Strongly dislike DD's name and I want to change it. Am I horrible?

[michellebelle]

Oh joy. Another name remorse moan on this forum :( I am feeling a bit inspired to talk about this after seeing another mum post on here about her name dilemma.... really want someone to talk to, feeling very alone, just now started talking about this.

Well let me try to keep it short. Had a difficult time picking names during pregnancy. Was under a lot of stress with mental health, job loss issues, family problems, money problems, car quit, actually what wasn't a problem? Couldn't really think straight. We eventually picked together a short list of 4 names and waited. I had a clear favourite that just felt so sweet, but my mum put me off it and I had a wobble thinking "eh maybe she's right and it isn't DH's favourite, so he should have his first pick"

Horrendous idea. Registered her and immediately regretted it. I had left my stressful job and finally things were looking up and I could think straight again and realised "What the actual f**k was I thinking" and couldn't stop crying wishing she was the other name. Complete and utter feeling of desperation. Now each and every time someone says her name it just doesn't fit and it makes me cringe. I have absolutely no connection to this name, whereas the other one had special meaning and it just felt so calming and nice.

I thought perhaps this was PND so I've given it 12 weeks now and I still feel the same. I really wish it had been my favourite name. Everything else is great so I don't think it's anything PND related at all.

I've talked to my entire family about it, even my gran and she made a joke and said "I'd prefer you renamed her Millie (gran's name) but your choice is nice too. Now get it done" DH says he thinks it would be best as well given how strongly I feel about it.

I just feel so bad about it. I almost feel like DD's name is a lie now if that makes sense? And her first 3 months are a lie as well? I also feel bad that her birth record will need to be amended and she'll have the old name on the record. This bothers me to the core. It would be really helpful if you told me if I'm being silly or if this is OK to do. Have you known anyone who has done this or has disliked a child's name, what did they do and how did things turn out.

Thanks ladies.... xxx

[EvaHarknessRose]

Please do it, it will be a good thing for you and no one else will mind. Just come up with a quick united one line and keep repeating it ‘we’ve decided to call her our original name choice, she’s just not growing into ‘Leah’ and we feel she is much more ‘Hannah’ to us.’

[fortifiedwithtea]

Do what you need to do. Relatives will will be a bit at first but will quickly get used to the idea.

My uncle and his wife chose Charles for their son. Everyone said how lovely, grandfathers middle name etc. But many weeks later they changed it to something completely different. I know some people were disappointed , surprised , thought they were bonkers. To my knowledge everyone kept their opinions to themselves. Twenty four years later nobody can imagine my cousin being called anything else than his mums choice of name.

[Dulra]

Hi op haven't had tom,e to read all the posts so I may be repeating but I would advise to change it. The child is only 12 weeks and for a little bit of embarrassment that you won't remember is worth it if it is always going to bother you.

My dd3 is now 5 and I never changed her name. My situation is slightly different the name didn't' bother me for the first year or so but as I began to use it with her more as she got older and in relation to her sisters names and our surname it just doesn't sound right when you say them all together. My dh feels the same about it but it is too late it is her name and her identity now and I would never change it but for a 12 week old baby it's not too late. If you are going to change it I would do it as soon as possible and even just start using the really name now even if you haven't had time to change it officially (sorry not sure if you've already registered the birth)

[JustDanceAddict]

Do it! The first 3 months are such a blur that you’ll barely remember having called her something else originally.

[Trillis]

DD has first name middle name. DH and I love both names, but we thought they sounded better one way round than the other. Eg we preferred Emily Jane Smith to Jane Emily Smith, so she became Emily Jane Smith, known as Emily (not actual names). When she was about 3 months we realised that 'Jane' suited her better and we discussed referring to her as 'Jane' from then on. Unfortunately there was then an incident relating to a different 'Jane' that made the national news for months, which made it feel wrong to switch, so we didn't. Fast forward some years, and DD had decided she actually wishes her name was Jane. So at age 11 she has asked her new secondary school to call her Jane, and everyone is having to get used to it. It would have been far less confusing for all if we'd made the switch at 3 months when we originally discussed it, rather than after 11 years.

[BumsexAtTheBingo]

I must admit that I can never understand these threads. The names I gave my children were the names I liked best on the day they were registered. I’ve come across quite a few names I prefer as names since and my preferences come and go. My kids names are their names now though so I’ll always like them because of that association. Unless you’ve named your child something really horrible sounding I wouldn’t change it.

[michellebelle]

Oh wow, seems I've made this a bigger deal in my head than it ought to be! It seemed like the end of the world inside my mind but perhaps nobody in the world besides me will give a toss about it, including DD?

I dread telling her this bit someday... I don't want to make out like I'm lying but if I go through with it I think we'll tell her we changed it at 2 weeks instead of after 3 bloody months of moaning and crying.

Still feeling a bit horrid I've muffed up her birth record though. :(

[michellebelle]

@BumsexAtTheBingo It probably sounds stupid coming from the outside, I do admit. But I will say I never liked the name we gave DD and never had a connection to it. I don't know what the hell I was thinking to be honest! My mum had made me go off "Hannah" at the last minute by saying something a bit rude, so I thought "oh maybe it's not a nice name after all" and said "I don't know then. I guess DH should have his favourite name at least". I mean, "Hannah" at least had personal meaning to me - it felt nice and the meaning actually matches my name! Ugh. Perhaps a self-worth/insecurity wobble putting someone else's desires above my own and letting my mum put me off.

