Strongly dislike DD's name and I want to change it. Am I horrible?

[michellebelle]

Oh joy. Another name remorse moan on this forum :( I am feeling a bit inspired to talk about this after seeing another mum post on here about her name dilemma.... really want someone to talk to, feeling very alone, just now started talking about this.

Well let me try to keep it short. Had a difficult time picking names during pregnancy. Was under a lot of stress with mental health, job loss issues, family problems, money problems, car quit, actually what wasn't a problem? Couldn't really think straight. We eventually picked together a short list of 4 names and waited. I had a clear favourite that just felt so sweet, but my mum put me off it and I had a wobble thinking "eh maybe she's right and it isn't DH's favourite, so he should have his first pick"

Horrendous idea. Registered her and immediately regretted it. I had left my stressful job and finally things were looking up and I could think straight again and realised "What the actual f**k was I thinking" and couldn't stop crying wishing she was the other name. Complete and utter feeling of desperation. Now each and every time someone says her name it just doesn't fit and it makes me cringe. I have absolutely no connection to this name, whereas the other one had special meaning and it just felt so calming and nice.

I thought perhaps this was PND so I've given it 12 weeks now and I still feel the same. I really wish it had been my favourite name. Everything else is great so I don't think it's anything PND related at all.

I've talked to my entire family about it, even my gran and she made a joke and said "I'd prefer you renamed her Millie (gran's name) but your choice is nice too. Now get it done" DH says he thinks it would be best as well given how strongly I feel about it.

I just feel so bad about it. I almost feel like DD's name is a lie now if that makes sense? And her first 3 months are a lie as well? I also feel bad that her birth record will need to be amended and she'll have the old name on the record. This bothers me to the core. It would be really helpful if you told me if I'm being silly or if this is OK to do. Have you known anyone who has done this or has disliked a child's name, what did they do and how did things turn out.

Thanks ladies.... xxx

Absolutely change it! They’re both lovely names but you can’t go through life feeling like that. I agree about leaving it as her middle name - even if you don’t love it, it will lessen the feeling of it being totally the wrong name!

DS1 didn’t have a name for 10 days, I changed DS2’s name after a week and I nearly changed DD when she was about 6?months. Luckily I didn’t - was going to call her Pepper instead, having had the boys a few years earlier I’d never heard of Peppa pig . Bullet dodged.

They all like the other names I’d chosen for them more than the one they eventually got, but I’ve said they can change them when they’re older!

Thank you all! You've all been really wonderful and reassuring. For some reason when I think about going down to the office to do it or to mail in the forms I stop myself and think "omg what am I doing"! I don't know how to switch off my brain and just say "do it". Working on it!

I've regretted my eldest child's name a little but it's more down to how popular it is. I liked the name as a teenager (20 years ago) it was a v old relatives name and I jokingly said I'd call my daughter that. So I (we) picked it without realising how popular it was.

As much as I cringe a little when I hear it or see it written down it is her name and it suits her. She gave herself a nickname once she started talking so we use that most of the time now anyway.

If you really hate the name though and your husband is in agreement changing it is easy. Better to do it now before nursery etc. There's no point in getting so stressed, just change it.

Years ago I knew a woman who picked out a name she'd liked for years for her first baby boy. Anyway, when the baby was born her husband was on the phone to all his family telling them the wrong name, no matter how often she told him the correct one. He was calling the baby Gregory, when his name was Jeffery. After a few days she changed it to Andrew because her husband seemed to remember that one better..

I know someone who changed their baby’s name after almost a year!

It wouldn’t make her first three months a lie. It’s just part of her story. And you can’t go through the rest of your life cringing at your daughter’s name. There’s no good reason not to change it, just go for it!

OP I have two friends who had been given different names at birth which were then changed.
One was only a small change, so think Lara to Laura and the other was to a completely different name.

They both occasionally mention it as a’fun fact’ about themselves.
They aren’t bothered and don’t see themselves as the wrong identity.

Just do it and put it behind you

Do it next week.

One of my good friends from school had her name changed at a few months old. She always thought it was quite a cool story - it certainly wasn't a big deal or anything negative. Do it!

Change it now, it will be more difficult and confusing for her if you leave it, as she will know her name as she gets older

I changed my DD's name at 3 months old. It was very very easy! Just call reg office and they will give you an appointment to update birth cert. £10 and job done! I started using her new name straightaway. Do it NOW before she gets much older, it's really straightforward! It's not worth this kind of stress at all. She's too young to know/care right now so just do it already! it's not the big deal people think.

Mine's 2 now and nobody remembers her old name, it's a long distant memory!

Oh and it doesn't make the first 3 months a lie! I kept a few bits with her old name on and will enjoy telling her the story one day but that's about it!

I would double barrel her name on birth certificate so "leah -hannah" and call her "Hannah" so you are not erasing the first given name and you won't feel guilty.

