Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

irvineoneohone the op's daughter never eats breakfast. This is the first time she's felt odd. Why should the lack of breakfast today make her feel odd when it hasn't before? Could there not possibly be any other reason why she felt odd? Apart from lack of breakfast do you think?

It's very sad that anyone on here with absolutely no evidence would try to suggest otherwise OP :(
the only issue is that she is a pretty normal teenager

I live in Mexico and knew a lot of primary school teachers who worked in poor parts of town. They found it really hard to teach children who hadn't had any breakfast. I think breakfast is really important for mental work.

coyoacan that may be because they're not getting enough to eat overall, not because they're not having breakfast. The OP's daughter is getting adequate nutrition over a 24 period.

I think breakfast is really important for mental work.

I do too but sometimes they won't eat it.

Why should the lack of breakfast today make her feel odd when it hasn't before?

Maybe it’s just starting to take its toll on her body? Maybe it’s a sign of something else, who knows? That’s why I think it was correct for the school to call and ask to come in. Saying definitively that’s the reason was wrong of them though, I think.

My teens don’t eat breakfast. We try to feed them. They have brioche, pain chocolat and cereal or toast always available but they get up late and just have hot chocolate. I now give the a breakfast bar to have at break. It bothers me but there’s little else I can do at the moment.

Fair enough the school mentioned it, she may not have told them she never eats breakfast and so they were worried she was light headed from hunger that day and wanted to let you know, but once you explained I can't see the issue, I haven't eaten breakfast regularly since I was about 10/11, it makes me feel queasy eating first thing. As long as it is her choice, not because you won't let her/don't have breakfast in I can't see why they are worried.

manic I have never had an eating disorder. I have another mental illness, that comes back from time to time, and I know it now when it threatens. Depression. It won't get me when I see it coming. I know what it looks like and I'll be damned if I'll let it take me down again.

But you describe an eating disorder that wasn't spotted in you. I think even if this 13 year old hasn't got one, you've got a point. The school has to act. Parents must understand that the school is acting as they should.

To all the pp saying could there be another reason why a female 13 year old feels odd other than not having had no food in the morning?
What other thing happens to 13 year old girls. As I said way upthread.

But the OP said that her dd hasn't had breakfast in the morning all term, but that this was the first day that she was not feeling well. The appropriate conclusion would be that the not feeling well was probably not a result of the not eating breakfast.

Anyway, I'm curious how many of you have teenage daughters who are not athletes who eat breakfast? Mine doesn't.

BitOutOfPractice , maybe, maybe not. When I wan't having a breakfast as a teenager, I didn't became ill first time I ever skipped my breakfast. It was more long term effect and all to do with my ill informed diet to be skinny, because I felt I was too fat, and nobody to supervise me.

My teens don’t eat breakfast. We try to feed them. They have brioche, pain chocolat and cereal or toast always available but they get up late and just have hot chocolate. I now give the a breakfast bar to have at break. It bothers me but there’s little else I can do at the moment

That's like me with the teen. He's recently taken to crawling out of bed at the last minute so he's only left with literally half an hour or less to open his eyes and come round, get a wash, uniform on, and breakfast.
Even if we have grab and go stuff like croissants, pancakes etc he's like meh and goes out anyway without anything.

I'd also suggest sending her off with something healthy and filling to eat on the bus or in break time, eg a banana or cereal bar. Then she may eat in a more balanced way throughout the rest of the day and get her weight more under control as well as being better able to concentrate in the mornings.

Wow. You have an interesting shit attitude to those who have a: a duty of care to your child; b: seem to be a whole heap more interested in her well-being than you do.

WTAF is with the 'I don't encourage her to eat breakfast but I don't stop her either' - Genuine Q, at what age did you stop being responsible for feeding her/ensuring she's fed?

And asking a PP who suggested you - gasp! - put a bit of effort in and make her something she can take in and eat at the point she doesn't feel 'nauseous' if they were 'for real'? Of course they were for real, just cos you clearly CBA to prep healthy stuff for her doesn't negate the common sense of their suggestion that both accommodates her eating time preferences but also ensures she gets decent nutrition in.

Your child is repeatedly ill - you seem astonishingly unconcerned about this. She's overweight or obese depending on which of your own words you're not gonna walk away from and you A: can't see this is related to her meal patterns and intake? B: are acting as that is none of your business - she's just 13, not 23 FFS If you carry on like this/nothing changes she will either be obese hereon in &/or develop an ED, you see that surely?

