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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/10/2018 06:28

NotMyName
So much projection and twisting of words.

takeastand
I think I would just leave it with school and say no more. They aren’t expecting an answer. But I would have a plan in case this happens again.

Your dd doesn’t want to eat in the morning. I would ask her how she feels between break and lunch. If she feels feels lightheaded or ravenous coming up to lunch this would be the time to have a snack, wouldn’t it?

I assume your dd has or will shortly have her periods and maybe more growth spurts. With my period I always felt more ravenous. Perhaps sending your dd in with a snack every day and extra credit on her meal card thus giving her the option to eat something at break would be a good idea. It then gives her the choice whether or not to eat.

I totally disagree with posters saying you should force your dd to eat breakfast. She is 13, not 7. She’s a future adult and needs to learn to manage her food intake and learn about how her body is positively or negatively affected by eating at certain times.

takeastand · 26/10/2018 06:32

@SofiaAmes thank you for clarifying so many things and pointing out how my words had been twisted!@NotMyNameButHereForever you sound.....angry (even when you agree with someone you do so "violently" according to your own post). Amongst the rant there appears to be only one actual question which is WTAF is with the 'I don't encourage her to eat breakfast but I don't stop her either' - Genuine Q, at what age did you stop being responsible for feeding her/ensuring she's fed?

She is fed. Well fed, not having breakfast on weekdays doesn't mean she is being starved. I was simply making the point that I don't restrict her access to breakfast, but I don't suggest it as in her situation (not feeling hungry yet) it's not healthy. That's my opinion, and many agree.

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 26/10/2018 06:33

Well I’m one who needs breakfast. I have an underactive thyroid and my metabolism needs all the help it can get to get going in the morning.

florenceheadache · 26/10/2018 06:35

I can see this story being picked up by a lazy jouro.

junebirthdaygirl · 26/10/2018 07:44

There is a connection between no breakfast and eing overweight. So if l was you l would not be seeing no breakfast as a good thing to save on calories. If your dd was fine with no breakfast then she and you have to deal with the consequences which this time is weakness in school. I could not function and never could without breakfast. Even walking down the stairs l feel weak until l have breakfast. You cannot force her but do not see it as a way to save on calories. Thats a very immature reaction from a parent. One of your jobs is to teach her good habits although she wont always follow them.

youarenotkiddingme · 26/10/2018 07:51

Yanbu about the meeting. It could have been done by phone.

However school are right. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. A decent breakfast speeds up your metabolism and stops the sugar lows you get throughout the day that cause the snacking and hunger and the resulting increased weight.

Make your ds get up half an hour earlier. Give her a substantial but low fat breakfast and decrease her snacks and crap foods throughout the day. If you are eating correctly you will only want a decent meal in the evening as you are full up rather than grabbing quick fix foods.

Jeanclaudejackety · 26/10/2018 07:58

I don't agree with this must eat breakfast thing, I've never fancied much breakfast and I've never weighed more than 9 stone, I was a very petite child so disagree that it causes weight gain. The thought of sitting down to eat anything more than half a piece of toast before about 930am makes me feel nauseated! As a child I'd have a Harvest bar or an apple on the way to school if anything at all. My mum wasn't neglectful! Don't get this forcing food down kids at every opportunity even if not hungry, it's perfectly normal to not be starving in the morning, especially if you don't have a particularly massively active life. Why should OP be getting up even earlier to put scrambled eggs on the table for a teenager who doesn't even want to eat them. The girl needs to take responsibility for her own food intake!

Jeanclaudejackety · 26/10/2018 08:00

@serendippity I have had hashimotos since being young and I've always thought it best to take thyroxine then wait a while before eating breakfast it's actually better for your metabolism. I'd have to get up and take it at 4am if I was then going to get up and have a big breakfast before work!

bumblingbovine49 · 26/10/2018 08:01

DS (13) eats breakfast at home about 50 per cent of the time. His school is great though, they actually serve a free breakfast between 8am and 8.25am. DS sometimes eats that. If they didn't offer it, I still wouldn't force him to eat breakfast at home if he didn't want to.

