Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

Oh god she's replied again - it's pretty horrid! I'm seriously doubting my judgment of character now
'Fuck off. Minicleaner is crying. Says shes gonna get bullied now. How you sleep at night? Fucking cow.'

Seriously - this woman had keys to my house and was here every week for hours by herself. Feel so sick about it all.

Well, that escalated quickly.

Oh FFS she sounds actually stark raving mad! I’m actually sitting here like ....

Delete block and, yes, change your locks.

She is obviously unhinged. Block her now, there is clearly no reasoning with this imbecile. I doubt very much that the kid is crying, probably glad she doesn't have to do extra homework every week!

Block block block!

I've blocked her.

Just reply 'fucking freeloader expecting something for nothing' and block.

Good plan. She sounds unhinged. There was literally no need for any of this, and it is all her doing.

Wow extreme CFuckery!!!

And very unprofessional behaviour! That does not sound like ANY of the cleaners I know, who are running a legit business and bending over backwards to see their clients feel comfortable with their services.

You were very kind hazy and she took the royal piss! You did a great job managing her and that was difficult!

We have a cleaning company (and are still cleaners ourselves now and again as we all muck in) and so, to the poster who was saying that 'minicleaner' is shaming. I can honestly say that both of us and our 15 staff are all very proud of what we do, talk about it a lot, and love making homes beautiful for clients. We feel their full appreciation of our clients every single day and I cannot for the life of me figure out where the stigma is from. yeah you get the odd rude client but you get that in any business.

I used to be a solo domestic cleaner and felt proud of my work and well-paid for it even back then. There was always far more of a 'stigma' about me doing bar work (which I don't get either but back then it did exist, no idea if it does now, not done bar work since the 90's)

Anyway cleaners who are running a legit business are in most cases proud of their job because the vast majority of clients appreciate the work that the do for them and treat us as kind friends. I also used to be a secretary and I never ever got the same kind of appreciation doing that job I can tell you!

I am a cleaner and not bothered if my children are 'minicleaners', it's a rather good thing to be IMO.

She is definitely hard of understanding! If her daughter is crying it is because she liked the lessons, they were giving her much needed knowledge and confidence and now her mum has ruined it. The mother is one of those people who have to blame someone else when she mucks things up, guaranteed that she has done similar things before now, probably blaming the daughter even. She will of course, have told her daughter a pack of lies. That you demanded backdated payment for the lessons so far, that gives her a reason to have "walked out" today. That you wanted £45 going forward etc etc. Sending you flowers, cake and wine because when someone shows their true colours like this, it is a complete shock.

Hear hear Dangly! The posters who have objected to the term cleaner or minicleaner surely have their own issues! For clarification - it wasn't an assumption that she didn't have much money based on her job choice - it was through my conversations with her (I know a LOT about her life - in hindsight far more than I should which should maybe have alerted me to her batshit status!)

I do feel awful for the little girl. She's a shy under confident little thing - and I could tell I was really helping her. God knows what it's like in that household!

I've blocked her

Next development: she turns up at your door ...

God knows what it's like in that household!

Gosh yes, one can barely begin to imagine.

SheCame - don't say that - she only lives a few streets away. I've never actually seen her out and about but now of course I'm bound to run into her all the time

I'm really trying hard to figure out why she thinks she has been wronged. But, no matter how I look at it, I can't reconcile her response with what actually happened.

How can she possibly believe that she has been wronged or asked for anything extravagant.

She got 6 free lessons to get her daughter up to speed. And has then been asked to do a skill swap rather than pay for tutoring. And her response is swearing, name calling and a general vile attitude towards you. I just can't figure out where she thinks you've mistreated her...

Woah her language, and after all you’ve done for her. She’s using her Dd to make you feel guilty, but god knows why, like you’d ever give her job back after the name calling!

I hope she didn’t come from a personal recommendation - you might want to warn any friends who employ her! Just ignore, you’re clearly not going to get through to her at this point. Have a glass of wine and move on. You’ll have that extra hour you were tutoring for free, back for yourself now.

hazykates - you've done nothing wrong in having a cleaner, wanting payment for tutoring being it in cash or work nor in paying her for nothing and ending the relationship. Stop being so hard on yourself. It's not your fault whatever happens to minicleaner. Btw I thought that was cute.

We had to have a tutor for six months for dc when they couldn't go to school. Cost us thousands. What you charge is 100% fair.

Get a chain for your door.

The cleaner was being a cf and the OP was right in her actions. However, the cleaner's daughter is NOT a "mini cleaner". She is a child and can choose her own path. It reminds me of when I was living in Dubai. A friend and I were in a shopping mall and a Philippina woman walked past pushing her baby in a buggy. My friend's daughter (6) said "oh look, a baby maid". Obviously we told her off, but it was scary how society pigeonholes certain groups of people.

Iaim - I know - I'm flummoxed. I'm genuinely starting to think there might be some mental health issues at play - her responses have been so off the scale. She's always been very much the victim in stories etc she's told me - she obviously creates these situations.

Singapore - she was a recommendation - from a local mums Facebook group. Should I say anything? - I don't want to risk antagonising her further - I'm not sure it's worth the worry

Omg ‘minicleaner’ nonsense. Give me strength!! Some people take things so seriously 😫.

Nightmare op! I feel for you. You’ve been nothing but generous. I hope she sods off now! 😘

@harshbuttrue1980

You've misunderstood. It's a mumsnet code basically and is used for everything.

Example.
Lazy dad and kid = lazy dad and minilazy

Bossy mum and kid = bossy mum and miniboss

Banker and kid - banker and minibanker

It's used so everyone knows that the poster is talking about a certain person and that person's child, incase more characters are brought into the story so you don't have to say "the child of bossy mum, not the other child". It's just to make things quick and easy. It doesn't mean that the child is bossy, lazy, a cleaner etc. It isn't insulting to the child as it isn't a descriptor for their behaviour; just to show they are the child of the person.

Christ, she's unhinged.

Do absolutely put something on the Facebook group. Short, calm and factual. Imagine if she goes to work for someone else and ends up treating them like this?!??

My partners bringing a new lock home and will fit it tonight (he's a builder luckily so it'll be a doddle) - though he thinks I'm massively overreacting! Fuck it. What a waste of a day - the kids were at my mums and I was supposed to be catching up on marking / lesson planning but I've just spent the whole day fretting!

The cleaner was being a cf and the OP was right in her actions. However, the cleaner's daughter is NOT a "mini cleaner". She is a child and can choose her own path

You're having laugh, right?

Fuck me that's one of th funniest misunderstandings I've read in ages. Bravo man