Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

@FastWindow I'm fairly sure she'll read it as IME most people do read subsequent posts before posting reply/updates but I suspect she'll either ignore it or have a pop (just a hunch I'm guessing at from her posts thus far, call me Sherlock )

@SleepingStandingUp I don't get it either. Actually, I'm frankly bewildered by it. And the kinda throwaway line of 'she rarely gets up early enough to eat it' sounds more like something I'd have said about my flatmate rather than an actual, y'know, parent talking about their own child

I've only just clocked the last line of OP too - 'It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.' Again, WTAF??! You're kidding right? So not only are you treating your child like a much older housemate as opposed to your child; and not prioritising their well-being; and not being concerned that the school are concerned; you're actually genuinely thinking of pulling them up?

Fuck a duck

I agree with the school, sorry OP. Healthy weight loss involves a healthy breakfast. Can't you even just hand her an apple on the way out the door?

Uh...you wouldn't try getting her up earlier because the research DOES show that teenagers need more sleep and need to sleep in the morning. Maybe the school should focus on a later starting time.
And NotMyNameButHereForever I cannot believe the unsubstantiated insults you have just spouted including accusing the OP of being unconcerned about her "repeatedly ill" "obese" child. Nowhere has the OP said that her child is repeatedly ill or "obese" and in fact has stated that this was the first time all term that she was feeling unwell. Not to mention the ignorance you display about the weight patterns of adolescents..how on earth can you judge whether the OP's dd is abnormally overweight or just experiencing the normal weight gain at the start of puberty that will then (hopefully) disappear as her hormones balance out, without knowing anything about her dd. Plus your use of insults and foul language is hardly befitting a school governor...So glad my dc's aren't at your school.

@SofiaAmes

' ffs there's an obesity crisis in young people (mine included )'

HTH?

I don't believe I've 'insulted' the OP - questioned her, erm, 'interesting' take on parenting yes; 'insulted' nope.

And this is Mumsnet. An internet forum. At 3am in the morning. I think we can all rest assured that most of us conduct ourselves in our various jobs/roles appropraitely and that our language on here is highly unlikely to be the same as in say, an Exclusion Panel meeting. Or a safeguarding meeting for that matter.

And if you're referring to my slightly shocked 'fuck a duck', surely you meant my fowl language?

@SofiaAmes Apologies my sweet, forgot to copy/paste the health relating bits, my bad Anyway, here you go:

'multiple times they asked me to pick her up because she wasn't feeling great.'

Again, HTH?

I wouldn't mention it to the school again. She is old enough to eat breakfast if she wants to. I wouldn't attend another meeting about it. The only thing I could suggest is make her get up earlier, and hopefully she might eat if she if she wants to.

OMG a parent can encourage all they like, they cannot force any child to eat! Tell me how you all do it. Tell them they can’t go to school until they do?

I have a superskinny 11yo and he just does not want to eat early. Sometimes he’ll eat, sometimes not. I always have food in with plenty of choice, some of it sugary rubbish (pop tarts) or not (eggs).

Lay-off the OP. The school could have handled it with a phone call.

The research was widely reported at the time. It was in New Scientist but that requires a subscription.
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/breakfast-not-the-most-important-meal-of-the-day-a6950141.html

Okay so your daughter is obese but you're questioning the school's knowledge on meals?

Okay.

🙄

Perhaps look at any your child is overweight, because you really need to pay more attention to WHAT she's eating, and HOW she's eating it. It looks a lot like they know more than you do.

@HerRoyalNotness I'm in violent agreement with you - if this was a one off not well/one off they've been concerned she's not eaten/literally only one day's concern then the school could have handled that with a phone call. But they didn't. So that does raise the question of why they set a meeting up (which would have taken some effort and consumed scant resources).

Also agree with you when you say 'a parent can encourage all they like, they cannot force a child to eat!' and think that's the nub of why a few people like me are a bit here, as OP is brazenly clear in that she literally does not bother to even try ('I don't encourage her to eat breakfast....').... whilst at the same time being pretty clear there's dysfunctional eating and weight issues at play - but speaking like she's a passenger in this scenario as opposed to the parent? Just odd. Really really odd.

I do agree with both of your headlines above per se but it's more that they literally don't apply here (food prep/care apart, I repeat - there is literally no way the school would have set that meeting up for shit and giggles or as an immediate response to a 'one-off').

The fact of the matter is we don't know how overweight or obese OP dd is. Maybe morbidly or on route to that maybe a lot less. School can see what she looks like and obviously have wider concerns. They aren't going to call you in for one 'feeling faint' incident.

Adults on this forum saying oh but I don't eat until 10am isn't really helpful. Yes you can eat at 10am because you are either at work, at home etc. This 13 year old girl is at school and I can only assume in lesson at that time.

Maybe she won't eat in front of her friends at first break as she's embarrassed? She's already overweight and then seen eating. Maybe she's being teased. Who knows what's going on but the fact school called mum in for a meeting suggests they have serious concerns about her daughter.

I would never send my kids to school without having had some form of breakfast. It's a long time from dinner until lunch.

I'm up now ( obviously ) and I couldn't face a fry up now or anytime soon but I do have at least a cereal bar with a cup of tea or ten as I would feel sick if I went out without eating anything.

Breakfasts do not have to be conventional at all but I do believe they're important and it's non negotiable here. Dc are 7 and 15.

