Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

Aw hazy I did not mean that by agreeing I just meant that this issue could be about cleaners but also take place within any industry where there are humans (and unhinged people within)

I do think the pp meant that too.

In any case you have been more than kind to 'that person' and she needs to do a fair bit of work on her attitude to others!

I'm fully on your team OP.

Oh OP what a horrible day you deserve a nice glass of something.

I just read the whole thread in one go. What strikes me is that it became all about money etc but really it started with the lateness and you feeling taken for granted. I wonder if she thought you were doing it for free out of concern for her dd and so sees this as an about-turn. I don't understand why she didn't show any appreciation other than that maybe if she thought it was a favour from you to her daughter not her why would she need to feel grateful.

It all sounds like my worst nightmare I think you've been really brave and assertive

Ok thanks Dangly - I think I'm a bit jumpy and worn out and hyper aware of people thinking I'm a shitty human being after the events of today. The doorbell has rung twice the past hour and I've felt scared answering the door each time. This is so rubbish.

I think you handed the whole situation really well OP. I bet the story she tells others will be different to the truth somehow.

hellojim you are quite correct. There are some fantastic people out there that work hard and do a wonderful job and my neighbours seem to have them all!

Thank you fluffycat. I've got a very large glass of wine on the go.

I'm not pulling you to pieces, I have been supportive of you on this. I just didn't think that Rogueone's account in particular was that relevant to the thread. I hope you find a lovely cleaner in the future

Hellojim my point was that the OP got herself in a situation that she found difficult to deal with due to boundaries being blurred. Hence my account of what happened to me..... not sure why me adding my own experience wasn’t helpful

Yes sorry hellojim I didn't mean to snap. Just in a thoroughly bad mood! . Thank you for your support x

You did right hazy and if this gets any more sinister we are here.

I hope nothing else will happen and that will be a end to it, You have been very kind. If she does not go away we are here.

What a horrible day you've had. And to cap it all you're now cleaner-less.

If you're in South East London (Lewisham, Eltham, Bromley etc), I can recommend a fantastic agency. I don't work for them and don't even live in the area any more, but I've never found a cleaner to the same standard since we moved away. Drop me a pm if you want details.

Bloody hell - she sounds unhinged!

Wow, she’s a nasty piece of work isn’t she? Just move on quickly and try not to feel too bad

What a horrible day, OP - not only have you lost a very good cleaning lady (here in the Gulf the ladies who clean houses get very offended if you don't call them housemaids or maids, but that's a different thing altogether), but you have lost 6 lessons' worth of fees, given out of the goodness of your heart in time you could ill-afford. I agree with those who think this is a kind of jealousy on the part of your former cleaning lady. I hope you manage to find another good cleaning lady who is not as unpleasant a character as this one.

@hazykates I had bad luck with cleaners,

one who was just bad
one who was great but left to have a baby and didn't return
another who was bad
then to top it all
one who attempted to steal my DH (who fortunately was having none of it)

I now use an agency, and pay a bit over the odds, but I can get rid of them without speaking to them if necessary.

When they leave/have holidays/babies etc etc they get temporarily replaced.

It's run like a business and I don't have to manage or deal with it.

OP I can’t believe the stupidity and bad grace of this person who doesn’t understand that her daughter isn’t your responsibility. Jeez.

Look at it this way: you're now free of a negative unpleasant person who was in your life. You’re ahead.

I have been following your thread OP and just wanted to say how well I think you handled this. I dont think you had any other option bar just putting up with it and giving your time for free. She didnt, so why should you?! As a PP said this is a clear case of "no good deed goes unpunished" x

Well done, OP!

@hazykates

Haven't read the last few pages but you said that your cleaner was half an hour late.

Change your locks NOW! I know it's expensive but she obviously knew how it was going to go and could have spent that half hour getting copies of your keys cut.

She's shown you her true colours so much better to be safe and also know that you are safe in your own home.

,

'Fuck off. Minicleaner is crying. Says shes gonna get bullied now. How you sleep at night? Fucking cow.'

Wow, she's breathtakingly dense isn't she?

I actually think she has a major chip on her shoulder about herself being your cleaner and probably enjoyed the feeling of you working for her while she put her feet up texting knowing full well she could have been cleaning instead.

I think it's been all about power to her. Greed and power.

People on here becoming irate about 'class', but really, this woman has shown she has no class whatsoever. Just a massive chip on her shoulder.

That was an unhinged text, I can't believe she sent that. If I was to reply at all it'd probably be along the lines of "Don't worry, I'll explain to mini when I see her that her mummy didn't want to clean while she was being tutored and its unfair to take advantage of kind people."

OP - go to a cleaning agency. Then if the cleaner isn’t a good fit for you they can send someone different. So sorry it’s all turned out so badly

Morning all - thank you for all of your kind words last night - they (and the wine) helped calm me down. I’m afraid it’s not the end of the saga though. And again - THANK YOU to those who told me to change my locks. My little boy (5) ran downstairs first this morning and started laughing (thankfully) and shouting ‘mummy someone’s does a poo on our floor’…. so yes - someone - and i can only think it MUST be her (it’s just too big a coincidence surely) posted a load of dog poo through our letter box (she has a dog…). It was enmeshed in out hall carpet and all over the inside of the letter box. So I’ve been through the full raft of emotions since 7am - total fucking fury, shaking anxiety, and lots of tears. It just feels like such a violation. I’ve calmed down a bit now and trying to work out what to do

My husband wants to call the police - which i kind of do too - but I don’t know how much real good that will do… There’s no actual proof it was her, so they wouldn’t be able to do anything other than make her feel uncomfortable. She’s obviously got some serious issues - so if I poke her anymore I dread to think what she might do next. And I just keep thinking about her poor children. I can’t actually believe this is happening. And then I take a step back and think i’m massively overreacting and just ignore it and get on with my life. Any advice, or anyone who’s had any experience dealing with someone similarly unhinged ?

Police?

I’m not surprised! Sorry that’s not helpful!! I might notify the police, so it’s logged at least. It might take a word from them to scare her into backing off. You don’t deserve this. I hope your partner is around and hopefully now he realises you wasn’t being ridiculous to change the locks 💐