Strongly dislike DD's name and I want to change it. Am I horrible?

[michellebelle]

Oh joy. Another name remorse moan on this forum :( I am feeling a bit inspired to talk about this after seeing another mum post on here about her name dilemma.... really want someone to talk to, feeling very alone, just now started talking about this.

Well let me try to keep it short. Had a difficult time picking names during pregnancy. Was under a lot of stress with mental health, job loss issues, family problems, money problems, car quit, actually what wasn't a problem? Couldn't really think straight. We eventually picked together a short list of 4 names and waited. I had a clear favourite that just felt so sweet, but my mum put me off it and I had a wobble thinking "eh maybe she's right and it isn't DH's favourite, so he should have his first pick"

Horrendous idea. Registered her and immediately regretted it. I had left my stressful job and finally things were looking up and I could think straight again and realised "What the actual f**k was I thinking" and couldn't stop crying wishing she was the other name. Complete and utter feeling of desperation. Now each and every time someone says her name it just doesn't fit and it makes me cringe. I have absolutely no connection to this name, whereas the other one had special meaning and it just felt so calming and nice.

I thought perhaps this was PND so I've given it 12 weeks now and I still feel the same. I really wish it had been my favourite name. Everything else is great so I don't think it's anything PND related at all.

I've talked to my entire family about it, even my gran and she made a joke and said "I'd prefer you renamed her Millie (gran's name) but your choice is nice too. Now get it done" DH says he thinks it would be best as well given how strongly I feel about it.

I just feel so bad about it. I almost feel like DD's name is a lie now if that makes sense? And her first 3 months are a lie as well? I also feel bad that her birth record will need to be amended and she'll have the old name on the record. This bothers me to the core. It would be really helpful if you told me if I'm being silly or if this is OK to do. Have you known anyone who has done this or has disliked a child's name, what did they do and how did things turn out.

Thanks ladies.... xxx

Random comment but Billie Piper’s name was changed when she was a baby, maybe 7 months old? It doesn’t seem to have been an issue for her

If your DH is on side then go ahead and do it. Don’t overthink it

I would double barrel her name on birth certificate so "leah -hannah" and call her "Hannah" so you are not erasing the first given name and you won't feel guilty.

Just pick yourself up and DO IT. In short order no one will even remember you changed her name, and your daughter will certainly never remember! If this is causing you so much angst and your lovely husband supports it, just do it as soon as possible. You'll be very happy you did. In the grand scheme of life this is just a tiny blip on the radar of life.

My cousin did this. Baby was born, announced as firstname secondname. In Christmas card (about 5 months later) we had a message to say actually it was going to be secondname firstname. Child is now 3 and I had genuinely forgotten it happened until I read your post.

You wont realise now but you are probably still feeling a bit loopy from all the hormones which is what is making you feel so guilty and stressed about this dilemma. You will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about, and it will probably end up being one of those funny family stories.
If it will make you feel happier and closer to her just go for it.

Thanks again all. Yeah, I'm feeling really guilty about it! I don't know why? Honestly all my DD does now is make noise and blow bubbles, doubt she even knows what a human is at this point no less what a name is!

I appreciate the suggestions of adding a name or double-barreling it! Unfortunately I think it's going to need to be a clean break or no change. It's gotten to the point where the current name has caused me so much agony and pain that I don't know if I want to be reminded of it still each time I see my DD cringe

Most Hebrew names are lovely anyway.

Spamfritters I prefer Ruth to Esther.

Just change it OP

She’s (baby is) only 12 weeks old - she won’t have any attachment to the name she officially has right now....change it!!! No drama!!

I haven't done it myself OP but I do know that things like this, where you fear what people will think/say or how it will work out, are much easier if you just face it head-on, don't be apologetic, and brazen it out. Both for yourself and in relation to anyone who asks.

You made a mistake - accept that and move on, it's easily done in the post-birth fog and exhaustion and when people are putting pressure on you, so it's not a big deal. (I still regret my DC surnames, though that's another story, but I know with DC1 I would have been able to trust my own judgement and what I wanted more, if I hadn't been so tired and hormonal.)

Then change it, tell everyone as openly and matter-of-factly as you can, send a mass email, change it at the GP's, anywhere else that matters and have a celebration with a cake with the new name on it, and go from there.