Partnerproblem · 26/10/2018 08:02

If the DD is feeling unwell because she hasn’t eaten breakfast that will disrupt her education. Why would a parent be angry at a school pointing that out?

Jeanclaudejackety · 26/10/2018 08:03

I don't see how you could feel so unwell if you're eating a decent meal the night before. Maybe if you haven't eaten for 24 hours yes but who actually faints with hunger by 10am?!

BitOutOfPractice · 26/10/2018 08:13

If the DD is feeling unwell because she hasn’t eaten breakfast

The whole bloody point is that nobody knows that she felt ill because she had no breakfast. She never has before on the scores of occasions she hasn't had breakfast.

And she doesn't have breakfast because, like millions of others, she doesn't want breakfast

Partnerproblem · 26/10/2018 08:15

I just can’t see that this is a one off thing though. Children not being able to concentrate at school because of poor eating habits is a massive problem, which looks to be the case here.

Notonthestairs · 26/10/2018 08:30

What does your daughter say? Has this light headed feeling happened more than once? I don't see anything wrong in suggesting she has a banana/apple/satsuma every morning for a month and seeing if it makes any difference.

Nottheduchessoftransiyvaniaaaa · 26/10/2018 08:57

People who don’t eat breakfast themselves will always argue that it’s not necessary and vice versa. One thing though is that you shouldn’t push your way of eating on your children.

Namechange000001 · 26/10/2018 09:01

It's ridiculous. Lots of people don't eat breakfast, it's no big deal. Some years ago, if I had been called in for this matter with my kids I would have nodded along too with surprise. I'm now older and far grumpier and the conversation would be short and sharp!

Try not to worry about it OP. Just roll your eyes and carry on as before.

swingofthings · 26/10/2018 09:06

Another family here of no breakfast eaters. My mum tried hard but I despised the idea of eating in the morning. I'm the same as an adult and my two kids have taken after me especially DD. I would have had to hold her down to get something down her throat. It didn't stop her excelling at school and now studying medicine.

Speaking for myself, it's eating breakfast that makes me put on weight as the moment I eat, it triggers something that means I then feel angry non stop for the rest of the day. However, I don't suffer from low blood sugar.

rainingcatsanddog · 26/10/2018 09:07

My teens won't /can't eat breakfast but eat their first meal of the day at break instead. They often drink some but like me, they can't eat so early.

VenusInSpurs · 26/10/2018 09:11

All those people who don’t / didn’t as a teen eat breakfast:
We’re you / are you then ‘starving hungry’ for the rest of the day as the OP says her Dd is, and were you / are you overweight?

People I know who don’t eat breakfast are either quite slight, small appetites generally, or overweight and eat loads after a blood sugar plunge.

OutPinked · 26/10/2018 09:14

Interesting a secondary school would even notice this, had she complained? At secondary school most of us went without breakfast, probably because we couldn’t be arsed getting out of bed till the absolute last minute Grin. Parents were only hauled in for bad behaviour, they didn’t care about a teenager who had decided not to have breakfast.

ColouringPencils · 26/10/2018 09:14

I would probably take offence to begin with, but I would try to see that the school is looking out for my child and be grateful for that.
Teenagers are in crisis in this country: eating disorders have surged and 1 in 3 have mental health problems. Do we not remember being 13 ourselves?? If your DD is overweight, then she will not have failed to notice this. It read to me that not eating breakfast is a relatively recent thing (starting this term) and if it is, it's quite likely related to a desire to lose weight rather than that she doesn't feel hungry in the morning.
At the least, this chat with school would be a good starting point for you to chat with your DD about eating healthily and empowering her to feel beautiful and strong, encouraging her to want a strong body etc.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 26/10/2018 09:22

DD is the same age as the OP's daughter and concerns have been raised about one of her friends for the same reason.

