Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

i hope to God the reason she won't eat breakfast Isn't** because she's overweight

That was meant to say

@caprisun the reason these assumptions are being made is because OP has stated that DD skips breakfast, has lunch at 12, snack at 4 and dinner at 8.30. If these were all healthy meals then she wouldn’t be overweight.

That’s not true. She might have an eating disorder, she might be naturally heavy, she might be sedatary. It might be hormone related. You can also, fairly easily, get fat on healthy food.
So many assumptions. I can’t believe the disordered thinking towards food that must be taking place to demonise a couple of slices of toast

@Caprisunorange as I said I could be wrong. Why do people come in here if they can't be added to missing well read properly. And I fully don't understand the shock horror comment because I'm not saying carbs are a bad thing. They're necessary for energy and if she hasn't had a dose of carbs in the morning as I said...she's running on fumes, carbs make you feel full and she would be needing that. Unless she's telling herself she too far and doesn't want to eat because she thinks meal skipping will make her skinny. They're all assumptions, I don't deny that, what isn't an assumption is that breakfast is necessary

@caprisun I’ve already said before that this rule doesn’t apply if the person has an underlying medical condition. But I doubt this very much as there was no mention of this. OP did say that her DD was a healthy weight until the start of secondary school.
If her DD does have any of what you have mentioned then the school were justified to have that convo.

Can't be bothered to pissing well read properly

My tablet clearly needs a lesson in typing properly ffs

She might captisun but given the facts the op has stated the most likely cause is bad eating habits and binge eating. People are too quick too say it’s a genetic problem to be big at a young age, when evidence is staring them straight in the eyes. Dds eating pattern is terrible and binge eating crap is often a consequence. Especially if her mum doesn’t keep an eye on what she’s eating, which I’m guessing she doesn’t.

@noeffingidea

"Your metabolism naturally slows during the night, especially because you're most likely sleeping and not actively exercising, doing chores or eating food. Night is a time that your body rests so it has a chance to repair tissue, improve cognitive function and restore energy levels."(www.livestrong.com/article/489157-does-your-metabolism-slow-down-at-night/)

That's just one example. Your metabolism goes into a state of rest when you are sleeping. It does not need to burn calories. You are resting. You may need a little energy to repair tissue but it is nowhere near as active as when you are moving around and awake.

Have a proper lol at that.

Why aren't you working with her to address her weight?

When my DS started secondary school, he too started to put on a lot of weight. The reason was that he came home starving, readed the cupboards and stuffed himself and then had diner despite not being hungry any longer. I couldn't believe how much weight he'd put on that year. That's because it was the first time he came home straight from school and there wasn't an adult then to check what he was eating.

It's then we started to talk about healthy eating and agreed on what to do next. He said that he still wanted to come home and have something because it was a comfort thing. That's when he stopped having breakfast, had a snack at 11am, a light lunch, a bigger snack at 4pm but introduced healthier options and a healthy dinner but smaller portions. It worked for him and he lost all the fat over year 8, also as he suddenly shoot up. He wasn't the only one in his year to put on quite some weight that year.

I have never forced any of my children to eat, ever since DS1, then 5, had had flu for a fortnight and had been living on chocolates from the Christmas tree. The emergency GP told me to force feed him. I tried force feeding him Weetabix the next morning. He was crying, I was crying. We took him to A&E, where they diagnosed cystic fibrosis. I asked if I was right to give him chocolates off the Christmas tree, they said, "Yes, you kept him alive." Stupid fucking emergency GP. Now, if my DC don't want to eat, I don't force them.

I don't even know how you'd force a 13yo to eat.

It’s not about forcing 🤦‍♀️. It’s about encouraging and educating. OP is doing sweet FA to support her daughter. The school have concerns, hence why they had a discussion about it.

OP I would be glad that your DD's school is able to look out for the wellbeing of its students, and screens those children who admit to not eating breakfast for bigger problems.

You seem to have a very simplistic view of calories in/ calories out. Much of the Intermittent Fasting writing I've read had been in conjunction with Paleo/Low Carb diets that show this up for the oversimplification it is.

