenda picking out quotes to fit into what you want to deduct. I hope that's not how you do it in real life and actually consider many more factors before coming to the conclusion that there is a sefeguarding concern.

If you read the OP properly, she said that she went to the school to discuss matters, which was indeed the right thing, but after accepting it wasn't a matter of safeguarding (I assume OP would have said if that was the case), they are pestering her with lectures and information about breakfast.

Either they raise a safeguarding concern or they should leave her alone.

Flooffloof · 27/10/2018 14:55

If my daughter felt faint,and the school had called me about it, I would take her to the GPs to find out what it was

Really, and how long does it take you to get an appointment. Seems loads of mners wait weeks. What use will a GP appointment be 3 weeks after?

A lot of people don't feel hungry when they jump out of bed so she needs to be getting up earlier to give her body time to realise it's awake and time to start the day

I would have to get up around half 3 in the morning. If OPs child is similar that's a ridiculous idea.

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