There's no need to do this ^^ at all!! There's NOTHING to feel guilty about and if the original name make you cringe then wtf would you keep it anywhere? I didn't keep my DD's original name. It was a complete new name.

Change it and think of the first name as her "holding name", that served its purpose in tiding you over until you made your decision.

My friend did. Had baby Thomas and then changed to William. William isn’t remotely arsed either which way

Ah don't beat yourself up; you made a mistake and now can easily sort it out. Go for it. Your lovely baby won't care either way now and will probably thank you in future, and you'll be much happier.

My PILs named DH after a fairly well-known ancestor. Well, they thought they did. It turned out they got it slightly wrong so it was a different name but only one letter different iyswim. They changed it to the ancestor's actual name when he was about a year old. It hasn't caused any issues :) If you feel this strongly you should definitely change it!

Just do it, and do it now. You've already thought and thought about it for three months. How would the regret be to live with over the next decades if you don't? Yes, the administrative side of it will be a bother for a little while but think of the mental bliss!

As far as explaining the name change to your daughter when she's older, it really shouldn't be an issue. Just be honest and straight: Your first name didn't feel right, and we always thought of you as this name. As long as you don't make it into a thing/something to be ashamed of, I really think everything will be fine.

Best of luck!

There is nothing to feel bad about, whatever you decide.

I think the extremity of your unhappiness about the name, about your own decisions, about the possibility of changing the name, speaks volumes about the stress and exhaustion of these early months with a child. Everything seems a hundred times worse than it is because you are low and tired.

I hope that when you are at an easier time of life you will feel that there is nothing AT ALL bad about the certificate showing an amended name (if that is what you decide), or about her having had a different name for three months.

Meanwhile, be kind to yourself, remind yourself that our naturally intense concern for our new babies (and the lack of sleep!) makes us prone to seeing disasters where none are present.

Thank you all! You've all been really wonderful and reassuring. For some reason when I think about going down to the office to do it or to mail in the forms I stop myself and think "omg what am I doing"! I don't know how to switch off my brain and just say "do it". Working on it

OP call the reg office today. They just sort out an appointment for you on the phone. It's a simple process, an amendment on the original certificate. They're used to it too, more common in babies under a year than people think. My appointment was 5 days after the call but I started using her new name as soon as I'd decided.

I did it! Changed name at about 5 months officially (but using new name for a month or two already). Family and friends at the time were positive and supportive, even 3 year old DD1 was fine with it.

She's 8 now and it is part of her story. She sometimes says she wishes she had the original name but still, no regrets here.

I added the new name to the beginning and kept the old one as a middle name. I'm glad I did this as she likes that it's part of her name, is part of the story and she sometimes incorporates it into her new name or uses it as a username so it's nice it's still there.

I say do it! You won't look back and I can guarantee in 8 years you'll be nothing but glad!

My youngest started off as Henry for the first 3 weeks. All his cards, gifts etc say Henry. But I just wasn't feeling it. Henry to me is a serious name and my baby was bald and round and smiley and deffo not a Henry. So he became Harry right at the last minute, like on the last day he could be registered. Everyone got used to the new name within days and it's never been mentioned again.

Think of it this way. You've got X amount of angst about this right now. Imagine the amount of angst you'll have if you DONT go and change her name!!? Just do it now.

Don’t feel guilty, just simply do it. It will feel like a weight is lifted.

Maybe you have lost a bit of confidence in your decision making. But trust your instincts on this, especially as your Dh is onside. You don’t want to feel a pang of regret every time you hear your dds name

As one of life’s over thinkers I empathise and can sense you are overthinking this. Overthinking things just ties me in knots sometimes and just complicates things. It really is ok to change your mind sometimes.

Just get on and do it before she understands and gets used to the first name. You’ll all laugh at the quirky name hiccup one day (if indeed anyone even remembers it).

Dd is sure to love the story of how she got her name

My son had a different name up to the registering. I had his original name planned and it went well with his brothers name. All good.
However, when he arrived it didn't suit him at all.
I had a very strong feeling about it and really had to have a word with myself. Was is post baby craziness or instinct?
I went with the change, supported by all. And now it's a funny story he tells his friends. I have the cards welcoming 'Sam' into the family and his hospital band which he likes to look at now and again.
I have absolutely no regrets. It's now part of the fabric of our family.
What I would regret always is not listening to my strong inner voice.
I wish you well op.

My parents changed my name when I was two, to a name of my choosing. Apparently I was not fond of the old one!

It has honestly never bothered me to know that I had a ‘different’ name before, either in an emotional or a practical sense. Do change it. She is still so small.

I guess if you have never heard of anyone changing a baby's name before it must seem like a strange thing to do but the law in the UK makes provision for you to change your mind. The law exists because people change their minds in the aftermath of having a baby. Don't be embarrassed or upset about it. Just do it.