But that aside this is your daughter who is, what, year 9, and can tell no doubt that mum doesn't think she needs extra calories. Are you own issues and judgement about weight perhaps negatively impacting DD? I certainly wouldn't say I was hungry if you referred to me and my food like that! I'm wondering if DD is overweight given that you've not weighed her?

In terms of the lateness of dinner - I think 2 hours is good to let your small intestine work on your main meal, less if it's just a snack. And most sites seem to think 11-18 yos need 8-10 hours sleep - so 10 hours in bed means she's probably missing out on sleep which can't be helping - you mention she's tired after just the first half term of the year. Might that all be worth looking at? It might be necessary for some of the family to eat a main meal that late but it's probably best avoided as far as possible.

I actually think the healthiest diet is to have one meal per day.

Every time you eat your body produces insulin that in short, ages you.

I very rarely eat till lunchtime and then have a big dinner in the evening. I'm slim and have been this way since I was 12 at which point my mum felt it was my responsibility to make a bowl of cereal or toast for myself if I wanted to as most 12 year olds are perfectly capable of this. The school is totally being unreasonable, it is just another way to load responsibility on the parent that they should do everything for their teenage DC instead of allowing them to be independent. As long as you have breakfast food in the house, it is your DD's responsibility to decide whether she should get up early and eat breakfast. She will be learning cause and effect: if she doesn't eat breakfast, she may feel unwell during the day. Same way my mum thought it was ridiculous that she would get texts if I was late for school: it was my responsibility to ask for a lift or get the bus if I was running late, she would usually be happy to oblige and give a lift or money for the bus but I always had to ask. Can't believe they actually called you into the school for this.

This thread really show the reality of everyone having their own views on what healthy eating is which is not surprising since professionals argue just the same. It seems to come down to 'what I do that allowed me to lose weight/keep it down' is the right way and everyone should follow and if you don't, you're either stupid or neglectful when it comes to children.

@merlot I actually think the issue is the other way round.
So many parents think it’s the schools responsibility to take on parental obligations. It is not my job to feed your child, it is not my job to ensure your child comes to school on time. It is my job to educate. I waste so much time in the day ensuring a child’s basic needs are met. I actually feel bad complaining about it as I wouldn’t do any less for these children, but if some parents had a different mindset, I know I could put my energy into teaching.

So many assumptions.
How do you know that op never encouraged her child to eat breakfast? You pick your battles with teenagers and if she's already lost this one then it's counterproductive to keep fighting it.

And a resting metabolism is 'kickstarted' by getting up, not by eating.

Our children are our responsibility until they are 18. Mostly because all children reach independence at different ages. Our role is to guide them for the path ahead.

We're talking secondary school. At DD's first choice secondary school they have free breakfast, then they sell "snacks" like pizza or sandwiches at first break, then lunch. I'd actually be worried about overeating. I don't know if all secondary schools do this.

@ferrier I quote ‘I do not encourage her to eat breakfast’

Lostinlondon no one should need to feed a 13yo breakfast. They can make toast, get cereal, make coffee. Make something cooked if they get up early enough. I don't feed DD breakfast now at 11. If she's hungry, she'll either put some crêpes in the microwave or eat them cold if it's close to lunchtime.

@philomena I agree. But it sounds like OP is actively doing nothing to help her daughter. There is no encouragement and no educating. OP is quite happy for her DD to skip breakfast because she believes her to be overweight. By what OP has said there seem to be deeper issues with her DD, which if are not addressed sensitively and as soon as then she will be opening doors for issues in later life.

I haven’t said anything about genetics I don’t understand why you’re bothering with all these outlandish dramatic statements when you then acknowledge full well they could be as wrong as they are right

@philomena even though I agree, I would still be making breakfast for my 13yo. I would begin to support her in making the correct choices, healthy choices, and also encouraging her to be more independent by making her own breakfasts. If my DD was skipping breakfast altogether then it would be something that i would also address.