I don't understand why anyone would not want a divorce after being separated for years.

[Eatcabbage]

Seriously, why on earth not?!

I understand all the reasons for not getting the divorce underway except the why would we - um, because you do not have a functioning marriage?

I'm separated 12 months ago and walked away with nothing but 15k of debt. I recently enquired about a divorce and it seems I am now resppnsible for my wifes debt she has accumulated since we split as well as having to share my meager savings and pension. Apparently her pension is off limits despite being 10 times larger than all my assets put together. I'm not going to divorce her anytime soon.

There was famously, recently, the man who was allowed to continue to refuse his wife a divorce, because in law ATM he can refuse her a divorce. This is just control, when one wants and the other won't consent to it. Who would even do that, force someone to stay married, well either, those running from financial sharing or just refuses to let go, control.

after 5 years of separation, we sorted things out between us so i simply filled in the forms for the court myself, cost £350 for the nisi and the absolute. I think its a little bit more now, but should still be less than £500

Laine21- certainly in Scotland you can't do it like that if you have children under 16, it has to be heard in court that all child issues are agreed on.

Without DC I filed application after 2 yrs sep., both agreed upon. Cost like nothing virtually. Had a solicitor draw up property transfer deed, for also not very much. Sorted.

To me, marriage means 'I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you'.
It surprises me that this no longer being true isn't more of a reason for wanting to divorce.

(Single, her pension would not usually be off limits - you could often get half of it when you both reach state pension age under a pension sharing order. Army pensions may be different)

The reasons people give above are all the ones there are but people should be aware if you don't do it formally , financially andn with a court order agreed or decided by thej udge on finances then even 20 years - later the other person can come back for more of your money. Also never lose the papers - that eco millionaire who divorced decades before thought he had settled the finances at the time but the courts did not have copies, nor solicitors nor him nor his wife so she got loads of money decades later. Keep copies of everything and I would say including hard copies.

A lot of people think decree absolute settles it. That is the easy easy bit. In England the harder bit is negotiating that financial settlement and ideally getting a clean break (if you are the higher earner - I got a clean break after paying off my husband so no continuing spousal payments - I wanted to be free of that even nominal ones which could be increased later)

To be as awkward and twisted as possible? I had to wait 5 yrs after separating from my exh to divorce him as I didn’t need his permission to do so after 5 years. Though even then he tried to contest the date of separation by a few months. He’d refused a divorce on all other grounds so it could happen earlier even though he had no desire to stay together either. His main motive was he’s just a twat who wanted to try and make life as difficult as possible for me.

(Am in NI so slightly different divorce laws here)

I would think they don’t want to get married again.

I dated someone like this. He and his wife were separated but had never got divorced. He didn’t want to give up his pension and his inheritance from his parents until her parent died and it was equalised. Once her surviving parent died they got divorced.

I am separated . Have been for 4 years. I have absolutely no clue where my ex husband is. So I am waiting until next year when I don't need his permission .

So what happens if you're separated and one of you comes into millions of pounds?
Surely if you leave it until that point to divorce, you will have to pay your spouse some of those millions?
Whereas if you'd divorced sooner you would keep all the millions.

Or, keener, in the case of the man I dated, what ifmyou know your ex is going to come into not millions but a good chunk of money when their parent dies?

So what happens if you're separated and one of you comes into millions of pounds?

Statistically that's very unlikely to happen to the average John and Jane Doe.

Most people on this thread have stated it is for financial reasons, if you do not have the money then you cant magically make it appear and get it all sorted just in case you suddenly acquire a fortune.

Divorces are expensive there's no way to get around spending the money if you want it sorting. It's not like you can get a cheap divorce from Tesco or spend more and get a posher one from Waitrose they all cost lots of money which most people don't have lying around.

I started the ball rolling on my divorce as soon as I could really. Took over 2 years to get sorted properly and cost me nearly £20,000. Must have cost ExH more as he had to pay my court fees and costs at one point. I can totally understand not having to do that unless you had to!

I agree with you OP

I would be worried abiut what would happen in case of my own death.
Would the money go to the ex rather than my dcs or new partner?
Same as been next if kin. My partner couldn’t be but my ex would be that person to take those very important decisions on my behalf.

And debts ....

Basically, the reasons why it would be good to be married are also the same reasons that would make me worried about Not been divorced.

I can totally see why a PP’s parents decided to not get divorced though.

So what happens if you're separated and one of you comes into millions of pounds?

Statistically that's very unlikely to happen to the average John and Jane Doe.

No but you could easily get some inheritance. Seeing that it’s our parents generations that now have most of the wealth, it makes sense to protect that money. I’d be rather annoyed if my ex was to get half of my inheritance!!

Practicalities? In Bodyguard Dave/David told his wife not to divorce him as if something happened to him she would still be entitled to full widows pension etc.

Slightly flippant response but actually made me think. My DH is worth significantly more if he dies in service at his current job than alive. Huge life insurance payout.

If no reason to divorce - so not wanting to remarry - then being married is generally a good protection. Women on her are always being told to marry and not cohabit. There are reasons for that!

If you can both agree on the financial settlements, the legal formalities of divorce aren’t costly at all. It only becomes expensive if solicitors have to start thrashing things out on your behalf and then even more so if no agreement can be made and it needs a judge to rule on it.

I got my divorce sorted and financial settlement rubber stamped by the courts for about £1,000 in total, and that included solicitor’s fee.

I was separated for 12 years until I divorced. We’d sorted all finances, children were young adults. Just never got round to divorce until ex was unemployed for short while and, I think could file for free. Got something g through the post, agreed and signed and a few weeks later we were divorced. No cost no solicitors and no pain

I have been separated 5years. Can't find my husband (though as long as I prove to the court I have done all I can to find him then that shouldn't prove a problem) and I don't have £350 to pay for it as I am still raising our 2 children from the marriage.

£500 is more money than I have.

I don't have any assets and neither does he. So no need to be worried about inheritance.

Neither of us would be claiming anything from the other, we're very much Co parents and everything would go to the children anyway.

Things would change if there was a new partner on the scene for either of us though.

I just read about holding off divorce for basically greed?! The situation of ex inheriting millions happened to me, no financial order, we live in poverty, dc not his. No I absolutely would not want any of his millions inheritance.
It's ex money, nothing to do with me. How shit ppl are waiting til ex partners parent dies how is that legal. My god the system is screwed up