I don't understand why anyone would not want a divorce after being separated for years.

[Eatcabbage]

Seriously, why on earth not?!

You can have a very cheap occupation order though orange in light [I'm presuming] of his risk to you and DC. Also prohibitive steps and restraining order.
You can also get free barrister/solicitor advice for specifically your situation from Rights of Women, look them up and you can phone them til 9 tonight I believe and during day tomorrow. You shouldn't have to live like this. They will support you getting pro bono barrister too.

Orange, despite the house being in his name, you would still have rights to the equity, as it is still the marital home. In theory, you would even be in your rights to live there (not saying that you would want too) BUT it is the marital home.

For a myriad of reasons that you would only understand if you had been married and had children together, HTH.

shrieking the house was sold 4 1/2 years ago. H is in hospital and doesn't acknowledge he has 2 DC. I am not interested in the equity. I just want a divorce but can't afford it.

Sobare her DC surnames same as Mrs x surname, or new they have a different name to her now, weird this surname thing, having DC with different surname, women losing their own name, and taking different name each time marrying.

Main factor is not wanting to get married EVER AGAIN and so why bother to divorce?

You r DC deserve to be financially supported properly and this gives them that, even if you don't want it, hes clealry not going to provide in any other way, plus it will pay for the costs. Give RoW a call and see what they suggest it might all be doable for you.

Oh! Wendy ! Do you mean EVER, like NEVER EVER ?! Oh lawdy!

shrieking H isn't a danger to us. He doesn't know where we are and we don't know where he is. He flits between staying in hospital voluntarily (at his own cost so probably using the equity he got) and being sectioned therefore not having to pay.
All I want is a simple divorce. Just have to try and find him and pay for it.

Her surname is Mrs ex husbands surname (say jones,) her dc with the ex have his surname also so are jones. Then her dc with her current partner have the partners surname. So half her dc have her ex's surname (as does she) and half have the new mans surname.

My mum and dad got divorced then remarried. They separated again, but didn't divorce the 2nd time. My mum wanted to be able to claim death benefits attached to my dad's pension and he didn't want to divorce her as she had more money to make divorce awkward and costly. She didn't get her wish though as she has predeceased him, and HE is now able to claim death benefit from hers (they both had civil service pensions).

To the OP and anyone else in that situation. MAKE A WILL! (Or in the OP’s case, talk to your DP) It’s a bit late today, but you can do a stopgap one on a form from WH Smith tomorrow (be careful crossing the road on the way there). If it’s a slightly complex set-up then Mumblechum from Marlow Wills does a very good online service for Mumsnetters at a reasonable price.

It doesn’t matter whether you “don’t have any assets”. If you die intestate while still married, then the two hundred quid in your current account (or a tenner if it’s the end of the month), your clothes, your furniture, your photo albums, all belong to your ex - and absolutely everything will be stuck in limbo, frozen because only the rightful beneficiary can touch it. The consequences would be annoying if you were on good terms with your ex, but absolutely catastrophic if he was abusive or absent. Seriously, do it tomorrow. It’s a lot cheaper than a divorce. Probably best to keep a separate letter attached to the Will explaining your separation and why you’ve made the decision to cut him out in case he wants to fight.

My experience of this was two friends who separated amicably and stayed married because they saw no need to bother and partly for death in service/pension reasons. However when he decided to look for another relationship and try online dating it became clear that no sensible woman would take a chance on a man OLD whose profile said “I’m married but separated, yes of course my wife is absolutely completely fine with me being on Plenty Of Fish”. At that point divorce became the sensible option.

My Ex left me for the OW. I could not afford a divorce, or to pay a solicitor to do it. Ex said he needed time to save up..

I started saying to the OW when I saw her 'Oh, could you please tell my husband......'.

He soon got his act together, leaving me free to pay off the rent arrears he had left me with!

@OrangeOrBlackcurrant if you cannot find him you can still get divorced if you have been separated long enough. Does make it more expensive though...

Is my situation classed as slightly complex? Because if so I can't afford to update my will!

Bluebug I know I can. But if I can't afford the £350 for a divorce due to a 5yr separation then how can I afford to think about paying more £££? I simply do not have the money. Its not a question of choosing not to or spending my money elsewhere. I do not have the money to do it.

There are also ways of finding him that row will be able to advise.

If anything were to happen to you your DC will be his responsibility, or do you have a will?

I kept thinking about the issues legally of staying married, upon death or either party.

Without will house automatically go to spouse, and all debts, etc

The house has been sold. I currently rent. The joint account has been frozen (£5k in it) by H. If anything happened to me he couldn't get near the DC after being so long in hospital surely?

A professional will would be best but if you genuinely can’t afford it then a DIY job would be infinitely better than nothing in your situation Orange. You’d need a responsible adult to act as executor and as trustee for the children.

orange, you can stipulate in a will where you want your assets to go despite still being married. Admittedly, your husband could make a claim to your estate but the fact that you have made a will (which will include reference to specific people that you do NOT want to have claim to your estate) will bode well in court if ever he did try to claim. You can also put in details about date of separation etc.

Even when you are divorced, it is still advisable to have an accompanying letter saying who you wish to be excluded in your will and why, as this more or less negates any claim made by that person. I had a will drawn up for £100 - I know you said about money but this is cheaper than divorce and would be well worth it.

My mum didn't bother divorcing my dad. She kind of hated him as he was very abusive, but she still used to go round his once a month to help him out (hoarder). He died without a will so as his NOK she got his estate (instead of his kids lol!).
When she dies her IHT will be that of a married person.

So I suppose there are sometimes benefits to staying married.

Sorry Charley? Why exactly is it funny that your step siblings were disinherited? Are they particularly unpleasant?

No @BehemothPullsThePeasantsPlough - my brother and I ARE his kids!

It was nice that my mum got his estate (a property in London) as he was financially abusive to her, but it would also have been nice if me and my sibling had got it instead, as he was emotionally abusive to us too and didn't give us a good start in life at all.

I don't get it either, especially if they have new partners. Makes me think one of them won't let go. If one dies they are legally their next of kin & can make legal decisions

Costs a lot, can be complicated, there are some financial advantages to still being technically married.

Why divorce unless you want to marry again? I couldn't be bothered with divorce if husband and I separated, neither would he.