I don't understand why anyone would not want a divorce after being separated for years.

[Eatcabbage]

Seriously, why on earth not?!

I’ve been separated 3 years, you get into a stage where raising the divorce issue is both expensive and a stressed on a precariously built new dynamic?

Maybe money? Maybe they both don’t want hire lawyers? Maybe the children are young and they don’t want to drag the children through that?

My mum and dad didn't bother until my mum wanted to marry my stepdad. They had separated the finances, only spoke when they needed to make arrangements for me, and lived totally separate lives, but didn't feel the need for the expense or hassle of the official divorce.

maybe it's against your religious faith?

Some might still bear a grudge and don't want their ex to marry again

My parents split 2 years ago and most likely won't divorce. They were married 37 years and my dad wants my mum to get his widows pension when he passes (he's 78, she's 64). His new partner has her own widows pension that she'd lose if they married, so no plans for that. If my parents divorced they'd both be worse off financially dye to splitting assets and neither of them can really afford that, so it's weird but it works for them.

I've been separated 14 years. Have just this month started the ball rolling. No particular reason for the delay. We get on great, equally parent our teens, both have partners, just never got around to it until now.

Can't be arsed, it's admin and expensive.
No reason to get divorced unless we have a new partner. We get on well so not desperate to sever connections.

I’m not actually sure why you're curious. Is someone not being divorced affecting your life? Have you met someone and them not being divorced is a sticking point?

It costs a lot of money.

Religious reasons, cost and hassle of divorce, simply being happy with the status quo of separation, fear of upsetting children.

I know of a couple who separated but remained married till their deaths. Mixture of religious and practical reasons, I guess it worked for them.

Divorces are stressful and costly, surely it's not hard to see why people may want to avoid them?

Also now there is no legal aid for divorce, unless there has been domestic violence.

Expense and no reason to unless a new partner comes on the scene, I imagine. It's not a situation I've experienced but I don't find it that hard to understand to be honest.

Religious, didn’t want to be separated in the first place, don’t want ex to marry again, avoiding marrying new partner, financial considerations?

Polly
Sort of. Partner's ex had an affair, moved out, is seeing someone else and doesn't seem to want a divorce.
I've never married, but having separated from an abusive ex cannot understand why anyone would want to stay married to an ex, given the connotations of being married.

That will be me then 2 years separated. Money and housing sorted no issues with access to children why would we divorce?

Been separated for years. All the financial stuff sorted, full and final settlement done and dusted.
But my ex was a lazy fucker, I had to do all the work to get the financial stuff done (despite him being the one to gain from it) so I knew if I didn't instigate the actual divorce then he wouldn't, and it would be a lot simpler and cheaper once our child was 16 and I could fill in the online thing and post it in.
When that day comes I'll be filing for divorce. There's been no pressing reason to do so before. My Will was changed. The legal separation document we both signed removed all his 'husbandly' rights of inheritance, next of kin etc
If he wasn't such a tosser I might not bother at all, but he is so I will.

My parents are still married despite not having spoken for 15 years. I think it’s partly the expense and hassle, and partly the fact that they’re of that generation for whom divorce was shameful. They haven’t seen each other for years but don’t like the idea of actually getting divorced.

Cost of divorce/ finance. Separated amicably to the extent that both of us a have jobs where if either died tomorrow the other would receive a death in service grant that would help bring up our daughter for a few years.

Money for me - been separated 3.5 years.

Can't get a big enough mortgage on the house on my own until dd2 goes to school.
Even though he's always said he doesn't want anything in terms of assets don't want to risk him suddenly getting greedy. His dad in particular is super tight.
I supported him financially throughout our marriage & miraculously he managed to get a new higher paid job outside of London once he was with and supporting OW & her child so I really don't want to be supporting him financially after we split as well.

Could depend how many times they have been married/divorced. Not having the motivation, time, unsure of process, money, perhaps waiting for the other person to start the divorce process ? Not loving their new partner enough ?

OP, I find it strange too (although appreciate that everybody has their own reasons).

For me, it was a major factor to get divorced and get things all sorted in case anything ever happened to me. My son was young at the time but now even at 19, I would hate for him to have to sort out a load of stuff if I were to die. After all, if I wasn't divorced my ex husband would automatically have a claim to my estate and I quite simply want (and have organised) for everything to go to my son.

I am amazed that people say that can't be bothered - I would rather be bothered and make sure everything was sorted out to save my son having to ever find himself in a situation where he has to sort everything out.

Some people are also citing the cost and stress of it all and yet in the same sentence saying they are completely amicable with their ex. If that is the case, the likelihood is that the divorce would be amicable too, and in these cases it is a straightforward process that costs relatively little.

You have answered the question I was about to ask. I always assumed it was pretty cheap unless lawyers were needed. If people have been separated for ages they must have already sorted out the assets etc and so surely its easy.

I know a couple vaguely who have been separated almost 30 years. He lives with someone “new” and has done for at least half the time. No divorce. He has become very wealthy in that time so that may be a factor. Not my business obviously but seems odd.