Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

"Low fat hasn’t been debunked though has it? "

No and particularly not if the fat isn't being replaced by sugar. Nothing wrong with skimmed milk, for example.

"@gwen and I’m my eyes that’s actively encouraging it. "

So you're just twisting her words to suit yourself.

@A580 you are being ridiculous now. You say your son eats a banana now. Well that is some sort of breakfast. You say your son didn’t really eat breakfast for years? Did you ever say to him ‘fancy something to eat before you leave’?
OP is encouraging her child not to eat breakfast by actively ignoring it as she is concerned about her weight. Two different things.

If your son approached me in school and told me he hadn’t eaten breakfast then yes I would be calling you to discuss it.
If it continued and you weren’t supporting the school then you would initially be referred to an organisation like family support or families first and if they have deeper concerns you would then be reported to social services.

I’m really sorry that you don’t like this procedure but that is the law and by law I am required to do this.

Sounds like they have way too much time on their hands!

Love reactions like this! Do you seriously think that teachers enjoy having to act as unpaid Social Services, trying to make sure that their pupils are fit to learn? How often do you hear the comment What did the school do about it?
They're on a hiding to nothing on things like this, damned if they don't and, especially among MN members, damned if they do.
If teachers were able to concentrate on teaching to alert, home-supported pupils, instead of having to waste time on nonsense, then standards would rise exponentially.

@gwen absolutely not, it’s called reading between the lines. Something I have quite a lot of experience in. Unfortunately in 15+ years I’ve never been wrong. Tbh I really wish that I was.

I was quite annoyed when I read the OP because of the way she phrased her comments.

@Lostinlondon999 what would you suggest for someone overweight if skipping 400 calories isn't a good idea 

@beeef honestly I wouldn’t skip the 400 at breakfast.
Unless there are health issues at play then the calorie intake is too high.
I would suggest 3 healthy meals. Low in sugar, the suggested fat intake for the child’s age and a variation of different foods.

You aren't being asked to read between the lines and yes your annoyance shows. I spent a long time more or less pleading with my son to eat breakfast but he just couldn't face it. He is the polar opposite to his sister who needs to eat more or less the minute she is awake. Humans are different and there is plenty of evidence to suggest that people do not come to any harm from not eating breakfast!

I also agree with snacks if they are healthy and if the snacks aren’t affecting the child’s appetite for their main meals.
This will change over time. My children don’t eat much but will have periods of being starving. They tend to grow after these bursts of hunger.

@A580 thank you for proving my point. You were actively ecouraging your son to eat breakfast. OP is not. That is the point!!!!!!

P.s. I get paid to read between the lines.

I find it daft when people say low fat =huh sugar. Take a quick look at the ingredients FFs it’s not hard. As mentioned on the thread, semi skimmed milk/ FF Greek yogurt- how dumb would you be to think sugar had been added to those?!?

You are not being paid to read between the lines on Mumsnet.

@A580 OP on MN for an opinion, that’s what I gave!

No, the point is that a 13 year old will eat breakfast if they want it and won't if they don't. My son could have fallen ill at school and told them, if they asked, that he hadn't eaten breakfast for years. Your argument is that the authorities should have been alerted to his neglectful home life.

Upper and middle class Victorians and Edwardian ate three big meals a day and sometimes afternoon tea as well. They weren’t obese.

Umm - they also didn’t have fast food and 24 hour supermarkets on their doorstep. This is a pointless comparison - who compares themselves to upper and middle class Edwardians? And there was tons of obesity among the rich - fat old men with gout. Portly middle-aged women and chubbiness in kids was considered cute.

Jeez.

LostinLondon my 16 year old dd never eats breakfast. It doesn’t matter what I do or say. She is not neglected she’s just making a choice.

@A580 I’m sorry but you’re not reading my comments. I did not say that.

If a child skips breakfast then it would be reported within the school to the safeguarding leads. Not the authorities. The authorities are alerted when a greater picture has been formed.

For the hundredths time, I said my issue is not OP’s daughter skipping breakfast. It is her phrasing on this thread, the fact she is encouraging her child not to eat breakfast and her reaction to the school.
As you said, you always tried with your son. OP is not doing this. OP clearly has her own hang ups on weight and is approaching this completely wrong. The school have also noticed this and is why they have raised their concerns.

As a PP has said schools are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

@thelittledoglaughed 13-16 is a huge age gap. At 13 you’re still very much reliant on your parents. At 16 you think you can take on the world.

Ps @thelittledog laughed you are still actively encouraging it, OP is NOT!

If an adult chooses not to eat breakfast that’s up to them but as parents we are responsible for our children. I certainly don’t see a 13 year old as the finished product and old enough to make good choices about their eating habits and diet. Also, in relation to the protests that the girl’s illness had nothing to do with not eating breakfast,or not confirmed at least, what was it then?? If my daughter felt faint,and the school had called me about it, I would take her to the GPs to find out what it was. Given the op hasn’t offered any other explanation as to why her daughter felt faint and that she’s openly talked about her daughter not eating until 12pm every day for 5 weeks, I think we can be pretty certain the fainting was related to lack of food. Unless, of course, the op has neglected to investigate the illness further with the GP too??!!

@TheLittleDogLaughed I was specifically replying to a poster who said

“And this relatively new idea of eating breakfast religiously, strangely coincides with us being bigger as a society than we've ever been”

I partly can to respond to this shite but if she isn't eating something in the morning then she's already running on fumes, so she's playing catch up all day because by the time it gets to lunch time she's starving and the when she gets home she's even hungrier because the lunch she had at school wasn't enough to fill her, so when she gets home she's raiding the cupboards and the she has dinner and then she wants a snack before bed. Generally carbs and sugar i presume because she needs to feel that feeling of being full. A lot of people don't feel hungry when they jump out of bed so she needs to be getting up earlier to give her body time to realise it's awake and time to start the day. Their are a million and one things she could eat before school it doesn't have to be cereal, but anything is better than nothing. Sorry but it's a basic rule as a parent to feed your child, to want them to have full bellies as they set off for the day. And actually it was on the news last year just how many children go to school without breakfast. Does her school not do a breakfast club? If you don't want to sorting her a healthy breakfast out each day then take her to that. I'm not even touching the overweight thing because tbh I just think everything you said seems so completely obvious but who knows i could be wrong all I'm gonna say is i hope to God the reason she won't eat breakfast is because she is over weight or heard you telling her constantly that she needs to lose weight because then you have a much worse issue on your hands than being called into the school

Cba*

I don’t understand why you’re making all those assumptions mommacinders (that she’s coming home raising the cupboard of sugar and SHOCK HORROR CARBS) how could you have a clue what goes on in OPs house