This is why so many breakfast clubs came about as research showed that lots of children were going to school hungry.

I had an overweight 15yr old, severely so. From February this year to now he has lost 5st on slimming world and going to the gym. Starving him would not have helped. The amount of food he eats in a day is substantial and his life has changed for the better.

Everyone is different. What suits you doesn't suit everyone. I gave up on breakfast a while ago when I found it made me hungrier in the morning than without. I now don't eat anything until at least 12.30 and often later. This doesn't cause a problem where I store anything new as fat became my body has gone into survival mode In fact 16:8 is a well known diet plan.
As it happens I've also recently lost 2.5 stone .... whilst all the time not eating breakfast.

@ferrier - just out of interest if you start eating at 12.30 what time do you stop eating in the evening?

From my extensive scientific research* of having 3 kids, of which two are twins, I am now pretty certain you’re either a breakfaster or a non-breakfaster, and it’s genetic and there’s owt that you can do to change it.

Me, I’m a definite breakfaster - I’m ravenous as soon as I wake up and I HAVE to eat or I’m a monster.

My husband hardly ever eats breakfast and I used to nag him about it when we were younger.

Now we have twins, and one is like me and the other we have constant battles with every morning to try and get her to eat breakfast. She’s just NOT interested, and on weekends when I’m more relaxed and let them help themselves, she doesn’t have any at all.

The 3rd one is like me and ravenous as soon as he wakes up.

I’m sure you’re either a breakfast person or you’re not and there’s not a lot you can do to change it.

Not eating breakfast won't help her lose weight.

I'd make sure she has a banana and a porridge pot/Greek yoghurt before school each day

Oh and I'd be grateful that the school cares and is interested

I had an overweight 15yr old, severely so. From February this year to now he has lost 5st on slimming world and going to the gym. Starving him would not have helped. The amount of food he eats in a day is substantial and his life has changed for the better.

Wow

That's very impressive 👍

What utter bollocks is being spouted here. Banana and malt loaf for breakfast? These are the WORST things you could give an overweight teenager for breakfast! All that sugar will set you up for a day of cravings and a high/low blood sugar cycle. Good grief! Breakfast is NOT the most important meal of the day that's just marketing bs. Studies show that breakfast makes no real difference to weight unless you are actually changing what you are used to. Even if skipping breakfast does make you over eat later. Your not going to be able to stuff in another 300/400 calories on top of lunch. That just isn't how it works. Read up on intermittent fasting and you will see people more often eat less when then eat fewer meals.

bubbles

Thank you :)

It's been hard, really hard but his willpower and determination has been amazing.
He's still following the plan as a young member and has gained so much confidence.

He is living proof that it can be done!

I no longer police whether my 14 year old DS eats breakfast or not. He is a NT teenager in a house full of healthy food which he has been taught how to prepare and which he is welcome to help himself to.

I cook dinner, for all other meals (baring special weekend breakfasts/lunches) everyone in the family makes their own arrangements. Even DS2 who is 8 gets his own breakfast now.

I have always hated breakfast, used to force it down due to it being 'the most important meal of the day' and would feel queasy and weirdly more likely to eat a lot through the day.

Now I have black coffee and nothing until lunchtime(ish) and feel much better overall.

Never forced my kids to eat, never got into food battles about vegetables or anything like that. They both eat everything and we don't have anything particularly unhealthy in the house on a day to day basis.

If she usually doesn't have breakfast and she usually isn't light headed then I am not really seeing the connection.

People who don't eat breakfast-do you usually have something before lunch?

I have a quite odd set up for food, but it works for me.
My brekkie is really just early lunch at about 11am, then evening meal at roughly 6pm. That's it, it's all I eat and while I'm no skinny minny, neither am I obese.
Rarely I eat some kind of breakfast, then it's just unneeded extra food.
All I have in the morning is hot water, cannot bear tea or coffee or any food. Would throw up if I ate.

Interesting thread
Lots seem to diagnose lack of breakfast causing feeling unwell. But i dont think they are doctors. DS could be anaemic, have flu or just be tired.

We are not all the same. Breakfast is not great for everyone.

I think its important that food is available like the OP has however most of the traditional before school breakfast are not good for those with carb sensitivities.

Personally i am always healthier not eating breakfast. Breakfast makes me hungrier all day and a mid afternoon dip. Much unhealthier for me.

Don't agree with the school.

NotMyNameButHereForever...are you sure you are a governor and not a politician?....you have omitted part of the OP's statement, thereby changing its meaning to suit your argument. She did not JUST say as you have quoted: "multiple times they asked me to pick her up because she wasn't feeling great" , but rather.... "Like I said multiple times they asked me to pick her up because she wasn't feeling great." The multiple times is modifying the like I said and NOT the number of times her dd needed to be picked up. Even if the sentence is missing a comma which would have made that clearer, you can infer the intended meaning from all the rest of the OP's statements where she very clearly says "this is the first day she has felt unwell."

I so hope you are more careful with your facts, details and assumptions about parental suitability in your Exclusion and safe guarding meetings.

I never ate breakfast as a child it used to make me feel sick, my mum never offered me it to me either. But tbh I wouldn't ever let me son leave the house without eating something I would at least offer a banana or something just so I know he's had something. But I do think the school are over reacting