Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

Oh if DP is a builder, definitely a no-brainer in changing the locks. I was thinking it might be an unnecessary expense, but yes do change them then as cost is minimal.

I wouldn’t want to start publicly posting against her on a Facebook group, no. If it was a friend that you could have a quiet word with, then I probably would. They wouldn’t need to sack her, just to be mindful.

I carry a mini sewing kit around with me, mainly to fix GCs toys!

I had taken them to a play gym that had a lot of dressing up costumes and they had brought me a couple to sew up the holes, which I did easily!

The owner, on seeing I had done that said
'Great! I have a pile of them needing repairs, can you do them next time?'
I said,
'Yup, no problem and my GCs will get a free play!'
She looked at me astonished and said,
'I cant do that its my business!'

I just looked back at her, and l said nothing other than to get GC ready to go!

It was a long time before we went back there!

Minicleaner is just shorthand for 'the daughter of the cleaner' in te same way that talking about ds would be miniCider (even tho he's 19 and taller than me) - I'd also talk about CiderDog, and CiderSpider if I had one.

I don’t think anyone was using ‘minicleaner’ as a derogatory thing. A lot of people on here refer to their kids as mini something, like I could refer to one of my kids as ‘miniolga’

Op she sounds genuinely nuts. I’d change your locks and don’t give it any more of your time or energy

Blimey @ChestOfTheKillingFields these cfs are everywhere!

OP - looks like you’re well rid of her. With her reaction, being half hour late (so you also don’t know if she were piss taking when you weren’t home), the various texts and how you say she told of events that she were always the victim- all goes towards validating you’re right to have called it quits on not only the tutoring but also continuing to have her services as a “cleaning professional”

Sounds like a nutcase and you're well rid. She was annoyed that you charge £45 an hour and she earns £12.50 an hour and clearly didn't understand the arrangement you suggested or found it patronising.

6 free lessons?! How can she not see you did her a favour? She sounds like a right CF.

Wow! What an update.
You dealt with it very well op.
It’s good that you’ve blocked her.
Change the locks and leave it at that.

Loving the conversation re cleaner and minicleaner. Like shithead and minishithead would be insulting but cleaner and minicleaner .

And dont let your dP minimise or laugh-off this, OP. The cleaner does sound a little 'angry' and changing the locks is always a good idea. And doesn't take long, or cost much, but NOT doing it could cost a lot.

I hope the cleaner stays well away from you.

6 free lessons?! How can she not see you did her a favour? She sounds like a right CF.

The most demanding clients are the ones who don’t pay!

So sorry you’ve had this experience, OP, and agree with others that you’ve handled it perfectly. Yes, it’s sad about the little girl, but her main problem in life is her mother, not you not tutoring her any more.

Pour yourself a nice drink, reclaim your time (your working time, your ‘you’ time and your family time, the most important things) and try to stop fretting. You are a lovely person and this CF saw you coming. All the best.

Minicleaning can choose her own path 😂😂 for fuck sake 😂😂

You were right to block her, I'd have been tempted to reply again but honestly you may as well go out the back and bang your head off the wall for all the good it would do. She's right in her head shes not and she won't be convinced otherwise

She's always been very much the victim in stories etc she's told me

You don't say In a way it's a shame you engaged with someone like this again, but anyway you've blocked her now, which sounds like a sensible thing to do

Forget her, OP - you really don't need this kind of nonsense in your life

Please, please send the reply Hellsbellsmelons drafted.

hellsbellsmelons consistently suggests excellent replies!

I’d have sent hells bells message too. I honestly don’t think she’s thought it all through and it is totally HER responsibility that you are not now tutoring her child, she’s just deflecting the blame for screwing up.
I have literally just changed my locks for a slightly similar situation, £100 for peace of mind was little to pay to be honest.
You did absolutely nothing wrong.

hazy the child's welfare is NOBODY else's responsibility except her own!

Not yours at all, you have been very kind and SHE ruined it.

You were a paying client of hers and she was there to make you feel better about your life! That is what cleaning services are all about, making your feel better not worse!! It's business but a highly personal service, we are allowed into clients homes with a key, we touch and see their private things and we need to have a full RESPECT of the responsibility involved and take full responsibility for any breakage and any dissatisfaction/issues.

Otherwise we should not take their money!! Simple as that!

You are NOT responsible for anything other than payment to her. SHE is responsible for her child, and has let her down with her own bad behaviour.

Sorry for shouty capitals but I want you to know you are not to blame for anything here and you did more than the right thing for her and her DC.

I feel very annoyed about what this cleaner did, it lowers the perception of us all as an industry and this is just one individual with extreme issues.

You are in the absolute right here hazy.

I had a cleaner for over ten years. Paid her 52 weeks a year and she had 6 weeks holiday. Never got her to take anytime off when we were on holiday and she would come in when we were away and feed our rabbits and clean areas she doesn’t usually do. She was clumsy, broke our bang and olfsen phone, broke a lampshade and broke a picture frame but would never say anything, it would be left out for us to see. If I was in she would apologise for it. She took short notice time off when she felt like it and once I came home and couldn’t find my hoover. She had taken it home! She started turning up to our house later and later as she had taken on other work and we were not her priority. She started turning up when the kids were getting ready to go to school when she was due to arrive at 10 and I was becoming irritated and then what happened with us is that we were getting work done to the house and she wouldn’t be able to work as the stairs were getting redone. Told her she would need to take the day off and possibly two days (she came in twice a week) as she wouldn’t be able to work. She sent a text saying I was stopping her from working so she wouldn’t be taking it as leave and wanted paid. Payment wasn’t the issue as she was paid 52 weeks of the year but I wasn’t paying her for not actually doing any work and not taking leave. It was the first time in ten years I had asked her to take some time off and she flipped out and we had to take the keys off her and ask her to leave. She maintained that I was being unreasonable even though I suggested that she make the days up if she didn’t want leave.... boundaries had becomes blurred and I haven’t had one since!

Gosh that would have shaken me up too op! It's very clear from her further communication that she's unhinged. Glad you've blocked her and are changing the locks. Completely blank and walk the other way if you see her around!

Rogueone that sounds like a rotten experience! You were more patient than me with clumsiness! Someone who used to clean for me broke something close to every week - and again would never tell me about it! The worst was when I got home to find an inside pane of double glazing totally smashed. The outside was entirely in tact but the inside was broken. The glass had been cleared away, and some bigger shards slotted in the space between the panes. No message or anything about it - and she had been the only person in the house all day... I texted her and she denied any knowledge. It cost over £200 to repair  Like I said - I've had rubbish luck with finding a cleaner. I think my trust is now totally in tatters.

hazykates funny thing is I am not known to be a push over and I am tough in other aspects of life so I was annoyed at myself for not dealing with it earlier. It was quite sad and in truth she was a nice woman but she truly thought we were being unreasonable and even after handing over the keys sent a text to my other half a few days later telling that she had changed her mind and would be back on the Friday! Eh nope that would be up to me to change my mind!

Rogueone and hazykatesI don't think that this was a "cleaner" issue was it? She is a cheeky woman that you could come across in any walk of life. And from what you have said the problem has arisen over the tuition, I take it that there were no warning signs from her standard of work.

hellojim I could not agree with you more!

Oh crap - you can't say a thing on here without someone jumping on it and pulling it to pieces. I am not saying it's a cleaner issue I'm saying that everyone I've trusted with access to my house and belongings and employed to help me with housework has let me down in some way. I was sharing a similar experience with Rogueone. In no way do I think it's a cleaner issue, I think I've had exceptionally bad luck which has really put me off trying again with someone new.