Strongly dislike DD's name and I want to change it. Am I horrible?
michellebelle · 24/10/2018 22:17
Oh joy. Another name remorse moan on this forum :( I am feeling a bit inspired to talk about this after seeing another mum post on here about her name dilemma.... really want someone to talk to, feeling very alone, just now started talking about this.
Well let me try to keep it short. Had a difficult time picking names during pregnancy. Was under a lot of stress with mental health, job loss issues, family problems, money problems, car quit, actually what wasn't a problem? Couldn't really think straight. We eventually picked together a short list of 4 names and waited. I had a clear favourite that just felt so sweet, but my mum put me off it and I had a wobble thinking "eh maybe she's right and it isn't DH's favourite, so he should have his first pick"
Horrendous idea. Registered her and immediately regretted it. I had left my stressful job and finally things were looking up and I could think straight again and realised "What the actual f**k was I thinking" and couldn't stop crying wishing she was the other name. Complete and utter feeling of desperation. Now each and every time someone says her name it just doesn't fit and it makes me cringe. I have absolutely no connection to this name, whereas the other one had special meaning and it just felt so calming and nice.
I thought perhaps this was PND so I've given it 12 weeks now and I still feel the same. I really wish it had been my favourite name. Everything else is great so I don't think it's anything PND related at all.
I've talked to my entire family about it, even my gran and she made a joke and said "I'd prefer you renamed her Millie (gran's name) but your choice is nice too. Now get it done" DH says he thinks it would be best as well given how strongly I feel about it.
I just feel so bad about it. I almost feel like DD's name is a lie now if that makes sense? And her first 3 months are a lie as well? I also feel bad that her birth record will need to be amended and she'll have the old name on the record. This bothers me to the core. It would be really helpful if you told me if I'm being silly or if this is OK to do. Have you known anyone who has done this or has disliked a child's name, what did they do and how did things turn out.
Thanks ladies.... xxx
Birdsgottafly · 24/10/2018 22:19
32 years later I regret not including the middle name that I wanted for my first DD. It was my Mum who put me off it.
Your DH is onside, just do it. No-one else matters.
DartmoorDoughnut · 24/10/2018 22:20
Can you keep her name as it is and just add it on to the birth record as her first name sort of thing? So current name becomes a middle one?
If everyone is in agreement aka DH isn’t bothered then go for it!
Celestia26 · 24/10/2018 22:21
What's her current name?
If you really don't like it, changing it sooner rather than later is better. If your husband supports your decision I don't know why you wouldn't do it. And ignore anyone elses comments about it.
OwlinaTree · 24/10/2018 22:21
The sooner you change it the easier it will be for her really. She'll have a different name on her official record but that's not a problem. You don't have to lie to her about it. 'We changed our minds about your name quite quickly so we changed it' is an ok thing to tell her. Better then living with a name none of you seen to like.
michellebelle · 24/10/2018 22:22
Oh, and DH has had her middle name after his mum who passed away. So I don't want to replace that or add on, I feel like it would detract from the meaning and I don't really want to bring it up to him.
CoughLaughFart · 24/10/2018 22:22
If you and your partner both want to change the name, what’s to feel guilty about? You won’t win any points for keeping her current name for the sake of it.
Oneweekleft · 24/10/2018 22:22
Just change it. Of course the first three months of her life won't be a lie. It really will be no big deal in the grand scheme of things. Once it's changed, that's that. It sounds like you were trying to please to many people with your name choice. I feel it's better with your kids name just to go for what you and your husband like and don't worry about others. I've found people's tastes are so different. Some will like your chosen name and some won't but it's what you like that matters xxx
StepAwayFromGoogle · 24/10/2018 22:23
OP, I believe you might be overthinking this! Honestly, your family seem to be in agreement so just get it changed. You'll feel so much better. It will just be a funny story to tell when your DD is older.
Birdsgottafly · 24/10/2018 22:23
Also, she isn't bonding yet, they start to do that around 3 months, so it doesn't matter what you've called her upto now.