I think I just wanted the registration done and dusted and for her to have a name and I felt pressured with my mum and dad moaning that she "needs a name" and "Oh but I hope you don't name her 'Hannah' though"

Too much outside influence at a very vulnerable time in hindsight.

Then of course I realised the mistake and thought "Oh f*ck what the hell have I done" and thought if I changed it people would think I'm indecisive and bonkers. Alas that's why I've waited and agonized for 12 weeks now and I feel utterly stupid that I've effed her birth certificate.

[pandarific]

Oh op, how could you possibly fuck up a birth record? It's not going to have a D minus in red pen all over it, is it? I'm being facetious, but really, it really, really doesn't mean anything negative that you change her name.

Do it and feel better - your parents were being a bit mean to have scuppered you at the last minute from a name you loved in the first place imo.

[AlphaBravo]

Just change the name. Why is this always such a huge drama?

[AlphaBravo]

Oh and @OP you get a brand new birth certificate and no record of the name change so you don't have to tell her at all.

[Confusedbeetle]

Just do it. My Mum changed mine when I was 6 months and I never knew until I was 18. Just a pity she didnt do it legally. However it made little odds. My birth certificate has the original name. Passport driving licence Bank account etc all new name and Marriage cert (just had a look to check) Hasn't been a problem for most of my 67 years. I think my parents must have thought they were royalty. Both my brothers are known by their middle names. I always found it slightly amusing. If left unchanged, on marriage I would have had the same name as OH sister. Have the name you want. From now, start calling her the new name to her and to all the family. It will attach to her very quickly

[Confusedbeetle]

This is why you should never tell anyone the name you are thinking of. Just tell them this is the name. If they don't like it, they get over it. Expectant Mums take note

[CauliflowerBalti]

When it comes to telling her, it’s not so different from the name she was nearly called. Because it will be the name she was nearly called. My mum nearly called me Ria. My sister was almost Holly. Your daughter was almost Leah... no biggie. Change it and move on. It sounds like you’re still struggling with some anxiety, so much love to you.

[michellebelle]

@pandarific don't know why this tickled me so much but I howled with laughter reading your response, thank you for that!

Thanks ladies, am feeling so much better. Guess I've read too many name remorse threads on the internet and they all make it out to sound like the apocalypse is coming :)

[michellebelle]

I've also been thinking, I've heard the story probably 10 times now of what my parents told me what they each wanted to call me, thank F they settled on Michelle lol. So perhaps my DD will someday appreciate my renewed sense of judgment regarding her name!

[buckeejit]

Dd will just think of it as a cool story someday & she can say I used to be Hannah but parents changed my name when asked for info about themselves as ice breakers 😂. I think you should add as many names as possible-wish I'd given ds 2 middle names.

Lastly, since it's worrying you so much & dh is onside could you ask him to complete the paperwork ASAP & you just have to counter sign. Might feel like you've less active involvement if you aren't doing all the admin & start calling her your preferred name straight away-you'll feel better. Good luck!

[TheChatsPyjamas]

Think of it this way - there’s a reason it’s free to change a name in the first year of life!

[Mightymousie]

Changed my daughters name when she was 9 months. Absolutely fine. Couple of family members moaned but within 3 weeks new name was in place and all was fine. Reregistered her birth and she’s now proud of 2 birth certificates 😜 she’s 10 and no regrets.
Just do it if you want to don’t overthink it.

[missymayhemsmum]

If regretting the name is getting in the way of your connection to your daugher then change her name. You can explain it as 'we liked the name Rachel but once we go to know DD she was more of a Mary'. Yes everyone will find it confusing and odd, yes they'll get over it.

[michellebelle]

Thanks again ladies for all of your help. Sounds like this really isn't a big deal. Still, I feel odd and embarrassed doing it. I perhaps feel like I'm changing my daughter's identity a bit! I'm going to talk to DH about it again this weekend. It just feels like a bit of a tough place to be in. Maybe I just need to do it and not think!

[michellebelle]

Don't know if anyone is still reading this, but I'm scheduled to get her re-registered next week. Thanks to all of you. If I hadn't reached out here and gotten all of these lovely replies, I probably would have been hemming and hawing about it until it was far too late. I imagined myself in my golden years looking back with decades of regret, wondering why I wasn't true to myself re: DD's name. And I thought well, I'll take a rough and awkward start over that.

I'm still feeling quite "omg" :s about it and I can't believe it happened... in a bit of a state of shock I suppose, but I'm trying not to beat myself up. I've imagined her as the new name... imagining pointing out animals to her at the zoo and calling out to her in the garden, saying "Night night, I love you ___", seeing her name on art projects, and it fills me with so much effortless and complete joy instead of a constant feeling of it being unnatural and "forcing it".

I hope my extended family understands, and most of all I hope she understands someday. Not looking forward to having family round soon and fielding questions about it, gawd facepalm. I only want the very best for her and I'm so sorry I didn't get it right the first time.

Thanks again loves. xx

[RedCabbageHowMuch]

Good for you OP, I'm really pleased you're going ahead with it. This time next year you'll look back on this and wonder what all the fuss about.

Come back and let us know how it goes

[MrsJayy]

Och that brought a tear to my eye enjoy her new name family will probably rib you about it for a little while but they will be fine.

[Quartz2208]

My mum had a name before I was born based on a song by her favourite artist. After my birth she had a rush of blood to the head and add an h to it to change the name. She had a christening plate done. 2 weeks later she removed the h and changed it back to her original thought. The plate with the wrong name is still up in her house - doesnt bother me at all. A few people have noticed its a slightly different name!