Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

Thanks god Sb24 and some others have come on here today as the voices of reason!

Why why why are ADULTS perpetually banging on about this 8/16 diet and how it works for them? This girl is 13 fgs! Are you 13 - going through periods starting, huge hormone swings, growth spurts, heightened brain development, GCSE pressures, social dramas, physical insecurity, etc etc? Are you? No you are not. You are 40 or whatever and can do what the hell you want. This is a child in school who needs SOMEBODY to at least try and support her in reasonable eating patterns.

As a PP said, you can bet your life that she binges on crisps and junk at break. School snack shops are hardly known for their overnight oat pots or whatever are they? No, it’s sugar all the way.

It’s not just about weight. It’s about their skin, hair, underlying health, not to mention stamina and concentration.

They may be fine now because they’re young, but a binge / junk diet just means they are storing up health problems for the future.

I asked my 15 year-old DS and 13 year-old DD if they know anyone who comes to school without breakfast. They looked at me as if I was mad. They both said that if they don’t have anything before leaving the house, their friends get a porridge or banana bread or smoothie or something at Pret or similar and have this en route.

I myself am 42 and can easily not think about eating until about 3pm. Sometimes I do 3-day Detox plans where I only have veg / fruit juices. But so bloody what??? I wouldn’t let a 13 year old who has school to contend with do the same.

My DS has grown from 6 ft to 6 ft 5 in less than a year. He has stretch marks on his legs in fact. He could function without breakfast, sure. His grades may or may not drop. But it’s hardly a course I would recommend!! My daughter often doesn’t want to eat, but I will tell her - “You have a maths test this morning, please have something..” When she comes home in a vile mood, I know instantly that she hasn’t eaten lunch at school and has eaten junk instead.

All the school have done here is given the mother common sense advice. What do people actually expect them to say? The DD may well be ill from a bug or period pains or whatever - the point is that not having eaten AS WELL will only exacerbate any symptoms.

The admissions I have heard from children over the years will make you want to rip your ears off. I genuinely mean that. Guess what the first admission was? Missing breakfast!

So for all of you complaining that this is ridiculous I am pretty confident you have never worked with children and have never experienced a child suffering from neglect.

My concern is not that OP’s DD missed breakfast, my concern is OP’s reaction. The way she has spoken on this thread. The fact the school didn’t have a quick chat with OP speaks volumes. They felt the need to have quite a detailed discussion about it.

OP clearly has an issue with her DD’s weight. Actively encouraging her not to eat breakfast. Seriously?

Also i wouldn’t even listen to people who say some random diet like 8/16 works for them. They obviously needed to lose weight so don’t know about staying a naturally healthy weight for life anyway

The op says her share is missing breakfast because she doesnt get up in time. This is a totally different scenario to not being share to share it. The op needs to get her up in time.
If missing breakfast is making the child ill then of course it is a big deal! I find the ops attitude a little worrying!
Dd2 friend fainted at school through lack of food and fractured her skull

Agree with pp, this thread has been the most rubbish containing thread I've ever seen on MN .... I've been chortling regularly! The latest chortle was the idea of sending a kid into school with a cereal bar as it's healthy!

A lot of people effectively eat all the time. They're constantly grazing, always have a cup of tea or whatever at hand. There's some good evidence that two decent sized meals, or even one - perish the thought - are all that you need. It takes a bit of training to get your body used to it, but once it is, it's a fantastic way to lose weight and eat healthily because the vast majority of snacks are sugar laden crap - including cereal bars.

Ferrier- what has this got to do with the subject of this thread? Are we really interested in the fact that you are doing 16:8 fasting?

As pp pointed out it has a direct relevance to the subject of missing breakfast. However, you appear to have missed the fact that I was replying to a question someone asked me directly some pages back. I did say I couldn't remember their name so I couldn't tag them.

There is actually lots of the heakth benefits of fasting unrelated to share loss

There's some good evidence that two decent sized meals, or even one - perish the thought - are all that you need.

For an adult maybe. Not a still growing and developing child.

There is more evidence for eating breakfast on this thread than against.
You have highly qualified nhs staff and teachers all saying that it is a serious safeguarding concern, but yet you choose to ignore.
People who dedicate their lives to researching exactly this argument have also said it is better to eat breakfast.

I'm not betting my LIFE on anything am I though? Your stance is that any 13 year old who goes to school without breakfast is neglected? Or any 13 year old who goes to school having eaten breakfast is not going to be overweight? Which is it? You are peddling lies as fact. It is extremely silly.

Your DD not having breakfast is not neglectful on your part - it's her choice, you can't force is down her....for goodness sake, what is the world coming to!! It's insulting to suggest that this is neglectful.

