Is my cleaner taking the piss?

[hazykates]

So - I'm a maths teacher - my cleaner (a much needed luxury as I'm a messy bint) asked if I could tutor her little girl who's struggling at school. I'm mad busy with work and family life but I'm also pretty terrible at saying no and like our cleaner a lot (she's really good!!!) so I said yes! I wasn't expecting her to pay, if the tutoring went on for more than a few sessions I thought I might ask for reciprocal payment if the subject was raised (she could clean for the hour I tutor her child for example). As things have turned out she hasn't ever offered anything in reciprocation for the favour, she's consistently late for the lesson without apology, and was downright rude when I had to rearrange the other day as my little girl was ill and my husband away. I'm loathe to say I can't do it anymore as think she'd have the hump and it took me so long to find a cleaner that works for us - but I can't help but feel a bit pissed off about feeling like she's taking advantage! AIBU?!

There is something patronising about 'mini cleaner'. As if she is defined by who her mother is. Why not say the cleaner's DD? And OP, just because someone else used the term first doesn't mean you had to as well. You're a teacher, you should know better.

@Iaimtomisbehave1 reply is perfect! Send that!

It seems she is thinking that because you can afford to hire a cleaner you live a life of luxury. Things are not that black and white. Your time and her time are equally as valuable and you were willing to 'swap' services - she chose to behave badly in response. What a cf

There is something patronising about 'mini cleaner'

There really isn't. People pick out any old shit on this site.

She probably thinks you are a posh overpaid piss-taker

From her insulting remarks about OP's normal fee I'd say that was obvious, and that's without the deeply unpleasant text after she left

Don't engage, OP, as it won't get you anywhere with someone like this, but her entire attitude is why I suggested changing the locks

My messiness is also something I struggle with and don't like about myself

Sincerely, can I say that it's helpful that you know this about yourself? There are some people who are just better off out-sourcing this bit of life or negotiating with others so that it's covered.

I say this as someone with a spectacularly disorganised and messy DH who spent years struggling with it and shoulding on himself and getting tied up in endless/fruitless procrastination and creating more chaos before accepting a workable solution.

[end merail]

@Antigon I can't help but think that if it was 'minidoctor' or 'minidentist' you wouldn't be complaining. I'm sure you'll deny this but oh well.

Oh god!!! Antigon - I'm not going into the ins and outs and employments (or lack thereofs) of my family history - but my life and circumstances have changed very much over the years. And my husband's situation is very different again. I was merely saying that all of the clashing values and levels of expectation in my head can get a bit complex. But it was my fault for ever rearing the middle class canon over proceedings!

And she's only said 'minicleaner' when she's referencing a specific text or conversation.

When she mentions her schooling next year she said 'her daughter'

Antigon I can't help but think that if it was 'minidoctor' or 'minidentist' you wouldn't be complaining. I'm sure you'll deny this but oh well.

There is still stigma attached to being a child of a cleaner, but not being the child of a doctor or a dentist. I'm sure you'll deny this but oh well.

Wonder how long it will be until the papers pick it up?

I wouldn't reply OP and keep on a dignified silence.

OP ignore the lemon suckers. People will find any old shit to pick at. Just pass on by their posts, they'll get bored and move on to pick at another thread

And OP I feel guilty as well about having a cleaner. To the PP that said those feelings were patronizing - I disagree. The difference between hiring a domestic service like getting in an electrician or gardener is that I physically can't do those things.

I can clean my house just fine I just don't want to. Hence the guilt.

And 'middle-class guilt' is just an expression. It doesn't imply we think we're better than the cleaner

Sorry, 'cleaning professional'

@Antigon is there? Maybe for you.

I think you handled the situation well, and she was beyond cheeky!

Hope you're ok OP. Not nice to have confrontation in your own home.

A Friday thread on a Thursday though. Marvellous. Thanks for sharing it with us.

@Antigon you're right, maybe there is. But I think by pointing out that you think 'minicleaner' is patronising you have done nothing but add to that stigma.

Antigon the only thing I'm getting from your posts is that you think cleaners aren't as good as doctors/dentists/whatever.

I'm a cleaner and my self esteem is just fine. There's no chip on this shoulder nor do I feel 'patronised'. You're the one with the snobbery apparently.

Shall I rename the thread 'Is the cleaning professional who cleans my house taking the piss' ????

Oops think mini cleaner was me, guilty as charged. T’was shorthand!
I thought you handled it well OP.

Being a cleaner is fine. I'm not sure about 'cleaning professional'. Professional = registered with a regulatory body and having a code of conduct I think. 'Cleaning professional' sounds like something someone would say who thought there was something wrong with being a cleaner.

Stompy I totally agree!!!! (I love your name too!)

Wow @hazykates

You're a goddess

Well done!

FFS. 'mini[whatever]' is SO commonly used on here. It can refer to posters' children, cats, anything. It's not patronising, it's shorthand. Stop picking.

The cleaner was cheeky. You went out of your way to help her dc.