If anyone questions it just tell them straight up in a positive way: "This was the name I really wanted and I let myself be swayed by something I shouldn't have. We've made the decision to change it now before she's old enough to be bothered, I'm so glad she's XXXX after all!"

Also I know that her name really matters and I understand that, but it isn't everything about her - she's still your baby, she's still her, it doesn't negate her first 3 months at all.

BTW if it helps, my sister changed my nieces name 3 times in 6 weeks (not registered though).

We don't even remember the old ones now!

Why do you need to formally change her name, just start calling her the name you like? My name has so many variations, I get called about 3 different names by different people!

Hi op, I do know a couple who did this, I think their daughter was 5 or 6m old at the time. She’s about 21 now and knows it was changed, I think they said something along the lines of “Mum and Dad made a mistake and picked something that didn’t suit you, so we changed it to the lovely name you have now” 🙂

@Wdigin2this Just because I feel that it will cause an administrative nightmare in the future. She's "Leah" now and I want her to be "Hannah" so on everything like her passport, bank statements, marriage certificate, etc. she'd be "Leah" when she's been known as "Hannah". I don't want to do that to DD - I'd change it officially.

I know someone who did this with their DS, OP, when he was older than your DD - and they didn't look back. As your DH and family are happy to change it too, I would do it (though not double-barrelled...!)

There's no debate here- you are all in agreement in your family and you should just crack on and change it. Give her the name you love and move on from this, it's really not a biggie.

I posted my story on the last thread like this. My mother went off my name because someone moved in next door with a child with the same name, & my mother just didn't like the way they said it

I was about 18 months old at the time but apparently wasn't phased. I had 2 names (another one of which she didn't like either - ancient aunt's name - families, eh?) & they added the new name to the registration but ON THE END. Crackers.

Anyway years down the line it matters not. For about 20 years my name was A B C, known as C. Then when I was getting a driving licence or passport or something I applied in the name C A, dropping B (the ancient aunt) altogether, & it was no problem - although it's possible with security issues nowadays that a birth certificate would have to properly match the name being applied for.

If it's easy to change the registration altogether at this stage, dropping the original name, then do it

(I also know someone who has changed 2 of her children's names, more than once for one of them, & it hasn't mattered to any of them. Your DD will probably think it's funny when she's older!)

Don’t go beating yourself up. Just do it. She will understand when she grows up, and will know that you cared so much. X

No one has used my actual name since I was about a year old, I don't remember being known as my birth name and it doesn't bother me, I would make sure she knows when shes older though, my parents never kept it secret as such but never thought to mention it until one of my great aunts asked whatever happened to 'old name' when I was about 12 (her mind had started to go) and after my parents explained it was me I did convince myself I was adopted for a while - only a week or so but I was properly dramatic over it

Oh yes, do it, properly.

Sounds like you had the usual 'last few weeks of pregnancy name madness' but had it just after the birth instead.

Great that your head has cleared, you're feeling better and you know who you and she really are.

oops, for phased read fazed (I'm always getting that wrong!)

A colleague did it. She has no regrets and is quite open about it. You're massively over thinking this. Get on, do it and put it behind you xx

You can have more than one middle name (I have two) so you could keep current first and middle names but then both become middle names, with your chosen preferred first name at the front.

Agree, you're over thinking this. In the Big Picture, you possibly can't imagine how little this matters.

I completely misnamed my DSs. They're now 17/19. It doesn't matter! Yes, they both have apostle first names, unlike anyone else in the family's; DS1 has my grandad's first name as his middle name, but subsequent events have caused me to not be 100% on board with this... 🙄😊, DS2 would have the other grandad's name as a middle-name, had MIL not tried to be so controlling to the extent I wouldn't countenance it (not that DH suggested it, I should add), so his middle name is completely random. to the extent he initially misspelled it on his UCAS application...🙄

This stuff doesn't matter.

It is entirely up to you and your DD simply won't remember. I wanted to call my now adult daughter Alicia after my Grandmother, but DH didn't like this. My GM was known to her family as Li, so only her husband ever really used Alicia after they were married.

I wanted to call my son Niall, but DH didn't like this either, so we settled on names we both liked and our choices were fine.

Later Alicia became fashionable again and DD said she would have loved this name. I really hope she may use it for a future GC, but it is entirely up to her. Her current partner's GM was called Olga, she recently passed on and is well thought of, so I would not be entirely surprised if this name was suggested. Up to the parents totally.