To not pay towards BIL's moving costs?

[Whitescarf]

NC as outing.

DH's brother and GF moving out and need a big van to help move some of their big furniture. DH willingly offered to help if BIL pays for diesel as they do not live locally to us and would cost us approx £50 there and back.

BIL kicked off saying he shouldn't have to pay and how his gf has given DH numerous lifts in the past and he should be helping his family out, and then dragged me into it saying ever since we've been together that DH's not there for his family anymore!

DH offered to come up in our car and help out as petrol is a lot less and we wouldn't expect him to pay that, however he said it would be useless and no point!

I do not get on with BIL anyway so may be biased but me and DH have a baby on the way and we're also getting our first mortgage so funds are very very tight, as well as needing to save for my maternity leave we just can't afford to spare £50!

Is DH being unreasonable by not shedding out £50 that we can't afford to help his brother move?

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking for fuel as he's family and he'd do the same for me!

You're fortunate to have the money, OP doesn't. People are really hard of thinking or empathy on this thread.

How are you buying a house and having a baby when fifty pounds would mean pawning your wedding ring or getting a payday loan? This seems an exaggeration.

@Whitescarf

If you really can't afford £50 without living on rice for a week, not paying the bills or potentially requiring a payday loan then I'm shocked that you believe you are on the verge of buying a house and getting a mortgage.

You must have thousands saved and have enough spare money to be regularly saving to add to that money for your deposit and various fees and to cover maternity.

Are you being disingenuous?

People are really hard of thinking or empathy on this thread. You're not kidding!

I have never been in the 'same space' as so many people who have never had to trim every expenditure for a month, let alone years!

So many saying OP shouldn't be having a baby, buying a house, is being disingenuous, must have thousand tucked away and so is being tightfisted.

She's explained the blindingly obvious! This month has taken every penny, their savings are for the deposit and solicitors fees, and they need to get a pay packet in before they will have any 'spare' money!

DH and I are, in our 50s, relatively comfortably off, even so we were in that same position when we bought our house, 5 years ago! Every penny we had went on competing the house purchase. We had to hold our breath, conserve petrol and rely on cupboard food until we got paid, the week after completion.

It really isn't that unusual a position to be in when buying a house and I find it really hard to believe that so many posters seem to find it odd - maybe the OP isn't the one being disingenuous!

I had to read this a few times as I didn’t understand.

Basically, your husband barely sees his brother and he said he would help him move only if he pays him £50 for petrol.

Your brother in law said that’s ridiculous because his girlfriend has driven your husband’s ass around and has never charged petrol money.

What f*ckery is this that you’re asking for money for petrol?! It’s disgusting behaviour on your part.

YABU!!

Basically... no, that isn't what happened, even with a most basic reading of the OP and her follow up posts!

But hey! If you like being mistaken for a Mean Girl, go for it!

PuddinginPerth I think despite reading it several times you STILL don't understand it. OP has said her DH will help for free if van isn't required.

I can't believe the criticism OP is getting on this thread - hopefully from those who've not bothered to read it, but I have a nasty feeling some respondents are so far up their own backsides that they can't dredge up even a smidgen of empathy for people who literally have no disposable income - whether temporarily, like the OP, or perpetually, like the position increasing numbers find themselves in due to the cost of living, benefit cuts, etc etc.

It's really unkind to harp on at her as if she was mean and selfish when she can't conjure money out of thin air. Her DH has happily volunteered both his time and his vehicle to help out his family, which I'd be thrilled with, but they simply can't cover the cost of fuel as well.

How about those sticking the boot in take a deep breath for a moment and reflect on how truly lucky they are to be able to lay their hands on an unexpected 50 quid just like that

My brother helped me move with his van and I paid his petrol costs. He lived on the other side of the country and it was cheaper than hiring a local van and driver.

I never expected him to not charge me the fuel costs but I'd have been put out if he charged me for his time.

So...they are moving and I should imagine money is very tight..but that's their issue, they should get the other person to do it. If you can't afford, then don't do it! Just say that you've looked at your finances and haven't got the money. There should be no falling out over it...if they're reasonable people!

My monthly mortgage payments have always been much lower than the rent on an equivalent property even factoring into account extra expenses like boiler repairs or whatever. I can see why OP wants to move if money is tight.

How fortunate people must be to not miss what is for some people the weekly shop budget. Family help each other of course but they also should understand the financial situations of others might not stretch to things.

How do people not get this?

Chances are that if this is OP’s first mortgage then her monthly payments are probably going to be less than her current rent.

Additionally, should we all really be making our house purchasing and family planning decisions based on how much we can afford to pay out to help siblings?

My own dh charged me £1K for driving to and from my recently deceased brother's flat to empty it. 150 miles each way + Big Macs for lunch. Did it half a dozen times.

I had to buy black clothes for MIL's funeral but didn't even mention it.

Some people value money more highly than others.

Please tell me Jux that there's more to that than your husband just presenting you with a bill!?

Your dh should have said at the beginning that at the moment he would have loved to help but can’t this month dB would’ve probably said fine I will get mate to do it, instead he’s said he would do it then turned around later on and said he want payment for fuel? Db said we’ll we have done you favours, your dh is at fault in this case but I would say dB thinks you’ve stuck your oar in a stopped him helping (if the family think since he’s been with you they rarely see him)

obviously though the brothers aren’t close and I would say after this the relationship is will probably be nonexistent

@Jux what on Earth???!!! That is crazy! Did you pay him??

I firmly believe that life is for living and money is for spending.
As long as you've got a roof, food and some savings as a back up then don't fucking be so miserable
There are no pockets in a shroud! We will all finish up in a hole in the ground and we can't take it with us

@catsmother I totally get it. I've been skint and I mean skint.
I was down to my last €50 and I got a phone call to say that my neighbour's baby had died. She had been sick for a while and it was only a matter of time.
I went to the supermarket straight away and bought support make sandwiches and tea for the wake (we are in Ireland)
I spent about €48 leaving me with €2!!!! And I think there was about 4 days till payday.

I think if everything has been explained to him with an apology, it’s a bit off to continue to expect it, even if he was a bit miffed to begin with.
I

Jux are you serious?!