I'd be grateful for the school looking out for my kid though I share other folks surprise at arriving at what was essentially a safeguarding intervention type meeting 'just' for missing a breakfast as agree, that is odd. Can't help but wonder what other areas (on top of seeming unconcerned she's ill; on top of not being arsed - 'are you for real?' to meet her nutritional needs in a way that works for her) the school have observed/see as possible signs of neglect in? I'm a School Governer of a large comp and can promise you that we just don't have the resources to waste their time on nowt - red flags have been raised re your DD so maybe instead of looking for validation of your position on AIBU (you were clear you weren't really asking the question) you might wanna start by A: actually looking at what the issues are? And B: giving a shit about them?

If you're the same way in RL as you've been on here you are 'that' parent that the staff talk about in the staffroom, you know that right? Bloody depressing that I doubt you give a shit about that either. Poor DD.

No - research shows that breakfast is only important if you are hungry in the morning. If you're not you shouldn't force yourself to eat - it serves no purpose, its an urban myth you ought to eat it. I never eat breakfast it makes me feel sick (unless I'm getting up late at the weekend).

Over reacting school.

Being overweight makes it more important that she has breakfast - porridge/eggs, natural yoghurt with a little fruit etc, not junky cereal - breakfast gets your metabolism going.

I stopped eating in front of people due to being teased about, of all things, this huge green apple that I packed as part of my lunch when I was 12 and the teasing related to the size of my apple and my big butt, it took me until my early 20's to get over it and start eating somewhat normally, if I hadn't eaten breakfast then I wouldn't have eaten all day until almost 5pm.

Regular healthy meals and snacks are the key to a healthy weight, not starvation/skipping meals.

I can see how skipping meals works fine with very disciplined people OR in "traditional" societies where people are not constantly surrounded by ready-to-eat tempting junk.

In a modern society with the average person, in practice I think it tends to result in most people caving and grabbing the nearest convenient junk food. And not feeling hungry in the morning, in my experience, is often linked to eating a lot of rubbish late at night.

No - research shows that breakfast is only important if you are hungry in the morning. If you're not you shouldn't force yourself to eat - it serves no purpose, its an urban myth you ought to eat it

Quote link to this "Research" please, @Bouledeneige

i do think its a good idea to encrouage breakfast.im glad my parents sometimes powered through with this rule(didn't work always but they tried)
and I knowyou see 300 more calories as unhelpful but I think that way of thinking just sounds all wrong.this wont help long term health and good eating habits not to "force another 300-400 down she doesn't need" isn't going to help her with a good eating plan or habit.
but I do get some people cannot stand to eat in the morning.

notmyname I hope your post is read by the op, the presumed mother of the obese/overweight 13 year old that the school has contacted for what seems to the op, no good reason.
To most of the rest of us, the school has done the right thing. Out of concern for the child. Anyone who thinks it's over the top and invasive - well, then you don't have the right attitude to health for yourself, or your kids.

Getting called into school seems a bit OTT but I agree with others that breakfast shouldn't be missed and eating breakfast does help with weight loss. It's not just made up - it is scientifically proven that breakfast helps children to focus better in class and increases cognitive function.

Not eating breakfast is a potential concern because it could be a sign of disordered eating or it could be a sign of dysfunction in the home (neglect, financial problems). While many teenagers can happily skip breakfast without negative cause or consequence, there will be students in any secondary school that those issues above do apply to, and schools have a duty of care for their students welfare. In this case the DD has been unwell and there is a reasonable chance that this could have been connected with an absence of breakfast.

There is a difference in doing what you can to facilitate breakfast to the unwilling and OP's attitude of not encouraging, but not stopping.

Every time I've been faint has been due to hunger either because it was shortly before a meal or I'd missed breakfast and it has happened at times such as puberty or pregnancy when there is additional demand on the body's systems. Personally, I need something with complex carbs/ fats/ proteins to keep me going through the morning. I find that either nothing or simple carbs will get me picking and nibbling by mid-morning and on to sugar cravings for the rest of the day.

8pm to lunchtime (12? 1?) is a long time for a developing body to support itself without food. My DCs are younger, but if for some reason they haven't eaten their breakfast, I give them something extra so they can access food at break time and reduce that gap between the evening meal and lunch.

It’s hard if your dd just doesn’t like to eat breakfast, you really can’t do much beyond offering drinks.

I don't get why you wouldn't encourage your barely a teenager to eat breakfast.

Why you wouldn't bother to try getting her up earlier or sending her with something in her bag. She ISN'T neay an adult, she's a child. YOUR child (if her Dad is around then my your encompasses you both)

This isn't how you support your young daughter to have a healthy relationship with food and to be a healthy weight.