Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

Grabs popcorn

Yeah, this is one's going to run & run. I bet this is just the start of the brazen CF-ery from the cleaner

Sorry just got to your last message on page 1 where you say you have been tutoring the cleaner's daughter for free for over 6 months. I am afraid that this IS the approach that breeds bad attitude. She does not respect you or value your time because you are willing to give it for free, no strings attached, and you are happy even to sit and wait for her when she is late and give her extra time when she is the one at fault. No, no, no.

This is the lesson I have learnt as a self-employed tutor. Do not let people walk over yourself. Contrary to your idea of keeping them sweet, they will lose any respect for you. And consequently, they will start taking the micky more and more. As much as you will tolerate, in fact.

So, start as you mean to go on. The more you value and respect yourself, the more other people will do, too.

I am absolutely livid on your behalf.

Presumably you pay her for her services so she should pay you for yours. A friend of mine is tutoring ds1 at the moment and I pay her the same as she charges anyone.

Pass the popcorn, somebody ...

Oh dear, you've been far too generous with this CF.

People like her who take take take with no give are not nice people and her curt response with no good grace just confirms what a horrible person she is.

I'm afraid this probably will affect her service and if I were you I'd cut it now or pretty soon. She'll probably feel you owe her something, people like her always do.

I hope face to face with her this afternoon goes better than the text went. Good luck!

I see her arrival time is near.....the blunt reply may be because she was shocked to discover that the gravy train was grinding to a halt.
If she's had time since sending that reply, with her texting sessions, to ask around her mates and find out what a bargain she could be getting with your "time in lieu" offer, she may be more apologetic when face to face. Factor in that, being half-term, she was getting childcare for an hour. (Once had a mummy after leaving a batch of three to have lessons one at a time, so the other two were effectively minded by me while one was being taught. Er, no)
Alternatively, is she a mumsnetter, aware of that well-known phrase "'No' is a complete answer"!.........
Whatever, the relationship is never going to be quite the same, is it? Even "Thanks but no thanks" would have been reasonable.
She is aware of her value as a cleaner; she should appreciate yours as a teacher.

Yes, she is. I'd say "hi I've given your dd the 6/12/20 - (how many sessions you've had) amount of lessons I've had the time to do, you need to work on blah, blah, blah at home. She's a lovely girl. If she works hard on these areas, I would expect her to progress well".

You really should work on saying no. It's taken me years, but I'm brilliant at it now.

Just read through the thread. Oh my, what a dilemma but glad to read you’ve text. Such a CF reply. Let’s hope it was a case of a very quick reply - without thought - and she comes in with more to say.

I understand your feelings about the trust, thinking she might feel aggrieved (although she has no reason to). Likely best not to mix business/pleasure or as one person put it, business/business.

I have my own business. I once had a hair dressers in asking for a discount. I did give one, in exchange for a wash/cut/blow dry. It was equivalent to same amount of time for each of us. I don’t make it a practise though.

She hasn't arrived yet.... (25 mins late!!!)

Oh she has sacked you then

Haha oh my lord! She’s sacked you! It’s your lack of charisma and disorganisation !

Probably she's either late to "teach you a lesson" or not coming at all ... after all she'll find plenty of cleaning jobs, though there won't be many where tutoring's included

I guess no good deed goes unpunished, but you'd almost certainly have needed another cleaner after this, so maybe it's easier in the end and saves you any angst over the decision

Sad that she prioritised playing with her phone over her daughter's education.

I’m absolutely gobsmacked over this

Ok so she arrived... and it did NOT go well. Brace yourselves this may take a while...

I wonder if her daughter knows that she is a cleaner. It would be one explanation why she wouldn't want to clean while her DD is around.

Oh blast - I was hoping she'd save you the trouble by not coming at all

Oh no!! My first time reading something in real time here. Waiting with baited breath.

Oh no! Sorry to hear that op. Bracing myself.

Stay strong!

.... the suspense is killing me!

Eeeeeek

Come on OP! The suspense is killing me! Cheeky Fuckery first class honours I fear.

Hurry hurry! I can't hold my breath for much longer

Sooooooooooo.... I’m doing this in two parts it’s a long one! To start off with she was over half an hour late - perhaps hoping that i’d be out by the time she rocked up. She managed a cursory hello before pushing past me into the house with no apology for being late, and very, VERY obviously in possession of a sturdy hump. I offered her a tea. She said no in a very clipped way - no eye contact this whole time. It was my lily livered instinct to start with an apology but i steeled myself and said ‘So do you feel mini cleaner is all caught up with her maths now then?’ She turned to me - now with a full eye lock and said ’No i don’t. But if you don’t want to help her anymore what can I do?’. I took a deep breath and said - actually, like i said, I would have been happy to continue to help but my time is really limited so i’d either need to charge like i would normally - like she does for the time she spends helping me - or if that would be tricky - I’d be happy to help for a hour in exchange for an extra hours cleaning. She snorted and said - well not everyone has that kind of money.....

Get your keys back!!!!

(As we wait for full update. Thought that might be useful!)