I no many non English Families who call their children an English name, but they use a Nickname from their Birth Country. It doesn't t make any difference to anything.
People do change their minds, which is why we have the abity to make the changes officially, up to a year old, simply.
muchalover · 24/10/2018 22:23
I've never known anyone do it.
Many people are never referred to by their actual name but by a different one. There is a famous 3 day eventer called Piggy, even by the commentators and it is her name on the leader board.
My daughter hates her name so changed it by deed poll once she decided what she did like. I didn't mine as it's her choice and I was pressured into her name by exH.
RavenWings · 24/10/2018 22:24
I don't think it really matters. It's not like she will remember being called Sophie instead of her new name Susie. You'll be calling her by the name for a long time yet, might as well use one you like.
michellebelle · 24/10/2018 22:25
Also - All of you ladies are lovely but I am not going to post what the names are. Sorry! It's not that I don't want to share, but I was reading another thread on name remorse where people had told the mum what to do based on their personal likes and dislikes of the names. I just want opinions on whether or not this is absolutely insane or if this is OK to do. They're both nice classic Hebrew names. Hope you all understand xx
grumpy4squash · 24/10/2018 22:25
What is her name and what would you like to change it to?
grumpy4squash · 24/10/2018 22:27
Oh, cross post.
Something like Sarah to Deborah or Rachel?
Do what makes you happy. Your DD won't remember what she was called for the first 3 months.
[I bet both names are actually lovely :)]
michellebelle · 24/10/2018 22:30
@grumpy4squash exactly! Let's just say it's something like Leah to Hannah. (Not the actual names, but yes, Hebrew in origin and both names are quite popular among younger girls I know.) Both nice names - so I feel horrible about "Leah" but it just isn't working for us.
missmouse101 · 24/10/2018 22:32
Quite simply, you don't need to agonise about it. Just crack on and do it and don't look back.
michellebelle · 24/10/2018 22:34
Thanks all for the replies so far. I don't know why I'm hesitating to be honest. It's probably just the social aspect of it that is making me feel horrible (I don't know anyone who has done this and it certainly seems uncommon if not odd). Do you think DD would think this is strange in the future?
If you've changed a baby's name or known someone who has it would be wonderful to hear encouragement... or perhaps you've regretted a name and it didn't sit right?
jigsawpiece · 24/10/2018 22:36
Just do it. Can't have you cringing every time someone says her name. The old name will soon be a distant memory :-)
Seaweed42 · 24/10/2018 22:37
I know someone who did this. It all worked fine. The baby was well into their first year.
Everyone forgot about the other name really quickly and the child just grew into the new name just fine. Lots of kids are given names and then someone calls them a 'pet' name and they end up being called that all their lives. If you know in your heart the name you want is right, then it's the right thing do to change it.
HollowTalk · 24/10/2018 22:38
I would change it and treat it as a bit of a joke afterwards. The quicker you do it, the better everyone will feel.
Jezzifishie · 24/10/2018 22:40
I don't know anyone who has changed their baby's name, but 4 of my friends have changed theirs as adults. At first it takes a bit of brain training (to the point where if I hear one of the names about someone else, my brain autocorrects to the new name, which isn't super helpful!) but it soon becomes natural. Most of the time I forget that they were ever known by anything else! In a couple of years time I'm sure it will be the same for you.
NoSquirrels · 24/10/2018 22:40
Do you think DD would think this is strange in the future?
I think your DD will find it a fun and interesting story when she’s older. Kids live to hear about their baby days, how you picked their names etc. You’ll have a slightly more interesting story to tell, that’s all.
grumpy4squash · 24/10/2018 22:40
I think I had sort of the same thing, but just swapped a bit earlier (before birth certificate)
DS1 was going to be Noah, swapped to Alexander
DS2 was going to be Isaac, swapped to Samuel
DD was going to be Rebecca, swapped to Hannah
off to name change now :)
JennyHolzersGhost · 24/10/2018 22:41
I would just add it. It’s really fine. It doesn’t detract from your DH’s loss. Ok so she’ll have a few names but that’s fine.
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