AIBU?
Dp saying horrible things in the guise of a joke
Namechange1988 · 24/10/2018 21:38
Name change for this.
Dp has recently started being really nasty but then saying he's joking or just making rude comments in jest. Now I'm all for banter, not overly sensitive but for example we were laying down together and he came out with "when I first met you, you was sooo skinny, cute and innocent but now look at you" now don't get me wrong, I've gained weight not much but it's noticeable. I just kind of laughed it off and joked back that he was no longer a work of art himself but it really got me thinking about all the other stuff he says. Taking the piss out of my boobs as they're really saggy for my age (early 20s), will look at me and count my spots out loud 
and tell me how hairy my face is as I suffer with PCOS. The worst I've ever called him is the Michelin man because he's rather large, but I'd never dig at things I know he's desperately anxious about (man boobs, hair thinking etc)
I really don't know what to make from it all, I suffer with aspergers so struggling a little bit, not sure if I'm being too sensitive or if he is actually just being a bully.
troodiedoo · 24/10/2018 21:41
Yeah he's being an arsehole. Tell him it's upsetting and you would like him to stop making nasty comments.
Anything less than a sincere apology and promise to stop it, ditch him.
Cranky17 · 24/10/2018 21:41
Wow he’s a keeper!
Leave him, at best he’s unkind and unthinking at worst he’s abusive
Verbena87 · 24/10/2018 21:42
Even if he’s not deliberately being a bully, once he knows you don’t like it he should stop. To continue after you’ve asked him to stop is bullying, and disrespectful. He doesn’t get to decide how ‘jokes’ make you feel.
TheVanguardSix · 24/10/2018 21:43
You’re not overly sensitive in the least. He’s tearing you down slowly and you’ll just end up with zero self esteem. I really wouldn’t assume he’ll change or become kinder. I’d think about not spending years with such a person. I hate criticism in the guise of banter.
NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 24/10/2018 21:44
First thing first, if you laugh it off you are not showing him where your boundaries are.
Don’t be afraid of calling him off on his behaviour. There is nothing wrong with saying “I do resent that comment”
If he insists you are too sensitive, just ask him out right if he would be happy if you keep making fun of his man’s boobs or making jokes about his weight, (I’m sure he will say he doesn’t care but deep down, he will, hopefully that may help him to understand how you feel)
Shoxfordian · 24/10/2018 21:44
He's being quite unkind
Its not a joke if you don't think it's funny
missyB1 · 24/10/2018 21:44
But he’s not joking he’s being spiteful. I agree with others get rid of this prick, you don’t need people in your life that talk to you like that.
donajimena · 24/10/2018 21:44
Have you heard of negging? That's what he's doing. I agree. Get rid.
Lookatyourwatchnow · 24/10/2018 21:44
He's negging you. I would bet that you are absolutely miles out of his league in every way and that he just wants to reign you in.
AtrociousCircumstance · 24/10/2018 21:47
You’d be a complete idiot not to dump him.
Your choice.
Maelstrop · 24/10/2018 21:49
Can you imagine him speaking to children like this and completely zapping their confidence? Have you tried asking him how he’d feel if you ranted about his man boobs? Might make him stop and think.
Namechange1988 · 24/10/2018 21:50
Ive never heard of negging before but it seems like he could be doing something along them lines. For reference he used to be very fit, body builder style body and had alot of attention until he had an accident which meant he could no longer train the way he used to, causing him to gain alot of weight but sometimes he forgets he's not the "perfect macho man" any more. I've told him about PCOS and how it affects skin, weight gain and hair growth but in his mind it's a simple as hair removal, good skincare and dieting! It hurts as this has only begun within the past 3 months, we've been together nearly 4 years. I'm completely confused 
Jayfee · 24/10/2018 21:51
Make him aware of how upsetting his comments are. I would advise talking later when you are not upset. If he doesn't change his ways, then you need to think about moving on.
sourpatchkid · 24/10/2018 21:51
I think this is emotional abuse. I would tell him directly to stop immediately or you will leave him. And if he doesn't stop then leave. He's being very cruel and he knows it
Namechange1988 · 24/10/2018 21:52
@maelstrom that has really given me food for thought.
DiamondsInTheMud · 24/10/2018 21:52
My ex used to regularly make 'jokes' about how he would never marry me, despite knowing it was something i wanted. If i ever said that it wasnt funny, he would ger annoyed with me for overreacting about a harmless joke. Hes an ex for a reason.
MajorArcana · 24/10/2018 21:54
I wouldn't put up with that even if he were Brad Pitt himself.
If you can be bothered trying to get him to stop I would say ''ouch'' every time he is mean, followed by a pause and maybe ''I would feel even more self-conscious about my weight if you weren't also over weight''.
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