The girl regularly skips breakfast. Her parents are both busy professionals who work shifts and are often not around at breakfast time. The 13 year old and her 17 year old brother get themselves ready for school. DD's friend is very disorganised and flaky, the sort of person who is constantly losing things and forgetting homework. Three times this week so far she's missed breakfast and forgotten to bring a packed lunch to school - or brought something like a banana to keep her going to 3pm. DD reports that yesterday after lunch had been missed for the tihrd time that the friend was taken off and parents called. There are all sorts of worries around eating disorders and neglect.

OK so OP's daughter is only missing breakfast. I do that too. Never eat breakfast, manage fine through to 12.30 when I have lunch. But it doesn't make me feel ill! If I was feeling ill and light-headed, I'd eat something. And the school are only doing what they should to look after kids in their care.

Itsnotabingthingisit · 26/10/2018 09:34

I find it absolutely astonishing that people are criticising the school for checking on a potential safeguarding issue.

They have an unwell, overweight pupil who says she skips breakfast. What are they supposed to do? it would be bloody neglectful and a dereliction of duty of care if they did nothing.

As for the general eating breakfast thing, I thought it was common knowledge that pupils who eat breakfast perform better and can concentrate for longer in school :

www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/children-who-eat-breakfast-before-school-twice-as-likely-to-perform-well-in-tests-a6736496.html

Apologies if there is other information out there that debunks this.

I'm not saying a child should be force fed in the morning, but it might be worth trialing a light breakfast and see what the results are? at the moment she is unwell and overweight so there isn't that much to lose.

Mandarine · 26/10/2018 09:34

I have friends who are teachers / head teachers and they would tell you that poor dietary habits with teens are a noticeable obstacle to progress in the classroom.

For this reason, many schools have had to divert already stretched resources into putting on free breakfast clubs, in the absence of any encouragement or provision at home.

I think some people are missing the point on this thread. No, you can’t force children to eat - this is obvious. If some children don’t feel like eating until break, fine.

The problem is that a total non-provision or encouragement of breakfast habits often goes hand in hand with other issues. Teens often don’t realise they’re hungry, no. This doesn’t mean they wouldn’t benefit from some nourishment. In exactly the same way, teens often don’t realise they are tired either - even when they went to bed at 3am. However, it’s blatantly obvious to everyine rlse in their mood, energy levels and cranky behaviour.

They may not realise they are hungry or tired and claim to feel fine but, when large groups of children are regularly not eating breakfast and then grabbing crisps or other junk late morning, this will manifest in poor behaviour and results in general and is a battle the teachers could do without.

It wouldn’t be so bad if these kids were, in fact, eating healthily the rest of the time, but in many cases they are not.

There are so many parents now who seem too willing to throw their hands in the air and shout, “Well they’re teens - what do you want me to do about it?” Kids on their phones until 2am; leaving the house with no breakfast and then eating junk later in the school day. Parents aggrieved and on the defensive if the school even dare to try and discuss their child’s wellbeing with them. It all translates into extra and uneccessary work for teachers who have enough in as it is.

I myself am not massive breakfast fan, but I do know this much - if I had an important morning ahead eg. an exam or an interview or even if I was going to do something physical / exercise related, I would make sure I had eaten something. The way I see it, every morning at school is important for our kids. No we can’t force them to eat, but we can do our best to set good expectations and habits and have the basic respect to support those who are trying to educate our children.

Shaboohshoobah1 · 26/10/2018 09:38

There is SO much misinformation on this post it’s unbelievable. What does ‘kick start your metabolism’ even MEAN? It’s just a bullshit phrase made up by cereal people - there is no science behind it at all! And the parents who are saying ‘give her a cereal bar in her bag’ - or even worse those ‘breakfast biscuits’ - HOW is that good for her? Feeding her with sugar when she is not hungry? Total madness. Encouraging people to eat when they aren’t hungry is half the reason the county is full of overweight people!
OP you’re right to be annoyed - I would be too! My kids eat quite late (clubs etc) and as a consequence often don’t want anything at 7.30am so they usually have some fruit or something mid morning if they need it, or wait til lunch. The realisation that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT seems to have passed people by a bit on here.

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