However I agree that breakfast is important, so I'd be encouraging her to eat it and to lose the 300-400 calories elsewhere. If she ate breakfast she might naturally eat fewer calories throughout the day. Again though, ultimately it's her choice.....

And incidentally I wasn't 'doing 16:8 fasting' .... it's just a natural consequence of not eating breakfast and not snacking.

I didn't think schools were able to sell crisps and chocolate any more? Certainly the schools round here don't. They do sell stuff that I consider to be junk as they are marketed as healthy options when we all know they aren't .... or should know.

I'm afraid there is way too much evidence that skipping breakfast has zero effect on health and academic performance and plenty of evidence that teenagers are predisposed to be at their lowest mood in the mornings, for me to be worried about a teenager behaving in the way that teenagers do.

"I wouldn’t even listen to people who say some random diet like 8/16 works for them. They obviously needed to lose weight so don’t know about staying a naturally healthy weight for life anyway"

Actually I'm not even close to overweight - I am and have always been a healthy weight. I'm doing 16-8 partly because as I'm in perimenopause the weight is slowly creeping up for the first time ever (even though my bmi is still only 22), and because of the documented benefits for blood sugar levels. The idea that eating little and often is good for blood sugar is total nonsense.

Have a look on the NHS website and you will find plenty of advice that has now been debunked as out of date. Last I looked they were still peddling low fat.

And I agree, this thread is full of some of the most loopy advice I've read in a very long time on MN. The winner for me is 'if you eat less you'll gain weight', though there are many contenders for the 'total bollocks' prize.

If she ate breakfast she might naturally eat fewer calories throughout the day. Again though, ultimately it's her choice.....

Actually the evidence is that someone who skips breakfast consumes fewer calories across the day than someone who eats it.

Yes Ferrier i agree re NHS website. Low fat (high sugar) yoghurt, perfect for a healthy diet As for low fat cheese- what fucking abomination!

@A580 you have totally ignored my other points.

• 5 weeks missing breakfast is a safeguarding concern whether you like it or not. If you don’t like it then please take it up with the government, Unicef and social services. I guess your opinion is above legislation for the rights of a child.

• OP’s reaction to the teachers by making a joke about joints is concerning.

• the fact OP thinks it’s ok for a growing child to skip breakfast.

• OP’s phrasing is appalling. Her language in itself is a safeguarding concern. This is something educators are trained to do.

• the fact the school felt the need to have a long conversation about this.

It is not my stance that any child missing breakfast is neglected but it is the starting point. I had this conversation 3 times last week and the parent’s explanation was reasonable. It is still recorded though.

Low fat hasn’t been debunked though has it? Just because faddy diets promote high fat doesn’t mean that will stand the test of time

“Actually I'm not even close to overweight - I am and have always been a healthy weight.”

Well then the point isn’t really relevant to OPs daughters

@A580 I’ve been there myself. Some overweight children, the ones who are aware of it and the ones whose self esteem it affects. They starve themselves and then become so hungry that they think ‘fuck it’ and binge, then they feel so guilty and the cycle starts again.
The children who won’t go swimming with the school, the ones who won’t wear a t-shirt, the ones who position their arms in a particular way to hide their belly.
I’ve seen this time and time again.

If my daughter came home from school “ill”, the first thing I would ask her is what she had eaten that day.

If she said to me, “Well I skipped breakfast, but don’t worry mum. I did have crisps and a piece of pizza for lunch..”

Do I point out to her that she probably hadn’t performed to her potential in the French test that was at 11am; this is not ideal and it isn’t any wonder she’s not feeling great?

Or do I say, “Oh well that’s fine then darling - and did you know the other good news? You are also, in fact, inadvertently following the 8/16 diet which some middle aged people use to help regulate their weight. Fantastic!”

The truth is, if my daughter was regularly eating nothing until after 12 on school days (which we are told IS the case with the OP’s daughter), I wouldn’t be waiting for the school to contact me! I’d be flagging it with the school myself because I would know her performance would be suffering, not just academically, but also socially, emotionally and physically.

"Actively encouraging her not to eat breakfast. Seriously?"

She doesn't actively encourage her not to eat breakfast though does she? She just doesn't insist that she does when she doesn't want to.

Yes Ferrier i agree re NHS website. Low fat (high sugar) yoghurt, perfect for a healthy diet hmm

Not all low fat/fat free yogurt is high in sugar. Natural Greek yogurt for example.

@gwen and I’m my eyes that’s actively encouraging it.

Please read the OP carefully. She’s worried about her daughters weight so is turning a blind eye. She thinks it’s a good idea that she’s skipping 3-400 calories as she’s overweight.

My teenage son didn't really eat breakfast for a couple of years. He still only has something like a banana or milky coffee. Are you suggesting some should turn me in to the Government, Social Services and UNICEF?