Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

Well done OP, and I am sorry that you've been so shaken by this.

I would definitely change my locks now -- you texted her something about reciprocity, she didn't like it, and arrived half an hour late.

Half an hour is just enough time to pop down to the local key-cutters and get some duplicates made.

Can't believe that text, how has she construed it this way?!

BUT BUT BUT you never asked her for "all that money"!

You've given her child £XXX amount for free, and you were suggesting an exchange of services if they were intending to request your services indefinitely for free!

She's being a ridiculous CF and is now playing the wounded victim because you refuse to continue.

However if this is the way her mind works I would agree with PP to think about wither having your locks changed or installing CCTV for now just in case.

I don't think I'm a snob, I'm from a family of taxi drivers and security guards and fast food workers. I'm early 30s and I had friends of cleaners at school and they and other children of blue collar workers often didn't like talking about what their parents did, compared to children of accountants and teachers. Cleaners in London are often exploited too (of course this doesn't apply to OP). Children do notice these things, at least they did in my school.

Antigon ??!! Surely that's spelt incorrectly and should be spelt "Antagon(ise)"!!
Oh my word, some people!!!
hazykates You're better off without the nastyCF. And should Definitely change your locks.

In my younger days I used to clean houses for people. I was a cleaner! I worked for some lovely people who treated me like an ordinary person who they had paid to do a job for them. Which I was, of course.

I worked for others, thankfully few, who referred to me as "the cleaner", not ever giving me a name, and treating me like I was variously invisible, thick or deaf. I dropped these ones pretty swiftly.

The OP does not sound like she comes into the latter category. I can understand the woman involved having a bit of a chip on her shoulder because of the types of rude employers I've described, over the years I bet this can really affect how you feel about your work. But she was really rude! And that's totally not on.

In fact she seems to have turned around the condescension to feel it herself about someone who just wants another person to come and do a job they struggle with! Of course she's going to be working for people who have enough money to afford a cleaner...she's not going to have a job otherwise.

She's totally shot herself in the foot here. Silly woman.

hazy you have acted impeccably. You gave 6 free lessons which is more than enough before saying hang on... let's just make this a bit more official if we're going to carry on.

Your cleaner did not even have the good grace to thank you for those six free lessons! What is up with people nowadays, the longer I live the more I am astounded at people's entitlement and rudeness.

You expected nothing for those six lessons, she could've bought you a bottle of wine or written a nice card, but no, she complains and gets nasty. It just goes to show that in life sometimes... the more you give to some people, the worse they get.

I'm not trying to antagonise anyone, I think OP was in the right.

Think this is derailing the thread, so I'm out.

That's pretty short sighted Antigon. I know women who are cleaners who have husbands that are CEOs on huge incomes. They clean because the hours are flexible/they meet new people/any number of reasons. I went to private school and many of the mums took on cleaning work as a second job to help pay the fees. I guess us kids just had enough class even at that age not to judge

She's being totally ridiculous

I think (in her eyes) you are saying "I am worth more than you, but I'll do you a favour and pretend we are worth the same".

She didn't handle it well at all.

Tutoring requires a great deal of preparation for a start. Cleaning doesn't.

Dear Lord OP - text back 'you misunderstood me; I was not suggesting you paid me. I was suggesting a straight swap of skills for an hour - me tutoring and you cleaning. However that is obviously not acceptable to you, and I am not going to continue to work for nothing.'

And ffs - you can't say minicleaner? Some people find it objectionable?

You can't say 'my cleaner'? It makes you sound like you 'own' her? WTF?
And some posters think that getting your keys back and changing the locks makes you sound like you think she is a thief too? FYI - if you fall out with anyone who carries keys to your house, get the locks changed. This applies to cleaner, husband, mother - anyone. It's not that you think they are thieves, but it makes good sense.

This thread has really brought out the nit-picky twats.

Ignore the them - they are jsut being twattish.

You could simply text back, “I’ve done 6 hours work helping your daughter for free. Market value for that is £270 and I didn’t ask you for a penny of it. Who do I think I am? A maths teacher/tutor who charges standard rates for my services.”

And ffs - you can't say minicleaner? Some people find it objectionable?
You can't say 'my cleaner'? It makes you sound like you 'own' her? WTF?
And some posters think that getting your keys back and changing the locks makes you sound like you think she is a thief too? FYI - if you fall out with anyone who carries keys to your house, get the locks changed. This applies to cleaner, husband, mother - anyone. It's not that you think they are thieves, but it makes good sense

This thread has really brought out the nit-picky twats

Ignore the them - they are just being twattish

Spot On

Reply what Jutz says.

I am astounded by this kind of behaviour! Rather than say, "Gosh, I understand. I can't do that but thank you so much for your help up to now" and everything would be fine, she's attacking you for... what?? Generously helping her child for a limited time??

Cheeky fucker right enough!

Well done OP. I hate confrontation too and would have really struggled with this situation. You handled it really well

You're a goddess

Telling someone you don't want to work for free is a valid criterion for deification? ]

She's shot herself in the foot really because now she has no cleaning job and no one to teach her daughter maths.

do reply back to her once stressing that u offered a trade hour for hour .. you don't want her daughter going around saying you tried to charge her 'poor' mum £45.. once the msg is there the little girl might get to see it and get your side of the story.. however yes do cut contact from thereon.. and pls ignore the whole drama around 'cleaner and mini cleaner' going on here .. don't even bother replying to them here.. just focus on that one msg to your cleaner and get on back with your life.. good luck!!

Are you going to reply?

When someone suggested changing the locks, OP sounded worried, so I said it’s not entirely necessary, she’s already handed over money to the cleaner for nothing today, and changing the locks isn’t free. I just don’t think the cleaner would have been thinking about getting keys copied on her way there today. Maybe if she’d left in a huff, then returned them days later, maybe. It’s not like I was saying “not all cleaners are thieves you know”. If she wants to change the locks just in case, then that’s her decision. I personally don’t think I would bother.

Some of these comments are so ridiculous. My solicitor, my GP, my cleaner, it’s all the same. Anyone suggesting otherwise clearly has more of a complex than the person receiving the service. And mini cleaner was just an easy way of saying “the cleaner’s daughter” and you really don’t need to over-think it. OP didn’t text the cleaner calling her daughter that, fgs.

I've replied saying I was in no way asking her for £45 an hour but that I'd offered to exchange an hour of my time for an hour of hers. But that that was irrelevant now as things have got too weird! I then wished her daughter all the best and said I'd appreciate it if this was the end of any back and forth. No reply yet! (Sent it about half an hour ago!)

OP you sound like a lovely kind giving understanding person... sadly not everyone in life shares those traits...

This is a textbook “no good deed hopes unpunished” situation.

I hope she leaves you alone and you don’t see her again. If her dd ends up in your class though... yikes.

The speed she went from happily using your services to completely turning on you though. Yeesh. Not nice at all.

Goes unpunished I mean!